Modern society now looks much more simply at many things that would have seemed nonsense not so long ago and could have met with harsh censure. The same applies to unequal marriages, where the woman is significantly older than the man. What to expect from such a union in the future, when a man is much younger than a woman?
Is there a future in a relationship where the woman is older? Analyzed by Bologny psychologists.
A woman is older than a man – the psychology of such relationships
If a partner is chosen according to a set of some ideal characteristics, this does not sound like love. It is a desire to meet social standards. In the eyes of people, there is a stereotype that a man must necessarily be older or at least the same age. But does this guarantee a happy marriage? That you will be good together? It’s important to ask yourself why age means so much in a relationship? What does it change? Fear that your partner will go to a younger woman? Why didn’t he choose the younger one from the beginning and chose you? Maybe it doesn’t bother him? The pursuit of the perfect picture in a relationship is the desire for approval from other people.
There are very few of you and your true desires and values in this. The desire of an older man may be a latent desire to shift responsibility for his life onto him and find a “daddy” instead of a husband. Or the fear that you will be judged and not considered successful in your personal life.
In fact, the most important thing in a relationship is that you and your partner feel good. Who is older, who earns more, who will cook and wash – these are the little things that can be settled. They don’t interfere with love and healthy relationships. Dependence on public opinion, fears and a desire to assert themselves in a relationship, and not to love and accept love, interferes.
Practicing coach, psychologist, author of her educational programs and trainings for women
If a woman is older than a man: problems and solutions in marriage and relationships with a younger man
- Condemnation of society.
No matter how tolerant our society is, it often happens that unions, when a woman is much older than a man, cause universal tacit censure. And, it seems, no one says anything directly, but a neighbor may suddenly tell a sad story of how her acquaintance was abandoned by a young lover. Or a colleague at work smiles sarcastically when you talk about your marital happiness. It happens that people can openly say that you are not a couple. Sad thoughts begin to torment you and you are already seriously thinking about the correctness of your choice.
But only you can build your life and destiny… And can someone’s words really affect your life and your happiness? Of course not. If everything suits you in your man, he loves you, and you love him, then the last thing you should care about is what others think about it.
- Jealousy of a loved one to his peers.
When they marry a man much younger than themselves, women very often face the fact that they begin to be jealous of their husbands towards the younger girls who surround him. It seems that they also look better and they may have more interests with your man. But this is not entirely true. After all, your husband chose you because it is with you that he is interested in and that you are the most beautiful and desirable woman for him. See also: How to get rid of jealousy forever?
A man unwittingly looks for a woman who would take care of him, since he is subconsciously very attached to his mother. He is comfortable with a woman much older than him.who will be calm and wise, who knows that she needs family happiness and will not be tormented by thoughts – and not if I get married early and put an end to youth life, as is often the case with young people.
- The financial side of the relationship.
Often in a marriage where the woman is older than the man, financial difficulties can arise. For example, when a woman has already fully taken place and earns good money, and a man is just beginning to take the first steps up the career ladder. Plus – the situation can be aggravated by the fact that the young man wants to give you expensive gifts and various surprises, which can also hit the family budget. As a matter of fact, the way out of this situation is quite simple, and the problem itself is also not worth a lot of worries.
No wonder they say that the woman makes a man for herself… Support him in everything, inspire, let him believe that everything will definitely work out with you. And over time, he really will stand firmly on his feet.
As for the family budget, you can distribute it in such a way that you will spend most of the money on the main items of household expenses, since mature women, in any case, are more economical and are more reasonable in spending money. Well, you can plan some joint entertainment with your husband.
The main thing – do not forget to be sure to consult with a man about some big purchases, even if it was you who earned most of the money from them. After all, a man, even if he is much younger than you, but he should feel like the head of the family.
- Children in unequal marriage.
Children are another difficult issue in a relationship with a younger man. It so happens that a woman already has children from previous marriages, and she absolutely has no desire to give birth even at an elderly age. And a young man, on the contrary, wants to have children, since he does not have them. Or your husband thinks that he is still too young, but you understand that time does not stand still and every year you have less and less chances of getting pregnant and having a baby. See also: What you need to know about late pregnancy and childbirth?
Of course, such serious questions you should discuss with your young husband even before marriage, so that, subsequently, not for any of you there were no unpleasant surprises associated with completely different views on a joint future.
