Breaking up a relationship, parting is always a very painful process for both women and men. Moreover, female behavior in this situation is more predictable than male behavior. Yes, and about how women experience any break in relations – many books have already been written, shown in TV series, discussed with friends on the sidelines.
With the male reaction, everything is not clear. The movies show that they are so macho, which gives the impression that they do not care. And on the basis of such examples, it is concluded that men do not care at all: “Parted and okay, I’ll find another.” But that’s not the case at all.
A man also experiences pain, suffers, but does it differently from a woman. The only thing that fundamentally distinguishes the male reaction from the female is that the representatives of the stronger sex never fall into emotional dependence. Why is that?
In answering this question, one should look at the processes that occur in early childhood in boys.
Why do men and women feel differently about breaking up?
So, the age of 4-6 years is the most difficult period in the life of any boy. During this period, the closest person is mom. There is a close emotional connection with her. Mom is the only source of affection.
But at this age, the boy realizes that he belongs to the male world, that he is different from girls. The boy’s transition to the male subculture begins, where its own rules and foundations. He begins to move away from his mother, the close emotional connection weakens, the first secrets from her appear. At the same time, the boy is scared, because the world of men is more aggressive and cruel.
The transition to the male world takes about a year, but during this time there is a significant distance from the mother, the relationship becomes colder.
Once in a man’s life, the boy discovers that he is alive and well, that there is nothing wrong with this new company, despite the fact that there is no longer a close mother nearby.
Thus, the first “divorce” occurs in the boy’s life. The specificity of this “divorce” is that it is supported by the mother, boyish environment and dad. And the boy’s subconscious is deposited: “I broke up with a very close person and nothing happened to me. “ And this attitude remains for life.
In psychology, this trait is called high tolerance for the breakup of highly significant emotional attachments. Girls don’t have that. This trait explains why men do not become emotionally dependent upon breaking up.
How does a man feel after breaking up?
The feelings of men are not much different from that of women. Pain, longing, fear, jealousy, regret, sadness – all these emotions are tearing the soul apart. But outwardly, a man, as a rule, remains unperturbed.
It is extremely rare to see tears in men’s eyes. And the roots of this behavior also lie in childhood. Boys were taught to be strong, they were told not to cry and show their weakness, their sincere emotions.
“You’re not a whiner to cry! You’re not a girl to chew snot! ”
Therefore, representatives of the stronger sex hide their true feelings.
How to tell a man to end a relationship?
Many women are concerned about this question. They want to end the relationship, but they don’t know how to do it. In most cases, women are afraid, they do not know how a man will react.
A man’s reaction largely depends on his character, temperament and mindset. Given these features, a woman should think over her speech, in advance for herself to identify the reasons for parting, prepare mentally for the conversation.
It is also worth considering the time and place. Men are straightforward, they do not like to beat around the bush, and they do not really understand our hints. If a woman has made a decision to end the relationship, then it is worth saying about it directly, honestly and frankly. Do not invent non-existent reasons, you need to tell the truth.
But we should not forget that men are very vulnerable, especially if the questions concern masculinity and ego. Women should be careful in their expressions, not be cruel, because this man was around for a while, there were warm feelings.
Stages of relationship breakup in men
Parting is, in essence, the loss of a loved one and dear person, therefore, the stages of separation are the same for everyone. There is no difference or uniqueness here. Scenario one.
First happens negation… At this stage, the man still does not fully believe in what is happening, he hopes that the woman will change her mind and everything will work out. A man may even act as if nothing had happened, as women’s volatility of emotions can bring doubts about the words that are spoken.
Followed by anger… This is a normal reaction when an understanding of the inevitability of a break comes, but there is no inner desire and agreement with this. Resentment, anger, irritation even at the very mention of a woman’s name. When a man decides to break up, he begins to think, is it worth returning this relationship or not.
The so-called bargaining With myself. A man looks at all relationships, analyzes his actions, the actions of a woman. At this stage, he often throws from one extreme to another. Many men seek comfort and solace in the arms of other women. But it quickly gets boring.
Coming depression… During this period, a man withdraws into himself, his experiences, does not want anything. Often remains alone, avoiding the company of even friends. Men may resort to alcohol to forget their worries.
Over time, this period ends, there comes a complete Adoption… A man ceases to acutely perceive everything related to past relationships and gradually opens up to new passions.
How does a man go through a breakup with his wife?
Relationship with a spouse can be compared to attachment to a mother in terms of intimacy. This breakup is extremely difficult for men. There are many factors here:
- years of life together, in which there was both good and bad;
- common interests;
Marriage is also a comfort for a man. Losing it all in one moment is not easy even for a strong and strong-willed man. The loss of marriage means the need to start all over again, which not every member of the stronger sex is capable of.
More often, a woman is the initiator of the divorce. God only knows what happens in the soul of a man. This is experienced as a blow not only to male feelings, but also to his dignity.
A special place is occupied by the gap after the betrayal of the spouse.
What is the betrayal of a beloved woman for a man?
This is a betrayal that a man does not forgive. He can no longer live with a woman who has already been “soiled” by a stranger’s male. When a man cheats on his wife, a man inevitably begins to think that he is something worse, that something is not enough in him, he loses his masculine confidence.
The number of male suicides resulting from his wife’s betrayal confirms how hard it is.
How does a man go through a break with his mistress?
Relationships with a mistress are filled with passions, there is lightness and relaxedness in them. The absence of everyday problems and difficulties make this connection emotionally attractive, since you can not think about the essentials, but surrender entirely to feelings, lust.
But sooner or later, a man is faced with the question of choice: a mistress or a family. In the vast majority of cases, the choice is obvious – a wife and family.
Parting with a mistress can be of a different nature. If for a man this connection is simply pleasure and novelty, then the breakup will be quite easy. But if feelings are involved, then parting will not be easy and simple.
A man who remains in the family, but continues to love another, will experience a feeling of pain, longing for this woman. He will constantly think about her, remember the moments he has experienced, constantly return to her arms mentally.
In such a situation, the constant control of himself still falls on men’s shoulders: he cannot show at home that something is eating him. He is forced to carry all this pain in himself, but at the same time smile and kiss his wife. Over time, this severity will subside, but the scar will remain.
Why do men rarely make the decision to break up, even if they want to?
If a man decides to break up, he hurts the woman. And he is well aware of this. He sees feelings, tears, reproaches. Such female behavior causes guilt, the man is tormented by remorse.
In order not to experience such a range of emotions, it is better and easier for a man to have a woman make the decision to break up. In this situation, the responsibility lies with the woman. It is easier for a man to be bad than to live with guilt.
Often, a man who wants to leave begins to behave in such a way that the woman herself decides to end the relationship.
When intimate relationships fail, both partners suffer. And you can’t say who is more and who is less. Pain, disappointment, longing, sad memories, a desire to bring everything back, difficult thoughts about themselves – both men and women experience.
Women can throw out their pain, talk about it, weep and shout everything in their souls. Men cannot do this, they keep everything deep inside themselves. When there is an opportunity to experience emotions, it becomes easier, the pain subsides faster. And from this point of view, we can say that women get through the gap faster and easier, and men suffer longer.
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