A woman in a relationship rarely remembers her ex-man. And even if he remembers, he cannot bear these thoughts “in public” (why once again tease your man?). Men, on the other hand, sometimes allow themselves not only to remember their ex, but also constantly tell their new wives about them. Fortunately, there are not many such men, but this problem does not go away from this either.
What should a woman do if her half constantly mentions her ex-lover?
Why does he remember his ex?
There are not so many reasons:
- He compares you to your ex.
You don’t wash the dishes, wipe the dust, bake pancakes, and still don’t remember how many spoons of sugar to put in his coffee. And she remembered! Such a comparison is clearly not in favor of your relationship. Although, it is quite possible that he is simply tactlessly grumbling, and under these comparisons there is nothing but to “scold” you according to his habits.
- The past won’t let him go
That is, he still loves his ex.
- He’s just a bouncer
Do not feed some men with bread – let me tell you about your exploits. Pat him on the head, chide him for bragging, and take it easy – this will go away as you get older. Or it won’t work.
- Wants you to feel sorry for him
Not scary, but not good either. A man who seeks sympathy from his wife about past relationships (“she left me”, “so many years of life down the drain,” “I did so much for her, and she …”) looks at least strange and not masculine. A real man will never say a bad word about his ex. Even if she was a real bitch and really ditched his best years of life. However, a real man will not dwell on the past at all, so as not to accidentally offend his current wife.
- Wants to make you jealous
- He just wants to speak out and throw out his pain and resentment to you, as a person he trusts.
What should a woman do, how to react to a man’s constant revelations about his ex?
- First, don’t panic
What’s the point? If he loves her, then he will go to her anyway, and your task is not to sink to hysterics and let him go to all 4 directions. Because if he leaves, it means that this is not your prince on a white horse. And yours is somewhere close (already almost jumped). And if he loves you, then all the more there is nothing to worry about.
- Try to figure out why he tells you about her
Pay attention – in what context and how exactly?
- If he complains, then he is either a whiner. (and this does not bode well for your family), or he so subtly hints that you should add salt to soups, meet him in the morning with a cup of coffee, learn to steam the arrows on his trousers, etc. That is, he wants you to change, but he cannot say directly.
- If he is showing off, talk to him.
Just explain that this is unpleasant for you, and that if you hear a story about his exploits again, then only fish and ficus in the corner will meet him after work.
- If he wants you to be jealous, explain that such revelations just make you angry, and do not make you want to love him even more.
- If he is tormented by resentment, and revelations about the ex are just a way to get rid of the ghosts of the past, let him talk. But warn you that this is unpleasant for you. If the situation does not change, most likely things are bad, and he loves her too much to forget.
- Don’t try to compete with his ex.
He is already yours. That is, you have already won. It may well be that your man simply does not shine with tact, and it does not even occur to him that you can get upset from his memories or mentions of his ex.
- Don’t joke back
Many women laugh it off, trying to negate the desire to quarrel, or not wanting to offend her husband. But men are straightforward people. If you want to convey something – speak in the forehead, do not play around, do not try to soften the “blow”. If you do not like these revelations, tell your spouse so. If he loves you, he will draw conclusions. Otherwise, you will simply become a “grateful listener” suffering from the fear of “offending” your loved one. And he will get used to it.
- Don’t ask a man to forget about his ex.
First, it’s impossible. Secondly, such ultimatums will not give the desired result. Relationships are a page of life that cannot be simply torn out physically. Moreover, if a man had before you not just a beloved woman, but a full-fledged family and children (in this case, you will have to put up with the invisible “presence” of his ex in your life).
It doesn’t matter what his ex was for your man. It is important that you are with him now. Do not cheat yourself in vain – a simple conversation sometimes solves all problems at once.
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