To refuse someone, even in such a way as not to offend, is generally a difficult task for many. And even more so if it concerns matters of the heart.
Following the lead of men and agreeing to their proposals against their will, many girls thereby say “no” to themselves and their choice.
This is often due to:
- inability to build personal boundaries;
- inability to defend their desires;
- fear of being rejected or, worse, taken under his rule by a man against his will.
All of the above, of course, has its own reasons for its occurrence, and it is imperative to work on them. And sometimes with a specialist.
In the meantime, read the advice of a psychologist and expert in the relationship between men and women – Elena Tolkacheva. She told in what situations and how a girl can delicately and without consequences say “no” to a man.
How to refuse to communicate, date
You barely know each other yet. Perhaps even only by correspondence. But he has interest and sympathy for you. Therefore, he wants to continue communication and asks for a date. But you can’t or don’t want to.
How to refuse? Straight! It doesn’t matter which reason is your choice.
If you never want to communicate and meet with him again, say so: “Sorry, but no, we will not get along in many ways. We have different views on important things in life. I will never accept … “
Well, if you are simply uncomfortable this time, then tell me that later you will write the date, time and place when you will be free and ready.
If a guy came up to you on the street and called you for a walk, and you, for example, are already in a relationship or are free, but the young man does not arouse your sympathy, then you can answer him like this: “Man, you are, of course, handsome, but I’m afraid my boyfriend / husband will not be thrilled.”…
There was a case in my life: I’m standing near the “Moscow City”, all in furs and on the phone. A decent man with a briefcase comes up to me and says: “I want to invite you for a follow-up dinner, there is a good restaurant upstairs here.”…
I was not at all embarrassed – Moscow is the same. She answered him: “Now a Chechen husband with 4 children will come for me, I’m afraid he won’t understand”… He was blown away by the wind.
How to deny a man in a relationship
Read also: How to learn to say no to people – 5 exercises from psychologists
It so happens that you have gone beyond the first or second date, or maybe already at the first meeting you realized that this is not your person. But he insists on continuing the relationship.
If you are strongly opposed, tell him the following: “You know, I’ll be honest with you, during our communication I realized that you are not the man with whom I would like to build a relationship or a family. It happens” or “Believe me, I am not who you need”…
And it is not even necessary to explain something in detail, to make excuses.
And if, for example, a colleague proposes a relationship, then you can easily refuse, answering that you do not accept office romances, because “I already had a negative experience / do not want to mix work and personal / this will not lead to good, and other reasons”…
In our dating agency there was a case when the man himself did not dare to tell the girl that he no longer sees the continuation of the relationship. He hid in every possible way and ignored her calls.
When I, as an agent, found out about this situation, I called the client and asked why he was doing this. Received the answer: “I am afraid that she has already fallen in love, she will suddenly climb into the noose”…
When the girl found out about everything, she said: “It’s good that God took me away from such an indecisive person.”… So, whatever the truth, it’s better to say.
How to deny a man intimacy
One of the age-old questions and the same age-old problem for many girls. And the topic is one of the most delicate.
If you and a man have not yet entered into intimacy (and even more so if you have never had one), and he hints at it, then we can say this: “Sorry, but I’m not ready yet, I take this seriously and want THIS to happen when I am sure of our feelings and your intentions for sure.”…
If you are in a relationship (meeting, living together, or even married), then in principle you need to sit down and calmly, in an adult way, talk about your intimate relationships and let each other understand how many times a week / month someone needs, what suits bed, and what categorically not.
And if your intimacy is far from the first, but today you don’t want to, then tell him why. For instance: “Forgive me, darling, but today I am very tired at work, I’m squeezed out to the utmost, I will not physically have the strength, and you don’t want me to lie like a log” (yes yes it works).
If something on that day ruined your mood (a conflict with your boss, everyday problems, illness, a quarrel with your man, etc.), then if you refuse intimacy, you need to calmly say that you are in the wrong mood and just not you will be able to portray a seductive kitty in bed and bask in the “I do not want”. And that in such a state neither you nor he will get pleasure.
Know not to want intimacy at certain times and give it up – it’s okay!
But agreeing to it against your will, just to please your partner or not cause aggression in him (perhaps you are afraid of him) is completely abnormal!
Remember, if you are forced into intimacy when you do not want to, and perhaps even by force, this is already an abuse. It’s better to run away from this altogether.
How to refuse a loan request
A man is not a friend, not a mother, and in general is not the person to whom a woman can lend. And if a man asks for a loan from his woman, this is a wake-up call. It is he who can give her money (and not in debt), and not vice versa.
If there is no money, go and earn money (in our time there are so many opportunities) or, in extreme cases, ask the bank, and not the woman with whom you are building a relationship. It’s my opinion.
Having taken from a woman once, a man will repeat this more than once, believing that he can always rely on her (and, as an option, not repay the debt, will still forgive), relax and, perhaps, even sit on her neck.
So, how can you deny a man such a non-trivial request?
You could say so: “I don’t lend to anyone at all, especially to men. This is my rule of life. “ It can be supported by the explanation that there was a bad experience (and more than one) when the money was not returned.
You can also let the person know that you don’t want to ruin your relationship with money. You don’t want to be reminded of the return of the debt, you don’t want to lose confidence if the promise is not fulfilled. And in general you cannot and do not want to give money that you yourself may need.
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