How to tell real friends from fake ones – psychologist’s advice
“A friend can always help me out,
If something happens suddenly,
Needed to be someone
In difficult times
This is what a true, faithful friend means. ” (Song from the m / f “Timka and Dimka”)
True friends know more about us than our parents. Old friendships are deeply rooted and our lives can take completely different paths, but we still feel our connection.
When my parents and I moved to a new apartment, a girl opposite us knocked on the door. She said: “Hi, my name is Natasha. Let’s be friends”. We were 7 years old. We have been friends for 30 years, and nothing can break our connection. Yes, each of us has our own life, our own family, affairs. But we both know that if something pleasant or unpleasant happens, each will rush to help at least at 3 in the morning. And it is enough for us to call and say 2 words – and we feel the mood of each other. This is an invaluable feeling.
There are excellent examples of long-term friendship between the stars. For example, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet have been friends since filming Titanic for 25 years.
You can read the touching story of their relationship in our article: “Friendship Proven over the Years: Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet”
Know! If your friend is treating you differently than you would like, tell him that. As in personal life, friendships can grow and develop, or end and disappear.
Let’s see, which of our friends can we really rely on? Pay attention to eloquent signals that cannot be ignored even with those closest to you …
1. How often are friends interested in your life?
When you ask a friend: “How was your weekend?”, Is he also interested in your weekend, or is this communication often one-way? The more two people share information, the better they get to know each other. But when the conversation is one-sided, it should alert you. The basis of any relationship is reciprocity.
If you find that most of your conversations focus on the needs and interests of just one person, ask yourself why this is happening. Also, note: Are you looking forward to talking to this friend, or feeling emotionally drained after talking to them?
2. When friends contact you, do they ask for anything?
There is something insincere about when a friend accidentally calls or texts you, asks you a couple of routine questions, and then moves on to a request or a favor. He is not interested in you – he just needs something for himself, and he remembered about you.
If dealing with such a friend ultimately goes beyond a sincere and casual conversation, it may not be the friendship you were thinking.
3. Does a friend come to your aid?
Have you ever helped your friend just to help you someday? Probably not. This level of relationship is too selfish and consumerist. There is no “hand washes” relationship between true friends.
Appreciation and gratitude are one of the most powerful ways to show how much we value someone’s efforts, and in close relationships this is not always expected, but very valuable! If you, again, do not have a balance between give-receive actions, perhaps you should take a closer look at your friendship – or rather, revise it?
4. Do you most often communicate on social networks?
During the quarantine, there was no opportunity to communicate with friends in person, and this turned out to be a problem. While we do depend on social media these days to stay in touch, live communication has never been canceled.
The friends we meet on the Internet can become true friends over time, but not all contacts are really valuable. If your interaction started and remained at the level of simple comments or likes, then you should not call it friendship.
5. Can you really be yourself next to a friend?
A sign of a true friend is that next to him you can be yourself without fear, without fear of judgment.… You have no apprehension or fear of saying the wrong thing. What is your body telling you when you are spending time with a supposed friend? Pay attention to your feelings!
If you tense, choose your words carefully, watch your movements, and prefer closed poses, all this can be a signal that you are uncomfortable with completely relaxing in front of this person.
6. Is your friendship mainly related to drinking alcohol?
Friendship requires a variety of experiences and new shared memories. Think if you are stuck in your habit of doing the same thing over and over?
Perhaps you have a friend with whom you communicate only for a specific reason (or occasion), but nothing more. Let’s say you’re comfortable drinking beer with him on Fridays in the pub. Or you only meet to drink a bottle in the kitchen and gossip. Remember, real friends are not the ones who are always with you at the bar, but the ones who will make sure you get home safely late at night.
Remember! A friend is a person who treats you with sincerity and love. To have such a friend is the highest gift! If you have such a friend, appreciate him, and if not, look for him. And be happy!
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