It is important for every person to be accepted and approved. But there are situations in which the need for a positive assessment of others not only does not bring joy and benefit to a person, but also causes him frank harm.
COLADY will share 5 effective psychological techniques to help you stop depending on the opinions of other people. Work on yourself!
“Ksenia many times caught herself on the fact that her life is literally controlled by the opinion of other people. The prestigious work did not bring her any pleasure – Ksyusha received a law degree at the insistence of her mother, deep in her soul dreaming of doing baking and handmade.
At friendly meetings and corporate parties, Ksenia always preferred to remain silent in the corner, and in conversations with her husband or friends she tried to avoid “sensitive” topics.
But the biggest nightmare for Ksyusha was her relatives – on the eve of any family celebration, the woman was overcome by insomnia and anxious thoughts about what Aunt Lyuba would say this time about her way of raising her daughter and running a household.
“Oleg felt something similar at times. Unlike the modest Ksyusha, Oleg has always been a holiday person and the soul of the company.
He did everything in order to please others – he wore only fashionable and branded clothes (a thin cashmere coat in 25-degree frost), watched the right films (you need to be able to combine love for Tarkovsky and Marvel) and always tried to maintain a good mood.
And he was very upset when he accidentally found out that one of his friends or colleagues considers him a jester or a sycophant.
Nevertheless, most of those around him loved Oleg for his easy disposition and the ability to always be “in the subject.” Deep down, Oleg quietly hated Tarkovsky, Marvel and all his acquaintances. “
Systematic disregard and suppression of their needs and desires.
Did you recognize yourself in the portraits of these characters? Welcome to the Opinion Addicts Club. These people systematically ignore and suppress their own desires and needs in order to gain approval or avoid negativity from other people.
Doesn’t sound good, right?
Where does the dependence on other people’s opinions come from?
The roots of dependence on the opinions of others grow in the same place where the causes of other neuroses are found – in childhood and upbringing. These people learned from childhood that love must be earned.
If you obey your mother / study for grades / be friends with the “right guys” – you will be a good, beloved son or daughter. If you won’t, you will get it on a soft spot.
In adulthood, such a person continues to build his life around other people’s assessments – real or imagined.
The consequences of dependence on the opinions of others
- We stop hearing ourselves and our desires, we are afraid to express our own opinion, following the lead of the environment.
- In communicating with other people, we project our own complexes and fears onto them.
- We do not do what we love.
- We are complex about our own appearance, we exhaust ourselves with sports and diets.
- We wear uncomfortable clothes that are not suitable for us.
- We make gross mistakes in raising children, striving to ensure that they grow up “ideal”.
Dependence on someone else’s opinion prevents a person from enjoying their own life, developing harmoniously and achieving their goals.
How to overcome dependence on someone else’s opinion – 5 psychological techniques and techniques
To stop looking at other people’s opinions, you need to slowly but surely change your habitual patterns of behavior.
Here is a set of simple exercises that will help you release your fears and take a step towards a full sense of self.
1. Develop awareness
Find time in your schedule that you can spend in mindful seclusion. Take these minutes to observe your thoughts and feelings.
Don’t divide feelings into good and bad. An attentive and respectful attitude towards emotions and experiences will help you to establish contact with yourself.
Practicing mindful seclusion daily will help you sort out your desires and fears, and separate your true values and beliefs from those imposed from outside.
Read: How to painlessly let go of the past and live in the present – mindfulness practice
2. Use breathing practice combined with imagination
If you have obsessive thoughts about how other people will appreciate you, try some simple breathing practice.
Start breathing slowly and deeply. Concentrate on your breathing, let it become unhurried and even.
After you have calmed down, mentally ask yourself a question: “What would a confident person think in my place? How would he feel in such a situation? ”
You can imagine someone from your acquaintances or famous personalities. Use this image as a role model until new reactions become familiar to you.
Read: Breathing exercises for health, energy and wellness from a body flex expert
3. Start accepting your weaknesses
Divide the piece of paper in two. In the first column, write down the qualities of yourself that you are ashamed of or consider unworthy. In the second column, choose a positive synonym for each of them.
Thus, it will be possible to discern in shyness – delicacy, and in slovenliness – freedom from everyday conventions.
By doing this exercise, you will be able to look at yourself from different angles, gradually freeing yourself from the reproaches of your inner critic.
4. Make your own choices every day.
Start small – buy a new item. In this simple venture, you will need to completely rely on yourself. Do not consult (even mentally) when buying it with relatives or friends.
Repeat this simple and enjoyable exercise whenever you need to make any choices in your daily life.
Anything can be a workout – from going to a hairdresser to choosing a cultural program for your next vacation.
Your task is to learn how to enjoy independent decision-making.
5. Learn to defend your opinion
Watch a few episodes of the new sensational series and make a list of what you liked and did not like. If the opportunity arises, discuss the premiere with friends, acquaintances or colleagues.
During the conversation, make sure not to give up your own opinion, following the lead of others. Repeat the exercise whenever possible – any interesting news, public figures, films and books will suit you as an auxiliary material.
These psychological techniques can help you reduce anxiety, build self-esteem, and connect with yourself. Exercise day after day and the results will please you.
Full awareness of freedom from someone else’s opinion will not come immediately – someone will need a month, someone – six months or a year. Then the person will take the correct position regarding the thoughts and statements of other people and get rid of internal conflict about this.
Do you care about other people’s opinions? Share with us in the comments!
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