Mariah Carey on her toxic relationship with her mother
Sometimes even the most successful and wealthy people, who are applauded by the whole world, can wear scars from childhood and adolescence in their souls all their lives, preventing them from enjoying their achievements. Mariah Carey was fortunate enough to build a stunning career on stage. However, despite the fame and recognition, the singer suffered for a long time due to a toxic relationship with her mother Patricia Hickey.
In the fall of 2020, she published her memoir – a book called “The Meaning of Mariah Carey” in which the singer honestly spoke about the difficult relationship with her mother, describing them as a mixture of love and hate.
The girl was only 3 years old when her father Alfred Roy Carey left the family, and the future star was raised by her mother after the divorce. Patricia was an opera singer by education, and then a vocal teacher, but she could not establish a trusting relationship with her daughter.
“I loved my mother very much and, like most children, tried to feel safe with her. More than anything, I desperately wanted to believe her. But our story is a story of betrayal and beauty. About love and ignorance. About sacrifice and survival. Several times I broke free from the shackles of slavery, but a cloud of sadness will always hang over me, not so much because of my mother, but because of our difficult relationship. “
In her book, Mariah Carey describes how she longed for her mother, but did not feel any warmth or attention from her. Recalling an incident many years ago, the singer said that Patricia did not even notice how her daughter nearly drowned, despite the girl’s heart-rending screams.
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Shared love of music and rivalry
If Mariah and Patricia had anything in common, it was their love of music, but not everything went smoothly here either. When Patricia discovered her daughter’s talent, at first she strongly encouraged and motivated her to study and achieve her goals. And then it became clear that the girl had a real gift, and her mother began to see her as a competitor. She even sarcastically told young Mariah:
“You can only hope that one day you will become at least half as successful a singer as I am.”
“To this day, this phrase of hers haunts me and hurts. I don’t know if she wanted to belittle me, or if her wounded ego spoke in her; but these words literally broke my heart, and I still cannot forget them, ”the singer admitted.
To make matters worse, Mariah Carey realized that her own mother began to perceive her as a rival. The singer was so shocked by this fact that her relationship with Patricia finally deteriorated, and their further communication turned into a formality. Mariah felt that this was the only way to avoid Patricia’s negativity and toxicity.
“When loved ones start to envy you professionally, it’s a recognition of success, but when your own mother actively demonstrates this attitude, it’s especially painful,” said Mariah Carey.
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Setting the boundaries of acceptable communication
With age, Mariah learned to calmly interact with her mother:
“Like many other aspects of my life, my interactions with my mother were full of contradictions and rivalries. It was never just black and white, it was a whole spectrum of emotions. Our relationship is a mixture of pride, pain, shame, gratitude, jealousy, admiration, and disappointment. Complicated love connects my heart to my mother’s. “
The 51-year-old singer is herself a mother of two, and she has already learned to accept Patricia as it is:
“Time has shown that it is useless to try to protect people who have never tried to protect me. And motherhood finally gave me the courage to honestly confess who my mother was to me. I have a place in my heart and life for my mother, but with limitations. It is not easy to create boundaries for communication with the woman who gave birth to me, but I am constantly working on it. “
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