Since in my author’s #mamatherapyonline method I mainly work with pregnant women and mothers, this is one of the most common questions – how to find a decent job after the decree and skillfully combine it with everyday life and children?
Do not hurry!
At the same time, Insta moms tend to look for work online, as advertising of successful business women in social networks is constantly growing. Conventionally “barkers” shout like this: “Tired of working for your uncle? Do you want to spend more time at home and with your children? Then hurry to us! “
And although a psychologist should not give advice, I, as an antipsychologist, give the most important advice in this matter: do not rush! This is exactly the case when your future fate is being decided. Your mood will depend on which carriage you sit in, and therefore the happiness of the entire composition of your family. An unhappy, tired and disappointed mother in life is not the best comforter for children and a muse for a spouse.
Let’s immediately remove the “all are like this and I will tolerate” setting here! Remove and move away from wherever groans and complaints about fate are heard. It is always easier to shift responsibility to that very fate and fate, and not to take it into your own hands.
Read also: How not to lose yourself after the birth of children – the rules of survival in the decree from the psychologist and mother Olga Fatum
How Marina combined work as a blogger with her family
“Marina did not have time to work before the decree. Already unbearable to get married. Wedding, pregnancy. First. Second. At the end of the second decree, the question of making money arose, and the girl hastened to prove herself in the most convenient format – an online profession. She took several promising courses from a social media guru, boosted her Instagram and even started getting her first orders. There were not many of them, they were irregular, it was necessary to work more and more to promote the blog, and there was no more time in the day. As a result, Marina snapped and ended up at my consultation.
Why didn’t Marina manage to combine a prestigious online profession with family and everyday life?
Marina realized that in order to do the job even “well”, she must remove her children from the field of visibility with the help of gadgets or strangers, and instead of bed with her husband, she began to spend the night with the phone – she developed a guilt complex. It was he who brought her to my virtual office. To hypocrite and deceive herself that it was convenient for her to work like this, she could no longer. “
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Filter information and examine ourselves
Of course, Marina’s story is just an example. There are others. When mothers, after many years of work in the office, find themselves in business or blogging. It is important in this matter to understand what is right for you, and not for Marina or someone else. Hence, the most important conclusion is that we filter information and examine ourselves.
I repeat: get away from advice and advisers that drive you into a nervous tic and melancholy. Your dream job cannot be called a job from the word “slavery”. It should be a well-paid hobby.
Hence, it is very important to understand who you really are, what is yours and what is not. Start with simple things: color, taste, smell, body sensations, favorite emotions, and so on. This is the only way to find yourself in this world. All the most famous millionaires write that they have never thought about what they work, they, first of all, do what they love. What drove them to success? The formula is simple: passion for a hobby multiplied by the time spent on mastering objective activity.
Working with Marina
How did we work with Marina to get her out of her frustration at work? Let me remind you that she blamed herself for the fact that, despite the online format of work, she could not fully spend time with her family and at the same time earned little.
To begin with, we carried out work on the guilt complex, since this emotion knocked us out of the working order. It was not without psychotherapy: I had to step into the past and pick up children’s grievances against parents. I do not like to call them traumas, since this is again about sacrifice, and you and I are adults and responsible individuals.
After we paid tribute to our parents and ancestors, we could return to ourselves again. We conducted a whole session devoted to career guidance in order to understand what actually suits Marina’s psychotype in terms of work, where she is more effective, where is her success.
Finally, we went through a series of coaching techniques for identifying and setting life priorities. And since at the same time it was important for us to maintain the client’s interest in the financial component, we discovered and worked out another important problem – the guilt complex of a working and earning mother. I will dwell here in more detail, since this is a very common problem for mothers after maternity leave – they do not allow themselves to subconsciously work and earn money.
“I allow myself to be a successful and happy mom!”
“Close your eyes and picture your children in front of you. Breathe in, dissolve in love for children, accept their love and breathe out this love into the space around you. Open your eyes and wherever you are – whether at home or in the boss’s office – feel the love of your children, may it always be by your side, energize you and inspire you for deeds, including workers. ”
Yes, others may be different. Perhaps the neighbor Masha cannot work and combine this with the children. Maybe your mom or mother-in-law has such an attitude. And you have your own: you are a successful and prosperous mother, the best mother for the best children. Everything is going well and well with you. Your children are proud of your success and this is mutual. Mom’s success is contagious in the best sense of the word. You inspire and light up new stars!
Why do we need this kind of auto-training? Any text can be here. Write them down for yourself on a piece of paper or on a tape recorder, read and listen every day, especially when you are covered with a guilt complex in front of your children and your husband. If it’s important for you to be a successful mom, you can do it. How to understand that this is important for you, I have already written above – study yourself!
The most important success mindset for moms: “I allow myself to be a successful and happy mom!”
How did the story with Marina end?
She took a job at a large online company as a promising professional with a very decent salary.
How did we do it?
We calculated with her what real income she expected to go out on her online work “for herself” before, how much she actually earned after, added here her financial dreams and expectations based on cash expenses and requests.
Working “for an uncle” with a fixed salary is the result of our advice on career guidance. This is about Marina, this is her way, it is easier for her. We chose a schedule, defined the terms of reference, what she can already as a specialist, discussed and highlighted the strengths in the resume. Finally, we have drawn a scale of financial growth: the comfortable minimum from which she is ready to start in the profession today in order to earn better tomorrow. We prepared for the interview with such an attitude that it is she who is persuaded, and not she is elected from many other candidates.
This attitude towards uniqueness always works “with a bang” in my practice, when it comes to you as a specialist and all that you lack is a little confidence and a magic pendel to boot. In fact, this was my main task in this work with Marina.
When an employer sees you as a self-confident successful person, a well-defined professional who knows how to sell himself, he believes that it is you who will bring good luck and income to his company. He chooses you.
Hence, an important rule: it is not easy to dream of success, look for it inside yourself and radiate it outside, infect the people around you with it, as well as with love.
It’s not easy after the decree. But really. The main desire! Do you want to earn decent money and be a good mom and wife at the same time? Then go ahead!
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