Sometimes there is no opportunity to go to therapy, there is no time to read smart books, but I really want to change – internal and external.
Well, it’s good, to be honest, you can find time, but for one reason or another, which psychologists call “resistance”, you put off work on yourself indefinitely.
In order not to play in the same box ahead of time, I propose film therapy, which combines business with pleasure. All you need to do is read this article to the end, make yourself comfortable on the couch in your free time in front of a TV or tablet screen, and then turn on a very good, good old movie starring the attractive Barbara Streisand – “The mirror has two faces.”
Therapy will begin to work when the internal process of empathy and self-reflection is activated. Translating into Russian: when you accept the heroine’s problems as yours, connect to her emotions, finding in her story something similar to your own.
Let yourself be the heroine of this film. Give vent to the surging emotions, and then, when the passions subside, it is very important to turn on the brain and analyze what touched you in this film and why.
There can be many questions and problems, we will touch on the topic “I am ugly”: why the main character considers herself the same, who influenced her and how she coped with this internal conflict in the end and found the long-awaited happiness. Based on the above analysis, it will be easier for you to navigate the film, as I will draw your attention to the key fragments of the film that are important to reflect on.
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The main character of the film, Rose Morgan, is a woman without age, between 25 and 45 years old, judging by her appearance. She still lives with her mother, although she managed to achieve a professorship at the prestigious University. It says a lot.
For example, that her mother did not bring her up so badly, since she turned out to be such a highly qualified specialist. Speaking of mom: modern psychologists would call her “toxic”, meaning some destructive force that prevents the main character from living normally and building happy relationships.
But it is not so. To begin with, the heroine is, in principle, happy. In terms of the balance wheel technique, everything is generally normal for her. There is a great job that she enjoys. There is wealth. Let me tell you, the salary of a professor at an American university is the level of a top manager, if not more, in our country. There are friends and girlfriends.
There is a mom and a sister with whom they obviously did not always compete, but rather, were in a friendly coalition against the eccentric mom. There are also fans. Here I will dwell in more detail: Rose herself does not like these fans, otherwise she would not refuse dates with them.
What does this mean? At least that she values herself higher and more expensive. In the middle of the film, she meets her ex-boyfriend with a bride. What does this mean? He’s not so scary, since he was able to find his soul mate.
In matters of beauty, everything is relative. About what? Your personal vision. That is, your opinion and only yours is decisive. In general, this is what the film is about. The girl Rose considered herself ugly, not because her mother did not tell her about it in childhood, but because she herself decided so. Dot.
No, girls, remember: this is the path of sacrifice, when all your life you are offended by your mother for the fact that she did something in childhood, or, conversely, not. This is the road to nowhere. The path of transformation, in turn, begins when the understanding that you yourself are responsible for your life and destiny turns on. So, we draw a route of transformations. We start from point A: where are you now, who are you, who and what surrounds you and makes up the meaning of your life?
If Rose is doing as well as I described above, what is she missing? True love? Yes and no. She could build love with any man if she had faith in herself, in her feminine principle. But she didn’t.
It just so happened that of the two daughters, my mother saw in one a beauty who did not need study, and in the other – a mind whose beauty would be a hindrance. Downright a movie about Cinderella. An episode between his own daughter and his stepdaughter-servant.
The problem is that Cinderella, like Rose, also wants to be beautiful inside, to go to the ball and meet her prince. And by the way, we will not blame the unfortunate mother for everything again. She, too, as can be seen in the film, her beauty did not bring anything good. Perhaps that is why she wanted to save her daughter from suffering. By the way, in the final dialogue between mother and daughter, you yourself will hear it in her words: “Did beauty make your sister happy?”
Right now and here, if your grudge against your mother is strong, think about what the best intentions she acted from, why she behaved this way, whether she was happy herself, and what a lesson this is for you and your personal growth.
