According to statistics, there are not so many large families in our country – only 6.6%. And the attitude in society towards such families in our time remains contradictory: some are sure that many children are a sea of happiness and help in old age, others explain the “phenomenon of having many children” by the irresponsibility of individual parents.
Are there any pluses in a large family, and how to preserve your individuality in it?
The content of the article:
- Pros and cons of a large family
- Big family – when can you call it happy?
- How to stay an individual in a big family?
Pros and cons of a large family – what are the advantages of large families?
There are a great many myths, fears and contradictions when discussing large families. Moreover, they (these fears and myths) seriously affect the decision of young parents – to continue to raise the country’s demography or stay with two kids.
Many want to continue, but the disadvantages of having many children scare and stop halfway:
- The refrigerator (and not even one) is emptied instantly. Even 2 growing organisms require a lot of products every day – naturally fresh and of high quality. What can we say, if the kids are four, five, or even 11-12.
- Not enough money. The requests of a large family, even with the most modest calculations, are similar to the requests of 3-4 ordinary families. Don’t forget about spending on education, clothing, doctors, toys, recreation, etc.
- Finding compromises and maintaining a friendly atmosphere among children is extremely difficult – there are many of them, and all with their own characters, habits, characteristics. We have to look for certain “tools” of upbringing so that the authority of parents among all children is stable and indisputable.
- Leaving the kids to a grandmother for the weekend or a neighbor for a couple of hours is impossible.
- There is a catastrophic lack of time. For all. For cooking, for work, for “pity, caress, talk.” Parents get used to lack of sleep and chronic fatigue, and the division of responsibilities always follows the same pattern: older children take on part of the parent’s burden.
- It is difficult to maintain individuality, and being an owner simply will not work: in a large family, as a rule, there is a “law” on collective property. That is, everything is in common. And there is not always an opportunity even for your own personal corner. Not to mention “listen to your music”, “sit in silence”, etc.
- Traveling for a large family is either impossible or difficult. Easier for those families who can buy a large minibus. But here, too, difficulties await – you will have to take a lot more things with you, food, again, increases in price according to the number of family members, you have to spend a lot of money on hotel rooms. It is also quite difficult to go to visit, meet friends.
- Parents’ personal life is difficult. There is no way to run away for a couple of hours, it is impossible to leave the children alone, and at night someone will definitely want to drink, pee, listen to a fairy tale, because it’s scary, etc. The emotional and physical stress on parents is quite serious, and you have to make a lot of effort not to become strangers to each other, not to become a servant for children, not to lose credibility among them.
- In the career of two at once, most often you can give up. Running up the career ladder, when you have lessons, then cooking, then endless sick leave, then circles in different parts of the city – it is simply impossible. As a rule, dad works, and mom sometimes manages to earn money at home. Of course, as children grow up, time becomes more, but the main opportunities have already been missed. Children or career – what should a woman choose?
Someone will be surprised, but the advantages in a large family are still present:
- Constant self-development of mom and dad. Whether you like it or not, personal growth is inevitable. Because on the go you have to adjust, rebuild, invent, react, etc.
- When the baby is alone, he needs to be entertained. When there are four children, they occupy themselves. That is, there is a little time for household chores.
- A big family means more children’s laughter, fun, joy for parents. Older children help around the house and with the younger ones, and are also an example for the little ones. And how many assistants dad and mom will have in old age – it’s not necessary to say.
- Socialization. There are no owners and egoists in large families. Regardless of desires, everyone comprehends the science of living in society, making peace, looking for compromises, giving in, etc. Children from a young age are taught to work, be independent, take care of themselves and others.
- There is no time to get bored. In a large family, there will be no depression and stress: everyone has a sense of humor (without it, there is simply no way to survive), and there is simply no time for depression.
A large family – what can be hidden behind a sign and when can it be called happy?
Of course, living with a large family is an art. The art of avoiding quarrels, doing everything, resolving conflicts.
Which, by the way, are many in a large family …
- Lack of living space. Yes, there is a myth that families with many children can count on expanding the area, but in reality everything is more complicated. It’s good if there is an opportunity to move (build) a large house outside the city – there will be enough space for everyone. But, as a rule, most families live in apartments, where every centimeter of the area is dear. Yes, and the grown older child can no longer bring a young wife into the house – there is nowhere.
