Some people think that sex on the first date is disgusting, morally unethical and will not bring anything good with it. Others, on the contrary, adhere to the position that such sex is vital in order to immediately “try” a partner.
What to expect from sex on the first date, how not to forget about protection and what to say in order to refuse unwanted “intrusion”? We will talk about all this and not only with Elena Tolkacheva.
Elena Tolkacheva is a psychologist, owner of an international dating agency, an expert of the COLADY magazine in the field of relations.
Bologny: How do you feel about sex on the first date?
Elena: I don’t belong to him (laughs). In general, this is the most burning topic that I like to discuss. And as you might guess from my first proposal, I am not a supporter of such a “non-childish adventure”.
In my practice, this was not the case for many reasons. Well, this is a purely personal matter for everyone, and if you really want to, then why not. The main thing is to protect yourself.
Bologny: Well, then just about protection. How not to forget about safety (condoms, certificate of absence of STIs) and not destroy the “romance” of the evening?
Elena: It’s probably hard to imagine the situation: a couple were whirled in a whirlwind of passion, they undress each other with their eyes, and then not only with their eyes, all the blood in their bodies rushes to that very zone, it goes very far, and then from one of them into the address of another sounds something like “Are you sure you won’t infect me with anything?” It seems that after such a question the continuation of the “banquet” may not happen.
Of course, at such piquant moments, hardly anyone would think of asking for a certificate of the absence of sexually transmitted infections. In principle, many do not ask her, entering into new sexual intercourse. However, your health is more important than your constraints. Therefore, even with passionate sex on the first date, you just need to remember about a condom or a latex napkin.
If it stops someone: Some infections can lead to infertility.
Bologny: Do you agree with the opinion that sex on the first date can be “hooked”?
Elena: You can hook it, of course. But for what purpose?
It is better to cling on the first date with charisma, energy, female sexuality, your versatile outlook on life, mind, in the end.
The brain is the sexiest part of the female body, according to men. And, by the way, girls sometimes too.
And if you look at a serious relationship in perspective, then it’s better not to start with sex.
Bologny: What awaits a girl after having sex on a first date?
Elena: Yes, a lot of things, everything is very individual. Good or bad – depending on how she perceives it, and what she herself expects from such a date.
For example, I know the following story. Some men create chats on What’sApp or Telegram, in which, after having sex at the first meeting, they discuss their victories in bed in all colors, exchange photos of their underwear, which they took “from the chick,” audio recordings from a voice recorder with sighs at the time of piquant scenes.
This story was told to me by an acquaintance. He even showed me a similar chat. Then I felt very disgusted and offended for the girls who are naively looking for happiness with the wrong men. ⠀
Bologny: What do you think, can sex on the first date develop into a serious relationship and even a family?
Elena: In my practice, I have not come across such cases.
In general, according to statistics, 95% of casual sexual relationships are the last.
And this statistic is justified. And what else can a man study if you opened up to him like a book he read? As men say: “I’ve already tried everything there.”…
Bologny: Elena, what do you think are the pros and cons of having sex on a first date?
Elena: Of the pros, you can probably immediately check whether a partner is suitable for sexual temperament or not (after all, relationships are 80% based on sex), new pleasant sensations, orgasm, in the end (this is about pleasure, which means a plus).
Cons: you may not like your partner in the process, cause pain, cross all sorts of boundaries that no one, of course, has time to discuss before having sex on the first date.
In addition, this is about the consequences of sex on the first date – infections, lack of serious relationships (not always), male chats with “dirty” discussions of girls (which I mentioned earlier), etc.
Bologny: How to recognize a man who will definitely suggest sex at the first meeting?
Elena: In general, almost any man is always ready, he, like a guitar, does not need to be tuned. Especially those who are looking for quick and easy sex on dating sites, have taken pickup courses and, under the strict guidance of their guru-teacher, are adding to the #club100 list.
Sometimes they speak directly of their intentions or sugary hints and seduces. They have their own techniques that are not always easy to recognize.
You can notice what he is talking about: whether he touches on too intimate topics, whether he overdoes it with compliments, whether he brags about his sexual achievements, etc.
If the communication is live, see how he moves, how frank and open his poses are, whether he violates your personal space by coming too close or even touching, including intimate places.
Bologny: How can a girl competently refuse sex on a first date and not run into violence?
Elena: In general, you need to behave so that those who need fleeting sex also fleetingly slip past you. This is a whole image that needs to be worked on: clothes, makeup, posture, speech, the ability to build boundaries and behave with dignity, etc. This and much more I help to pump the brides in our dating agency.
Well, if you had to deny the annoying ladies’ man, we can say that you have critical days (even if it is not so). Although this will not stop some comrades.
And it’s better to arrange the first date in a crowded place. I think there is no need to explain why.
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