What is the relationship between the two based on? The “three whales” of a happy family life are mutual feelings, complete mutual understanding and, of course, trust. Moreover, the last “whale” is the most solid and important. Trust is easy to lose, but to win, alas, is extremely difficult. What if family trust is lost? How can I restore it?
The content of the article:
Most Common Causes of Loss of Trust in the Family
A relationship without trust is always torture for both. And I don’t want to lose my dear half (after all, so much has been passed and experienced together!), And … there is no more strength to pretend that everything is fine. Escaping is always easier, but it’s worth at least trying to restore trust in the relationship. The main thing is to identify the causes of the “disease” and correctly prescribe the “treatment”. The main reasons for the loss of trust:
- Treason. It cuts trust at its root – immediately and, as a rule, irrevocably. Even if both pretend that nothing happened, then sooner or later this painful box of memory will still open. Not to mention that one half will constantly doubt the other – is it really at work, or maybe again somewhere with someone, or maybe not from work, they call him (her) in the evenings?
- Jealousy. Green monster, destroyer of any relationship. And the main indicator is that it is time to change something in the family. Jealousy is one hundred percent indicator that there is no trust in a partner. Jealousy, like a worm, gnaws out the feeling from the inside to the very foundation, if you don’t stop in time and think – is there any point in being jealous? And who gets better from it?
- Lie. Big, small, understatements or hidden facts, insignificant and frequent, or rare and monstrous. Lying undermines trust on the second try (the first is usually forgiven and swallowed).
- Inconsistency of words and deeds. Even the hottest words about love cease to matter if the actions are indifference and neglect of a partner. If this behavior is not a temporary crisis period with certain reasons, but a true indifference, then sooner or later trust, and then relations, will come to an end.
- Lack of trust even in the candy-bouquet period. That is, the illusion of trust at the initial stage, but in reality it is either a fateful meeting of two chronic “gulen”, or a feeling that has not been reborn into true love.
- Unjustified expectations. When they promise the moon from the sky and “all life on hand”, but in fact live like neighbors in a hostel.
It is extremely difficult to restore trust in a relationship. But if you really want and have patience, then you can give the relationship a second life.
See also: Is it worth confessing to treason – all the pros and cons
The main mistakes when trying to regain trust in the family – do not make them!
Attempts to regain the trust of a partner are different for everyone – according to the situation and the strength of the feeling (if it remains). The main thing here is to carefully analyze what happened after all:
- What could undermine your partner’s trust in you?
- Do you still have the same feelings for him?
- Are you afraid of losing your soul mate or can you do without it?
- Are you ready to conquer it again?
- What has changed in you since the moment when your partner trusted you completely and completely?
- How exactly do you understand the word “trust”?
If you understand that you cannot do without your partner, and are ready to start from scratch, avoid the most common mistakes:
- Don’t blame your partner for losing trust. Trust – it involves the participation of two. And the blame, accordingly, falls equally on both.
- Any accusations are a road to nowhere. It is impossible to regain trust by throwing reproaches. Begin to create, and do not continue the path of destroying the family.
- Don’t try to buy your partner’s trust. No gifts and travel can overcome the feeling that a “black hole” has formed in your family (in this case, we are not talking about a relationship of convenience).
- Don’t be obsessive in your quest to “make atonement.” If you cheated on your partner, and now you circle a bee around him, carry coffee in bed and bake kulebyaki every evening, looking ingratiatingly into your eyes “have you already forgiven or still have coffee with kulebyak?”, You will hardly be reciprocated. At best, a regal-looking partner will accept your “gifts” favorably. But after that, the culmination with a showdown will still take place. They simply will not believe in the sincerity of your concern after you ran away for a long time, slamming the door, gritting your teeth, or defiantly leaving to spend the night with your mother. Insincerity at such a moment will be especially acute.
- Enough words! Swearing and hitting yourself in the chest with a heel “yes, I am without you …” is meaningless. If you are not trusted, you will not be believed.
- Don’t be humiliated. Crawling on your knees and begging for forgiveness also makes no sense. You will fall even more in the eyes of your partner.
- Don’t try asking friends and family to “have a heart-to-heart” conversation with your partner. The partner’s pride will not stand it. Everything that happens in the family must remain in the family.
- It is categorically impossible to use children for these purposes. Manipulate your partner with the “think about the children!” or persuading children to influence dad is the worst option.
10 surefire ways to restore trust in your family – how to restore relationships?
Where to begin? What to do? What steps to take to get your partner to look at you with loving eyes again? After analyzing the situation, self-pity and taking into account all possible mistakes, we recall what experts say in such a situation:
- Admit your wrong (guilt) if you are wrong. There is no point in proving that you were honest if you really lied. This will only aggravate the conflict.
- Talk to your spouse about what happened. Sincerely, honestly. Find a moment when your partner is able to listen and hear you.
- The reason for the mistrust is his jealousy? Exclude from your life everything that can provoke new suspicions of your partner – coordinates, meetings, even thoughts about an object to which you are jealous. Is jealousy groundless? Let your partner know that there is no reason for her. And change your life. Perhaps you yourself give your partner reasons to be jealous of you – too bright makeup, too short skirts, working late, incomprehensible calls home, a password-protected computer, etc. If you have nothing to hide, be open about everything. If your partner’s trust is dear to you, you don’t need to dress for work like for a Miss World competition. Of course, there are such jealous people for whom the reason is even the smile of the seller, sent to you in passing in the store. But this is already “from another opera”, and a completely different topic.
- Do not try to return everything as it was, immediately after the conflict. Give your partner time to come to their senses, think and analyze the situation.
- The reason for the loss of trust is the established fact of your betrayal? Whatever you do, everything will depend on whether he has the strength to forgive you. Do not humiliate yourself, do not beg, do not give details and do not throw tantrums in the spirit of “you paid me little attention” or “I was drunk, forgive me, fool.” Just admit your guilt, calmly report that it happened because of your great stupidity, and explain to your partner that you do not want to lose him, but you will accept any of his decisions. If he made the decision to leave you, you still cannot hold him back. Therefore, any tricks, entreaties and humiliations will not be in your favor.
- Without ingratiating himself or imposing, without remembering the reasons for the conflict, without pictures, sincerely start living from scratch, as if you just met today. The partner will either be forced to rebuild, dot the “i’s” and support you, or (if he has already internally made a decision for himself that he can no longer trust you) will leave.
- If you embark on the difficult path of restoring trust, do not involve your relatives in this process. They will be superfluous. Everything should be decided only between you.
- If your partner is able to talk to you and even meets you, offer him a joint trip. You will have the opportunity to calmly discuss all your problems, and there will be a chance to “open a second wind” for your feelings.
- Prove to your partner that you are ready to fight for your love – you are ready for compromises, concessions, ready to resolve issues without hysterics “in a human way” that you are ready to listen and hear your partner.
- Has your partner forgiven you? Never go back to the past. Build the future on absolute openness, mutual support and understanding.
And remember that no one will give you a second chance.
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