Resentment against an ex-husband is such a spiritual burden that not only spoils the mood, but also interferes with living a full life. And whatever the reason for negative emotions, there is only one way to solve the problem – you need to get rid of these grievances.
Love-coach number 1 in the world according to the international iDate Awards 2019 Julia Lanske will help to understand the reasons for resentment and anger at her ex-husband and tell you how to cope with them in order to start a new relationship without these aggravating circumstances.
5 reasons why grudges remain
It seems that there can be a great many reasons for annoyance, and your case is unique. But most situations can still be brought to a common denominator. When we see how “universal” grievances are, it is easier to part with them.
1. Unfulfilled dreams
When we get married, each of us dreams of a successful marriage, of a husband who pampers and carries in his arms. In her head there is an image of what family life looks like, and the woman, rolling up her sleeves, begins to work to ensure that reality matches her dreams.
Sometimes a misunderstanding arises between spouses on this matter (after all, the images of a family idyll can differ!), And even more often it turns out: “I wanted the best, but it turned out as always! “. In the wake of disappointment from unfulfilled hopes between husband and wife, the situation is heating up, resentments accumulate, which leads to a break.
2. Unspoken grievances
Grievances often arise from the claims that a woman made to a man in marriage, and she still makes, only within herself. How disappointing it is when someone doesn’t appreciate your efforts! My husband knew that you were trying and getting tired, but he didn’t even consider it necessary to clean up the plate after you, didn’t wash the dishes, scattered things, and you alone had to work and keep the house completely clean.
In addition, he made promises all the time, but in the end he never did anything. Instead, he played, sometimes drank for pleasure, lay down on the sofa and just relaxed. Perhaps some discontent remained unspoken, but with whom to discuss it now? And now these claims are spinning in my head like an annoying radio.
3. Bad attitude towards the child
Often women take offense at their ex-husbands because they never took care of children. Everything related to the care, upbringing, entertainment of the child was placed on the fragile shoulders of his wife. At best, the kid turned on the TV while the father chilled out on the couch. Often the same attitude applies to the spouse herself.
Of course, it can be painful and offensive when people are alienated from you and the child, disrespectful or cold. And often this attitude persists after the divorce, as the negative emotions of the woman persist, but only after the divorce they are already exacerbated.
Agree, it is not so easy to accept the fact that the husband started an affair on the side or cheated on the other for many years. Many women still cannot forgive their husbands, which leads not only to divorce, but also to many years of mental suffering.
5. Questions unanswered
And one more reason for grievances is the uncovered “why”. You can ask yourself such questions endlessly:
- “Why did he do this?”
- “Why didn’t we succeed?”
- “Why did he say one thing and do something completely different?”
Obsessing over these issues, it is difficult to find the time and energy to live in the present. But how can you forget your former relationship, let go of the past and stop harboring resentment?
3 steps to getting rid of grudges
Your past relationships, unspoken pain and resentment hold you as an anchor, preventing you from budging. You want to spread the sails and feel like a beautiful brigantine on the high seas, fill up and set off towards new relationships, new achievements.
But there is a feeling that you are unable to embark on this journey – you have not raised the anchor of your ship. So, you need to take 3 steps to raise this anchor to the deck and go forward into a happy future.
1. Convert negative energy into positive
Fill all things, gifts and everything that makes you remember your ex-spouse with positive memories. Take energy in all those things, souvenirs, postcards, photographs that connected you.
You can often hear advice that you definitely need to get rid of such things. But to get rid is to demonstrate a certain negative side, pain, involvement in unpleasant emotions. You don’t need to throw it all away, put it away or donate it to someone!
It’s like one bowl that gave you invaluable experience, knowledge, understanding of something important. And may the former relationship strengthen you, make you stronger, and give you even more confidence that your next relationship will be more successful. Think that the next time everything will be much better precisely because the experience of the previous relationship will help you avoid many mistakes in the future.
Your goal now is to look at all these things and take from them strength, energy, experience. To raise and direct this energy to absolutely new aspirations, to new creations.
2. Fill your life
Take a look at your life and observe yourself. How intense are your daily activities? Are you interested in yourself at all? Make yourself an interesting, cool, fun routine to wake up happily every morning. After all, it is quite clear that if you want to meet a new person (and you want to meet him, and you will definitely meet this new, beloved, dear man!), You need to add newness to your life, somehow diversify it, give it colors. The point of intersection with the new partner should be drawn somewhere!
Invest all your remaining free time not in the past, not in reasoning and self-reflection, but in the future. Aim for new aspirations and desires. Sign up for a sports club or dance courses, do rhythmic gymnastics, start drawing or singing, and learn a foreign language. Pass your license or just read some inspirational book, go to the movies, meet up with friends you haven’t seen in a long time.
Take inspiration from the world around you, dive into new, amazing achievements. Stop obsessing about resentment and open up to new achievements.
3. Create your future today
You have a goal: “I want to forget my ex-spouse, stop being offended at him and meet my dear, only, dear person.” Imagine that your dream, your true desire, your goal appears on the horizon. And you all rush there …
Now your task is to start moving towards this dream – and then it will begin to come true!
- Write on paper what you need to do right here and now in order to meet three, five, ten interesting men, in order to be able to choose and enjoy their compliments and courtship. The desire to meet your dear and beloved person will not begin to come true if you lie in bed and cry into your pillow, scrolling through your thoughts of resentment against your ex-spouse. But the dream will become closer when you start dating men, take an interest in them, and when they start to take an interest in you.
- Do everything to inspire men so that they look your way, follow you with their eyes, dream of getting closer and talking. Even if now it seems like fantasy and the lot of fatal beauties, try it anyway! Thousands of my students have learned the art of intelligent flirting and have become interesting and desirable women who can conquer even the most demanding man. You can do it too!
- Right now, think about and outline for yourself 5-7 steps that you will take to make your dream of a new happy relationship come true, and write these points down on paper. And this will be your first step towards fulfilling your desire. It is as if you will have wings, and you will flutter, getting rid of past grievances. You will fly towards new achievements!
And so that the dream becomes even closer, so that acquaintance and romantic relationships with a successful man develop in the best possible way, be inspired by the positive stories of divorced women and implement my advice into your life.
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