Contrary to the opinion of a common man in the street, a modern guest marriage is not at all a figurative expression, but a real reality, in which (and, oddly enough, many are very successful), mostly star couples, or forced by circumstances to love each other for a long time a friend at a distance. In such couples there is a stamp in the passport, and children, and official relations. There is only a common joint household and warm family dinners every evening, because the “guest” spouses live together only on weekends and holidays. Unless, of course, they have no work to do.
Is such a marriage necessary, and is the game worth the candle?
The content of the article:
Pros of a guest marriage – who benefits from a marriage without spouses living together?
In the pre-revolutionary period, guest marriages often happened in families of nobles, in which husbands were engaged in matters of state importance and visited the wives and children living in the village only on occasion.
Today you will not see anyone with such a marriage. What other marriages are there?
And many even find their advantages in it:
- You don’t have to change your usual way of life, work and place of residence if you are from different countries or cities. Warm meetings on weekends are full of romance.
- If you are 30-40 years old, you have a bad experience of family life, and you don’t want to go through the “hell” of living together, to get used to other people’s habits and share your personal space, then a guest marriage is an ideal option.
- You are creative people who are constantly on the move (at concerts, at exhibitions, tours, etc.), and living together is physically impossible for you. In this case, a guest marriage gives a feeling of stability: after all, even after 3-4 months of absence, they will be waiting for you, and they will be glad to you.
- No stepfathers and stepmothers for children. They do not have to worry about the presence of someone else’s uncle or stranger aunt, as well as go through the scandals of their parents. The family boat is not stormy, and the psyche of children, who were initially accustomed to this lifestyle of their parents, is in perfect order.
- Inviolability of personal space and personal freedom of movement. Spouses do not report to each other – where they are, what they do, what time they come home. Personal freedom is harmoniously (though not for everyone) combined with a sense of nepotism.
- No domestic slavery. There is no need to stand by the stove every evening, wash the whole family, etc.
- You can stay late at work, sit in a cafe with friends until late, fill the refrigerator to your liking. Nobody is waiting for a report on your actions, and there is no need to put up with other people’s “bad” habits.
- The spouses see each other as exceptionally beautiful, cheerful, joyful. And not in a dressing gown with cucumbers on his face and bloating. Or in worn-out sneakers and “sweatpants” with outstretched knees on a sofa with a newspaper.
- In the evening, you can wander around the house in family shorts, drink beer, throw socks by the bed. Or without makeup, putting your feet in a bowl of broth, chatting with your girlfriends while watching a TV series. And no one will mind. Relationships do not interfere with everyday life, leaving overflowing garbage cans, unwashed dishes, heartburn and bloating, and other family “joys” behind. The candy-bouquet period can last indefinitely.
- Relationships are not boring. Each meeting is long-awaited.
Cons of a guest marriage – what complications to expect from separation?
According to statistics, 40% of married couples live in modern Europe as a guest marriage. Family relationships in different countries of the world have completely different traditions and are sometimes built on different principles.
As for Russia, here, according to sociological forecasts, “weekend marriage” will not soon be able to supplant the classical form of the family.
There are too many flaws in it:
- It is extremely difficult to live separately, while remaining in love with spouses. It is common for a person to get out of the habit of people, to make new acquaintances, to get used to his own life, into which, over time, a spouse living somewhere far away simply ceases to fit in.
- It is difficult for children to live in a “guest” family. Either dad is not around for a long time, then mom. Living with them in turn is difficult. And for the psyche of a small child, constant moving is completely harmful. In addition, a child observing this form of marriage from childhood begins to consider it the norm, which will undoubtedly affect his views in the future. What can we say about the psychological complexes that the baby will acquire by adolescence.
- No one will bring you a mug of tea in the evening or a glass of water when you feel bad. Nobody hugs you when you’re scared, anxious, or sad. No one will call a doctor if they have health problems.
- Physical and psychological contact that spouses have in an ordinary family is “unavailable” in a guest marriagelike a phone out of reach. But it is precisely this kind of contact that strengthens the marriage, binds two lives more tightly, gives a feeling of confidence and security.
- If something happens to one of the spouses, the other will not sit by his bed. Exceptions are rare! Such partners are so immersed in their own separate lives that it is extremely difficult to change them dramatically, even for the sake of a loved one.
- The desire to have children, as a rule, is faced with complete rejection of this turn of events. What kind of children when you live apart? Another question is if your marriage became a guest marriage after the birth of children, and the transition from the classic version of the family to the guest marriage was soft and gradual. But even in this case, it will be hard for mom: children, sleepless nights, chickenpox and acute respiratory infections, lessons – everything is on the mother. Guest marriage in this situation becomes unequal. Sooner or later, dad will have to move in with his family or file for divorce.
- Any test is a ruin for a guest marriage. Whether it’s a serious illness, home loss, or any other serious problem.
Well, and most importantly. A guest marriage is doomed, and it’s only a matter of time. Can you imagine yourself as 90-year-old spouses volunteering in different cities or homes because you “value your freedom too much”? Of course not. It’s impossible. Guest couples are doomed to part ways.
Examples of Separated Marriages from the World of Famous People – Learning to Maintain Relationships by Examples
In comments to the “addiction” of stars to extraterritorial marriages, psychologists note that for bohemian people this kind of marriage is sometimes the only possible one. And, oddly enough, often even happy.
Here are some of the most famous examples of guest celebrity marriages.
- Monica Bellucci and Vincent Cassel
Refusing to be “just a mistress,” the Italian marries a Frenchman after he has an accident.
Immediately after the wedding, the newlyweds leave for “their” countries: Vincent remains in France, Monica lives in England and Italy.
The happiness of a guest marriage confidently flows into the happiness of a classic marriage, as soon as a couple has a daughter, her needs turned out to be much more important than imaginary freedom.
- Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter
These spouses lived in a guest marriage for 13 years – first in neighboring countries, then in neighboring mansions connected by a common corridor.
The strongest Hollywood couple, a famous director and beloved actress by many, had a son, and 4 years later a daughter, after which they decided to finally settle down, relocating to London.
But the happiness did not last long. Burton’s betrayals and provocative pictures in the newspapers were the last reefs for the stellar married couple. Remaining friends, they agreed on joint custody of the children.
- Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vladi
It was the brightest and strongest guest marriage, about which a lot was filmed and written in the press. They lived in different countries and spoke on the phone all night long.
Sometimes one of them could not stand the separation and flew to Paris or Moscow. All vacations – only together!
12 years of love and passion – until the very death of Vysotsky.
- Lyudmila Isakovich and Valery Leontiev
Together with his bass player, Leontyev lived in a civil marriage for 20 years. Only then was the marriage legalized, and after a while it turned into a guest marriage.
Today the couple live on opposite sides of the ocean: he is in Moscow, she is in Miami. From time to time they fly to each other or meet in Spain.
The head of the family believes that feelings only grow stronger at a distance.
Of course, the most important thing is respect and trust in marriage, which, alas, not all “guest” couples manage to keep.
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