How to adopt a husband’s children from his first marriage – advice from wise women

Not every man has a first marriage, as in a fairy tale – “and they lived to the gray hair.” Unfortunately, it also happens that a family boat is wrecked, and children are left between “two fires”. They have the hardest time. And also the second wife, who (whether she wants it or not) needs not only to communicate with them on the “hello-bye” level, but also to find a common language.

The content of the article:

Communication of a husband with children of his first marriage – what can it be?

In remarriage, all parties are usually drawn into the cycle of confrontation and rivalry.

But most of all go to children, regardless of whether they stayed with their mother, or moved to the new family of their father. And a rare woman will immediately accept and love her husband’s children, which further complicates the situation.

And situations are different …

• Children live with their mother, while the father, who already has a new family, does not leave them – calls, congratulates on the holidays, picks up on weekends and vacations, etc. The new wife endures frequent visits of children “through clenched teeth”, smiling, but boiling internally.
• The husband does not communicate with the children, and the ex-wife constantly calls him with demands – to participate in the lives of children. Constant calls unbalance both the man and his new wife.
• Children are already big, and are able to come to visit dad themselves, stay overnight, etc. Dad doesn’t mind, and his new wife is annoyed, but can’t do anything.
• Children moved to dad (by court or of her own free will, or the mother herself left, leaving them to her husband). On the shoulders of the second wife fall all the worries of their upbringing.

Of course, the second wife should do everything possible to preserve and further maintain her husband’s relationship with children from the first marriage.

Fathers’ rights and obligations after divorce

Not properly:

• Forbid them to meet.
• Express annoyance when children visit.
• Throw tantrums to your husband about “whose child is more important to you.”
• To take out their anger and jealousy towards his first wife on his children (they take it personally).
• Taking rash steps that can lead to a break with a man.

Right:

• Help the husband with his children if they often come to visit.
• Remind my husband about their holidays and important events.
• Create a child-friendly environment at home so that they are comfortable with their father, and the parental gap is less noticeable, thanks to positive emotions.
• Accept them as your own if they stayed with your father. And to adequately perceive the calls and even the visits of his 1st wife, who will definitely visit her children.
• To understand and remember that the children of a divorced man are a part of his life, which will always be. There are no options: either to accept it with children, or to look for a partner for life together without “tails”.
• Do not separate your children and his children: everything is equal – love and care, attitude and rules, food, and so on.

I hate my husband’s children from his first marriage or am jealous of them – why, and how to get rid of the negativity?

Reasons for irritation of a woman in relation to her husband’s children from 1st marriage not so much:

1. Lack of experience in raising children at all.
2. Dislike of children as such.
3. Jealousy for his 1st wife.
4. Unwillingness to share a husband with anyone.
5. Greed (children spend a lot of money).
6. Resentment (the welfare of his children is more important to him than the welfare of his new wife).

How to get rid of negative emotions?

• First of all, accept the fact that your husband will communicate with his children. The situation when a man leaves not only his wife, but also his children is still more the exception than the rule. A man will always communicate with them, call them, meet with them, spend money on them, pay attention.
• Do not put him before a choice – he will always make it in favor of his children.
• Communicate with his children more often. Try to befriend them. For a man, we will be happy to see that you love his children, as yours with him.
• Do not associate your negativity with his ex-wife with their common children. Children are not to blame for anything.

Should you mend relationships with your husband’s ex-wife?

How to build a relationship with the husband’s child from his first marriage – advice from wise women

The most important thing is to understand that a child feels like a lost kitten in a new family, regardless of whether he visits his dad on weekends, once a month, or has moved permanently.

Try to look at the situation through his eyes before “nagging” your spouse, taking offense or making scandals.

Your primary task is to gain the authority of the child.

How to do it?

• Do not dismiss the child if he himself goes into your hands (looking for contact). He should not feel like a hindrance to your relationship with his father, the cause of your irritation and the “root of evil.” Be open to communication with him.
• The child also has the right to be jealous, because you came after him. Show your child that you are not at all claiming to have all of your husband’s free time. Help your husband and his child in organizing joint walks and gradually join their company. Positive emotions always bring people together.
• Getting used to the role of a good stepmother, do not overdo it. There is no need to lisp with the child, put on a smile, overwhelm him with gifts and convince that you are delighted with him. Children always feel false. It is clear that it is almost impossible to fall in love with someone else’s child right away, but you should not play for the audience either. Proceed gently and gradually. Step, another, third. Over time, you will get used to each other.
• Do not put your children with your husband higher than his children from the 1st marriage. Everyone should be treated equally, even if inside you everything is protesting against this state of affairs.
• Close your eyes to the need for your spouse to communicate with your ex-wife. You still have to come to terms with it. You may not communicate with her, but forbidding your husband to communicate with her is shortsighted and stupid. It makes no sense to be jealous of her: your man ALREADY chose you, and even the fact that he is forced to communicate with his ex-wife will not change his attitude towards you (unless you yourself, of course, do something stupid).

The role of a man in building relationships with children from his first marriage – what should a real husband and father do?

There are representatives of the stronger sex who are confident that they are the “best” thing that happened to their women. They feel quite comfortable in a situation where two women (former and current) are competing for the right to be the only ones. And all this would remain a personal problem of the “triangle” if it did not concern children.

Therefore, a man who remarried and has children in the first and already in the second family, I must remember that …

• You can’t give your new wife a reason for jealousy. Even if you have to communicate with the first wife, one should not forget about the feelings of the second.
• You can be an equally good dad for children from both the first family and the second. You just need to be attentive to everyone, and remember that even growing children need your care, your strong shoulder, your timely support.
• If you are offended by your ex-wife, this does not mean that you need to leave your children. – they did not betray you and still love you.
• Whatever “contagion” your ex is, be above this situation.: never say anything bad about her – neither to your children in common with her, nor to your new wife.
• Support your new wife in her efforts to mend relationships with your children from 1st marriage. Remember that it is psychologically difficult for her to step over jealousy, resentment, etc.
• When communicating with your ex-wife, create the most transparent (for the new wife) relationship.so that your spouse does not torment herself and you with tantrums from jealousy. If your woman is confident in you, she will not “nag” you about “you, bastard, saw your ex-wife again!”, And you will not have to convince her that she needed urgent help with children.

Children are always children. Even if they are not yours, but your husband’s.

But you have a chance to get along with them so much strong and good relationshipthat happiness in your house will double – and will settle forever.

Have you had similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!