Any woman is capable of “sculpting” whatever she pleases from her husband, like from melting plasticine. And nature has provided the most effective tools for this – affection, tenderness and love. True, not everyone has the strength or desire to use these tools. As a result, quarrels with her husband cannot be avoided.
Quarrels happen in any family, but it is not they who lead to the collapse of the family boat, but the behavior in their process. What is the right way to quarrel with your spouse and what is absolutely forbidden to do? By social psychologist Bologny.
How to fight with your husband: taboo in quarrels that should not be violated
If fights happen every day, this is a reason to reconsider your relationship and your behavior. As a rule, such a family is doomed to divorce.
Read: How to understand that love is over and the relationship is over?
How to avoid mistakesthat could cost you years of marriage? To begin with, remember what is taboo in quarrels and what can not be said in quarrels with your husband.
If you are constantly fighting with your husband, do not break these rules.
- You cannot criticize your other half. Male pride is more vulnerable than female pride. If you feel that your tongue is about to fall off – “You always spoil everything!”, “Where do your hands grow from!” you are not capable of anything at all! ” and so on – count to 10, calm down and forget these offensive words for your husband. A man who is proud of him grows wings, and a man who is constantly criticized, all desires disappear, including the desire to return home. See also: What should you never tell a man?
- Women’s “things”, like rolling eyes, snorting, unkind scoffing, boorish “shots” and so on – this is an expression of contempt that acts on a man, like a bull – a red rag.
- Dead silence, icy silence and slamming doors – will not punish the “shameless” husband and will not make him think. In most cases, everything will be exactly the opposite.
- Never do not allow yourself to quarrel with your spouse in front of strangers (and loved ones too) people.
- A categorical taboo on insults and humiliation of manhood. Even the most ideal man cannot stand this.
- Never remember old grudges and don’t compare your husband to other men.
- Do not sort things out if both of you (or one of you) are in intoxicated…
- Never end a fight by slamming the door or a week of silence.
How to fight with your husband correctly?
Comparing male and female psychology is a thankless task. Quite often a simple misunderstanding is the cause of a quarrel. The husband is angry because of the coldness of his wife, the wife because he does not understand her, and as a result, all the accumulated problems mercilessly fall out on each other.
But family is patience and a lot of daily work. And someone has to give in. If the spouse is a wise woman, she will be able to timely extinguish or prevent the conflict.
14 tips for wives who often quarrel with their husbands – what to remember about quarrels?
- It is easier to prevent a quarrel than to disentangle its consequences.… You feel – a storm is about to break out, and a stream of claims will splash out on you – let your spouse let off steam. Do not defend yourself, do not attack, restrain offensive words torn in response – listen calmly and answer reasonably.
- If you have complaints against your husband, then the worst option is to present them during a quarrel.… You cannot accumulate dissatisfaction in yourself, otherwise it will cover your family with a snowball. But it is also necessary to solve problems, as you know, as they accumulate. Got a problem? Solve it right away – calmly, without shouting, without mistrust, attacks and contempt. Perhaps your problem is a figment of your imagination. Since you live with this person, then you trust him? And if you trust, then there is no need to follow the path of maximum resistance.
- Family life is about constant compromise. It is impossible to coexist peacefully without them. Therefore, solve any questions (whether ideological differences or other) reasonably, delving into his point of view and explaining the advantages of your own. And do not be afraid to speak directly – men do not like hints and, as a rule, do not understand. An example is a holiday gift. The man will most likely ignore the phrase “Oh, what beautiful earrings”, and the phrase “I want these ones!” will take as a guide to action. And then there will be no such problem as resentment against her husband for his inattention.
- If the quarrel could not be avoided, remember – never say words you might regret later, and do not hit “sore spots”. Restrain your emotions. It is possible to throw out negativity and burn negative feelings in other ways (sports, manual labor, etc.).
- You choose a constructive form of dialogue – Offer options for changing the situation, but do not blame your spouse for what happened. Firstly, it is meaningless (what happened – something happened, this is already the past), and secondly, reproaches are a step back in a relationship.
- Do not know how to state claims without emotion? Write them down on paper.
- Use the delayed start method“(As in a multicooker). Postpone the showdown for an hour (day, week). When you cool down and calmly think about the situation, it is quite possible that there will be nothing to find out – the problem will exhaust itself.
- Look for the problem in yourself. Don’t blame all the sins of the world on your spouse. If there is a quarrel in the family, then both are always to blame. Try to understand your husband – what exactly he is dissatisfied with. Maybe you really should change something in yourself?
- If you feel that the quarrel has dragged on – take the first step towards… Even if you refuse to admit your guilt, give your spouse the opportunity to emphasize your status as a man, who is always right. Let him think so. It is not for nothing that the phrase “man – head, wife – neck” exists among the people. Twist this “head” wherever you want.
- A man should always feel that you love him.… Even during a fight. You are one, do not forget about it. Read: How to get passion back in your relationship with your husband?
- Do not go to “you”, speak from your “I”. Not “it’s your fault, you didn’t do it, you didn’t call …”, but “it’s unpleasant for me, I don’t understand, I am worried …”.
- Humor is the best helper in any stressful environment… Not sarcasm, not irony, not scoffing! Namely humor. He extinguishes any quarrels.
- Learn to stop on time, admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveness.
- For the tenth time say the same thing to him, but he does not hear you? Change tactics or end the conversation…
Social Psychologist Council
When anger begins to literally “boil” in you, you shouldn’t block it, you still won’t succeed. But, in order not to spoil the relationship with your husband, try to remember why, in fact, you fell in love with him. How did this man attract you, why did you marry him? Surely these advantages are more significant than the disadvantages that worry you at the moment. Is not it?
Keeping this simple practice in mind can help iron out the rough edges of your relationship with your husband, even during an argument.
Remember, your spouse is not your property. He is a man with his own ideas about this life, and he is a man. Do you love children the way you were born? Love your husband as he is.
The ideal formula for marriage is to treat your spouse as a friend. If your friend is angry, nervous, screaming, you are not sending him back for a list of failures and failures in your relationship? No. You will calm him down, feed him and tell him that everything will be fine with him. The husband should also be a friend who will be understood and reassured.
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