So we have a point, A, a starting point, where next? Where do you want to go? Which one to become? This is a very important point. Attention! Not just to suffer that I am such and such and what I will never become, but to seek and draw for myself what I want to become ideally. Even if it seems impossible.
Such a point B for Rose was a life with an ideal – a beautiful and intelligent University professor, with whom fate had accidentally brought them together. I leave the plot behind the scenes to preserve the intrigue and thrust for the film. I will only note that it was life with the man of her dreams (and she always fell in love with men, judging by her words, for whom she considered herself unworthy) that gave her an understanding of what she really wants to be and, most importantly, that she is ready for it.
What’s in the way?
The most important question that logically follows from the previous topic is how to find your point B? Start with the fact that it prevents you from seeing your life and life in general differently.
Start by analyzing your surroundings: what you like and what you don’t. Better yet, go back to your parents for a while, observe them and yourself to see similar negative behavioral scenarios.
God forbid you to judge and condemn at the same time, just watching! We thank the parents for life and lessons and move on, looking for our point B – where I feel good, comfortable and happy. Each has its own.
Let’s go back to our main character. Who became that kind fairy who turned her from Cinderella into a beauty, or, at least, convinced her that she was. By the way, I heard the opinion of some women that Barbra Streisand does not look very good in the second part of the film. Like, they found a beauty, especially in the episode where she sits next to her luxurious long-legged sister.
If you are about the same, then obviously, read my article on top. I repeat: it does not matter at all how others think you, what matters is your personal, inner acceptance of yourself as you are. It is important to find a zest in yourself that will become tastier for you than all other plums on the neighboring tree. Sometimes, of course, only oneself is not enough for this, so a good fairy is needed. This is just a metaphor for the resource. Each has his own too.
For Rose, a decisive step towards personal transformation was a conversation with her mother, in which she realized that her mother never really considered her ugly, that she invented it for herself and lived with it all her life.
The story with mom described in this film is not only about Rose, about every woman. So many mothers come to me for mum therapy, with whom we reveal childhood scenarios in this way and rewrite them in the literal sense of the word.
Many do not understand how this is possible. Let me explain it using the example of the film: the main character realized in the end that her mother really loved her, but in her own way, but loved, and this is a powerful resource that gives all the events of the past a completely different color.
She was not ugly and unloved since childhood, as she thought of herself. She was who she wanted to be. Now it is important to accept this and take a step towards point B. This is only the first, but very important step on the path to change: if I can change my childhood memories by changing black glasses to pink ones, rewrite the past, then I can change the present and future.
In the case of Rose, it was mother who became the very catalyst for transformation: she not only returned her faith in herself, but also helped her see herself in the role of a mother differently, helped to realize that her daughter does not need to be protected from beauty, she is already old enough to stand on her own for myself.
Not the fact that your mom is ripe for such conclusions and will be able to support you – this is bad news. The good news is that you yourself are already an adult girl and are able to give yourself everything that your mother could not. Fortunately, for this now there are a bunch of specialists from the beauty industry, fashion, and so on.
Now ask yourself a timely question: what resource do I need to move from point A to B?
I allow myself to be wrong
Let this subtitle be your mantra on the path to your ideal self, as this path cannot be without trial and error. Rose’s story is proof of that. See how her life changed after the transformation and how she almost deprived herself of the man of her dreams. I repeat: do not be afraid to make mistakes, because this is how you will understand that this is exactly your path.
I allow myself to be happy
Another important setting that should become the new rule for your personal transformation. See how mom and sister’s attitude towards Rose changed as soon as she allowed herself to be beautiful and happy.
They immediately took her decision for granted. Who prevented them from instilling in Rose a taste for beautiful clothes, make-up and becoming a beauty? Yes, she herself was a hindrance – Rose, who made the decision to be unhappy and ugly.
So, we begin our film therapy with positive attitudes: I allow myself to be beautiful and happy. I trigger my inner transformation by watching this movie!
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