What are the benefits of being in a relationship when a woman is older than a man?
But in marriage, when a woman is older than a man, there is also indisputable advantages, which can negate all, often just seeming to us, the disadvantages of these relations.
- Sexual life.
As you know, a man needs much less sex with age, and a woman, on the contrary, needs more. And therefore, in couples where the husband and wife are of the same age on sexual grounds, there are often quarrels and misunderstandings between partners.
In couples where the woman is older, this question is balanced and comes complete harmony in intimate life, which cannot but have a positive effect on married life as a whole.
- The incentive to look good.
Surely, many of us have noticed how good the wives of young husbands look. After all, who, if not they, have a constant incentive to look well-groomed and young in their age. A woman begins to take care of herself, dress fashionably and stylishly, use high-quality cosmetics, the proposals of modern cosmetology or even plastic surgery, which cannot but reflect in the best way on her appearance.
And it often happens that such women look much better than their peers her young husband.
- Raising the perfect husband.
A young man, as a rule, does not yet have clearly established principles and unshakable ideals in his head, which can often be found among older representatives of the stronger sex. And this cannot but play into your hands.
Of course, we are not now talking about the fact that you will need to raise him like a small child, hammering your attitude into his head.
But, with the help of delicate participation in the formation of his views on life and some principled positions, you have every chance of making him just such an ideal manyou’ve always dreamed of.
Relationships with a much younger man are still fraught with many different nuances that will accompany you throughout your life together. But, no matter how trite it may sound, if you have love, then with it you will overcome any difficulties.
Relationships where the woman is older – do they have a future? Opinion of psychologist, astrologer Anna Guseva
To begin with, we must realize that age does not exist. We can see individualities at 14 years old with the gaze of an old man, and vice versa, a person at 60 years old + who actively learns something new, learns, actively travels the world and is open to everything. It depends on temperament and character.
A woman takes energy from nature and shares it with a man, and in return he gives her security. If a woman motivates a man, then her age does not exist. If there is joy, faith in your man, trust in him, then he is filled with these states. But a woman at different ages can begin to be jealous, offended, demanding and nagging – this cripples the man, and he begins to look for another state.
Today you can often hear the phrase “the girl is older than me.” However, in modern society, people are much easier to relate to couples where the man is older. But consider a relationship where the man is younger. A woman has an incentive to look great: she visits gyms, leads an active lifestyle. In addition, an adult wise woman is able to customize her man for herself. A young, still inexperienced guy will easily agree to this and give her a sense of integrity in return. Especially if earlier the guy lacked mother’s care and comfort.
Such a pair has a full sex life. As you know, the peers of mature women do not feel the need for regular intimate communication, and the representatives of the female half of the world do.
Of course, in a relationship where a woman is older than a man, there are disadvantages:
- Condemnation of others. However, everything depends on self-esteem, so if a woman sets herself “I am the main thing in my life, I build my life,” then such a relationship has a future. If you depend on the opinion of the public, then this relationship cannot exist.
- A woman takes risks, she may be jealous, but this depends on her wisdom. It is important to remember that people do not belong to each other, there is true love, but there is dependent love. Dependent love is an exaggerated requirement for a person.
- The money question. Financial security is important for wives. His faith in her is based on how much she helps him and gives him the opportunity to remain a man with her.
Here I will give simple tips if you decide to build a relationship with an age gap. Firstly, you should not pay attention to the opinions of the public, you need to trust the man, realizing that you have become his choice, and this increases self-esteem. You need to overcome the fear of change, make joint plans for the future, and, of course, figure out if this is true love or addicted. If the girl is older than the guy, this does not mean that you need to give up the relationship.
In fact, such a relationship is useful to both parties: a woman has life experience, and a man in this case has a greater supply of vital energy. They can achieve a lot in life by combining efforts. I will note that a woman should not treat her husband like a child, showing excessive concern.
And do not forget that there is a category of men who are looking for older women. This reminds them of a state of harmony, environmental friendliness of thought, confidence in the future and devotion.
There are also many examples of happy couples where the wife is older than the husband and among celebrities. One has only to remember Salvador Dali and his wife and muse Gala or the strong family of Hugh Jackman and Deborah de Lüyis, but the example of the recently mother of Alla Pugacheva with her young husband Maxim Galkin can give optimism even to the most suspicious women who have been tied or just want to tie your life with a man younger than yourself.
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