Lipstick traces, the smell of someone else’s perfume, uncomfortable calls at night … Such blatant signs of male infidelity are very rare. Unless the husband completely lost his fear or he was very unlucky with his passion.
More often than not, men change “quiet by default.” There are, of course, situations when a man does it demonstratively, almost for show, but they are atypical. In most cases, conspiracy is more or less sacred.
- Lipstick trail? A colleague awkwardly bumped into him on the stairs.
- Perfume? The headmistress was so perfumed that the entire department almost suffocated.
- Inconvenient call? Confused the number.
A man always knows what to say.
Women who choose happy ignorance for themselves believe. Those who want to find out the truth by all means get to it.
However, regardless of whether the spouse knows about the true state of affairs or not, the man is often not even going to leave the family.
True, the reasons are different for everyone. Let’s consider the most common ones.
1. Convenience, comfort and well-organized life
Men in marriage become a little lazy and relaxed. They get used to the comfort and coziness that their women create. You don’t need to be macho with your wife, she loves even so. Maybe he doesn’t like it, but he cooks borscht and washes shirts.
A lover of one of my clients told her so about his wife: “Yes, we never had any special feelings. But living together is convenient in terms of everyday life. She seems to be with her husband, and I feel good – there is always food … “… As you can imagine, in the end this man stayed with his wife.
It is generally accepted that a wife is a reliable rear, friend, adviser, mistress and mother. The family mechanism is perfect. Perhaps it sounds a little pathetic and trite.
And yet, in many cases, this is the case – after all, “husband and wife are one Satan”, and more than one “a pound of salt has been eaten together”, and this, after all, brings them closer together. Often, a wife is the very person with whom you will go on exploration, and this is a lot for a man.
And if a man decides to leave, then everything (and relationships, and everyday life, and trust) will have to be rebuilt, and this requires a colossal investment of resources – financial, time, emotional and physical.
More often than not, the game is simply not worth the trouble.
2. Uncertainty in feelings
Unlike women, men do not know how to use emotionality as a tool that helps to navigate a situation, make decisions, make assessments and draw conclusions.
Even if a man understands the difference between love, falling in love and passion, this is far from the argument that can motivate a man to take specific actions. Love comes and goes, but the social and everyday situation remains.
I would say that many men are not so much confident in the feelings themselves, but in their significance and value. Well, yes, feelings, so what? How it goes is not clear.
Better without feeling, but clear and stable.
3. The effect of novelty and adrenaline
For many men, the effect of novelty and an extra dose of adrenaline are important.
If a man divorces and goes to another, such a man will need to look for his mistress again – to get the effect of novelty and a dose of adrenaline. And why, if he already has it?
As soon as cheating ceases to be cheating, there will be no such adrenaline rush into the blood.
4. Prestige and the status quo
For some men, it’s not adrenaline that’s important, it’s macho status. Cheating for them is just a way to show their friends their emancipation and prove that he is a “real man”.
Behind this may be self-doubt, long-standing trauma, or some kind of attitude. A man who constantly has to prove to himself and to others that he has taken place as a man needs both a wife and a mistress, or better, two. It may seem to him that this is prestigious, cool.
Such a man would not even think about getting a divorce, because for him the status quo is practically an end in itself.
5. Too many male hormones
For some men, this is a real problem. Their libido is off the charts, but the wife just doesn’t need so much intimacy. And I don’t want to. And there is no time. And not before. Therefore, in the life of such men, a mistress necessarily appears, and sometimes more than one.
In this regard, there may be feelings on the side, or there may be just sympathy, respect and mutual understanding. This is not a reason, and certainly not a reason for divorce.
In any case, a man is absolutely satisfied with everything in the family, in his wife.
6. Love for your wife
Yes, it’s possible. A man can cheat on his wife, although he still loves her. If we are talking about a casual one-time relationship, then the question of divorce for a man does not even arise.
If we are talking about a stable, long-term relationship, then in many situations, some additional benefits are still on the wife’s side (the same well-established way of life, trust, stability, joint investments, etc.).
7. Cheating is not a reason for parting
Some men do not see anything wrong with going left sometimes. In such a situation, the man is not going to leave his wife, because he does not feel any feelings for other women. For him, family, marriage is the main thing. This is a reliable rear, comfort, the usual quiet life.
Such a man is sincerely guided by the principle “A good leftist strengthens marriage.”
8. Fatherly Obligations
Many men feel guilty or responsible not to their wife, but to their child. Knowing that he is responsible for the upbringing and maintenance of offspring, a man will not leave the family (at least until some time – until the child goes to school, finishes it, goes to college, etc.). ).
Few representatives of the strong half of humanity are capable of such an act, but such a situation takes place. Whether this speaks of strong moral foundations, principles, or just an inability to defend one’s boundaries and be the master of one’s life – depends on the particular man.
9. Self-interest and profit
Today no one is surprised by a marriage of convenience. Most of these alliances are made by women, but there are also “profit hunters” among men. A common business, influential parents, or unwillingness to share property can keep such a person in the family.
The financial sphere holds a man very tightly, so he will easily make his choice in favor of a profitable option.
10. It’s just not the time, the relationship has not yet become obsolete
Do not forget about the “crisis 40”. This age crisis has several key challenges. One of them is to answer yourself a question “Do I live with that person?”
It is no coincidence that it is at this age that there is a wave of divorces – many single women have a chance to arrange their fate with a divorcee. Such marriages are often successful – after all, they are concluded already in adulthood, taking into account all life lessons.
But until the crisis has come, has not matured, the matter is unlikely to reach a divorce.
11. Different sources of satisfaction of needs
As one friend of mine said: “Wife and mistress are just two parallel lives. They don’t overlap. “
It is very rare to find a couple in which two people fully satisfy each other’s needs.
Of course, there are psychologists who loudly declare that a truly psychologically mature and self-sufficient person does not need another person to satisfy his needs.
I cannot agree with them.
- First, a person is a biosocial being, and we cannot discount his social nature. Tarkovsky expressed this very succinctly in Solaris: “Human needs human”.
- Secondly, ideas of self-sufficiency are now being driven to the point of absurdity. If I am self-sufficient, it does not mean that I am all by myself. If you rush to this extreme, then it will not take long to reach the idea of replacing intimacy with self-satisfaction.
Yes, a person needs a person for so many needs:
The wife allows to satisfy some needs, the mistress – others, but in general the man receives a “full package”. A divorce would definitely destroy this perfect balance.
12. Fear of social condemnation or social complications
- How do I explain this to my parents?
- What will friends, colleagues say?
- How will management respond?
- What will the neighbors think?
This may surprise someone, but such questions really worry some men.
I knew a 30-year-old guy who had not yet sufficiently branched off from his parental family and was really looking back at the fact that divorce was shocking to my mother.
I knew a 45-year-old judge who kept an almost fictitious marriage, because in the event of a divorce it would be very difficult to get a promotion.
Society influences our thoughts and actions much more strongly than it might sometimes seem. And when it seems to you that love conquers everything in this world, just remember the story of Romeo and Juliet.
There are many reasons for cheating, and in every family, these situations end differently. Forgive? Divorce? Pretend nothing happened? Only two people can decide.
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