- Lack of money. They are always in short supply in an ordinary family, and even more so here. We have to deny ourselves a lot, “be content with little”. Often, children feel deprived at school / kindergarten – their parents cannot afford expensive things. For example, the same computer or an expensive mobile phone, modern toys, fashionable clothes.
- In general, it is worth talking about clothes separately. One of the unspoken rules of a large family is “the younger ones follow the older ones”. While the kids are small, there are no problems – at 2-5 years old, the child simply does not think about such things. But growing children have an extremely negative attitude to “wearing out”.
- Older children are forced to be support and help for parents… But this situation does not always suit them. After all, at the age of 14-18, their interests appear outside the home, and I absolutely do not want to babysit the kids instead of walking, meeting friends, own hobbies.
- Health problems. Considering that it is almost impossible to devote time to the health of every baby (and just a baby), problems of this kind arise in children often. Lack of vitamins and a full-fledged diet (after all, you have to save almost all the time), the inability to strengthen immunity by various methods (training, hardening, swimming pools, etc.), “crowding” of family members in a small room, the inability to constantly keep children in sight ( one fell, another bumped, the third with the fourth had a fight) – all this leads to the fact that parents have to take sick leave very often. What can we say about seasonal diseases: one gets SARS, and everyone else gets it.
- Lack of silence. The regimen for children of different ages, respectively, is different. And when the little ones need to sleep, and the older children need to do their homework, the kids from the middle age category frolic to the fullest. Silence is out of the question.
How to remain an individual in a large family – effective and time-tested rules of upbringing in large families
There is no universal scheme of upbringing in a large family. Everything is individual, and each family has to independently determine the framework, internal rules and laws.
Of course, the main reference point remains unchanged – upbringing should be such that children grow up happy, healthy, self-confident, and do not lose their individuality.
- The authority of the parents must be indisputable! Even taking into account the fact that over time, raising children is divided between older children, dad and mom. The parental word is law. There should be no anarchy in the family. How exactly to build and strengthen their authority, moms and dads decide “in the course of the play” in each individual cell of society. It is also worth remembering that it is wrong to focus exclusively on the needs, interests and whims of the child. Power is dad and mom, people are children. True, the authorities should be kind, loving and understanding. No despots and tyrants.
- Children should have their own personal area, and parents should have their own. The kids should remember that here their toys can “walk” as much as they like, but here (to the parent’s bedroom, to their mother’s desk, to their father’s chair) is categorically impossible. Also, children should know that if the parents are “in the house” (in their personal area), then it is better not to touch them, if this is not urgently needed.
- Parents should give equal attention to all their children. Yes, it is difficult, it does not always work out, but you need to keep up – communicate with each kid, play, discuss children’s problems. Let it be 10-20 minutes a day, but for each and personally. Then the children will not fight each other for the attention of mom and dad. How can family responsibilities be divided equally?
- You can not overload your children with responsibilities – even if they are already “big” and are able to partially relieve mom and dad. Children are not given birth in order to then throw their upbringing on someone else. And the obligations assumed at the birth of the next baby are the responsibility of the parents and no one else. Of course, there is no need to raise egoists – children should not grow up as spoiled sissies. Therefore, “responsibilities” can be imposed on your children solely for educational purposes and dosed, and not because mom and dad have no time.
- The priority system is equally important. We’ll have to learn how to quickly decide what to do immediately and quickly, and what can be put in a distant box altogether. To take on everything in a row is irrational. There will simply be no strength left for anything. Therefore, it is important to learn how to make a choice. And it doesn’t have to imply sacrifice.
- No disagreements between mom and dad! Especially on the topic of intra-family laws and regulations. Otherwise, the authority of the parents will be seriously shaken, and it will be extremely difficult to restore it. Children will listen to mom and dad only if they are one.
- You can’t compare your children. Remember, each one is unique. And he wants to stay that way. The child is offended and painful when he is told that the sister is smarter, the brother is quicker, and even the younger toddlers are more obedient than him.
And the most important thing is create an atmosphere of love, harmony and happiness in the family… It is in such an atmosphere that children grow up as independent, full-fledged and harmonious personalities.
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