“I am afraid to go home because my husband is a despot”
Recently, a nice-looking, middle-aged woman came to see me. She said that she is engaged in massage therapy, spiritual practice and is raising two children. In general, everything is fine, but there is one problem: she is afraid to go home. This is how she told me her story.
“My husband is outwardly very calm – at work he is an exemplary employee, all neighbors consider him kind and helpful and always turn to him for help, on the street he politely greets his friends and smiles at them sweetly. But at home he turns into a horror monster!
When I come home, he passionately asks me where I was, who I saw, what I talked about. Sometimes he just gets offended and doesn’t talk to me for 3 days. The dog is not allowed to enter the space where he is. Children also sit in their room and try not to go out when he is at home. One day after work I went to a fitness class and came back later than usual. He got so angry that he attacked me from the doorway with his fists. He didn’t let me say a word.
Being in constant stress, I was not surprised when an unpleasant illness fell on me. Sorry for the detail – I got hemorrhoids. And than I just did not treat him – nothing helped.
Once, after another scandal with my husband, I packed up the necessary things, took the children and went to the station. I bought tickets to the city where my sister lived, and we went to her. Already on the train, I felt that I was released first in my chest, and then THERE. The hemorrhoids disappeared as if they had never happened! And all 2 weeks, while we lived with my sister, I did not remember about him.
But when we just crossed the threshold of our apartment, I felt a familiar burning sensation and realized that my illness had returned with the same strength. And then I realized that this is pure psychosomatics.
I am not ready to leave my husband, as he fully provides for me and the children, so I decided to turn to a specialist so that they could help me to overcome my fear of my husband. Stop being a victim and put yourself in such a way that he treats me kindly and with respect. After all, he can treat unfamiliar people like that!
I really hope that you will help me and we will be able to live a healthy and happy life. “
Marina, 41 years old
You might be interested in: 5 tips to stop making excuses and free yourself from toxic relationships
First, we worked with Marina her inner tension, which was associated with the fear of being left alone with the children and without a livelihood. Having got rid of this fear, Marina began to feel more confident and realized that she had a job, that she had skills that would help her cope financially and that she could, even without the support of her husband, be capable of herself and her children with everything she needed.
And also Marina saw the strengths of her personality and realized her worth, accepted her weaknesses and realized that it is normal to sometimes show weakness, that she has the right to be imperfect.
At subsequent meetings, tactics of behavior with her husband were developed, for this she had to remember how those colleagues and women acquaintances who had a good relationship with her husband and were in a successful marriage behave in everyday life and when communicating with their husbands.
In parallel, Marina was undergoing a course of hemorrhoid treatment with a good effect.
Then I advised her to do the following: every day, with the help of simple psychotechnics, she got rid of fears, feelings of guilt, shame and excessive responsibility and received peace of mind, joy and self-confidence.
A month later, the woman came to me and said that she gradually began to feel more confident, realized her value as a woman, mistress and mother, stopped blaming herself for many mistakes and relaxed about the future of her marriage. All of this eventually caught her husband off guard. Since at first he did not know how to behave with this “new” woman now, he became less aggressive and even confused. Marina took advantage of her husband’s temporary confusion and tried to explain to him how important love and mutual respect in the family are for her, made it clear that she would no longer tolerate assault and wanted to find out if her husband was ready to live with her on new terms. The husband was reluctant at first, but gave his consent and in recent weeks has been trying to behave more restrainedly with Marina.
And the hemorrhoids didn’t get worse anymore.
Together we rejoiced at her success, and in the end I gave her some parting advice: to continue to study herself, her strengths of character, appreciate and develop them, and use them in all spheres of life. After all, as soon as a person begins to love and respect himself, those around him begin to appreciate him, too. unconsciously read information from it: “You can love me, you can appreciate and respect me.”
If you had a similar situation in life, write how you dealt with it in the comments to the article. Perhaps your experience will be useful to other women who find themselves in similar circumstances.
Must share this useful content with your loved one's
Visit Bologny for more useful and informative articles!