Not so long ago, on a forum, I saw the question: “Girls, do you think a father should show tenderness to his son (in the form of hugs and kisses) to his son? If so, to what age? “
There was no definite answer in the comments. Some users believe that showing tenderness to their son is not normal:
- “Well, after a year, dad definitely shouldn’t kiss the boy.”
- “My husband doesn’t kiss, my son is 5 years old. He can shake his hand or pat on the shoulder, but to kiss or hug – definitely not. “
- “If you want to raise a gay son, then, of course, let him kiss.”
Others believe that it is quite possible:
- “Let him kiss. There is nothing wrong with that. Those who were little kissed and hugged in childhood seem to grow up to be maniacs or sadists. “
- “Tenderness is never superfluous.”
- “Why can’t that? Will the child be worse off from this? “
And what is the correct answer in the end? What happens if the father hugs or kisses his son? How will this affect the child’s psyche?
2 main reasons why many consider paternal tenderness towards their son unnecessary
- Fear that the son will not grow up “a real man.” Parents are afraid that their son will grow up to be too tender or sensitive. But is it? No. Such a manifestation of love will only teach the son to show his feelings correctly, not to be “cold”, insensitive or callous. Therefore, the example of the father is very important, where the father is strong and courageous, but at the same time capable of hugging and kissing.
“My dad hugged me for the last time when I was no more than 5 years old. Once, when he met me from kindergarten, I ran up to him and wanted to hug him. And he gently stopped me and said that I was already an adult and should no longer hug him. For a long time I thought that he no longer loved me. Mom continued to hug, but dad did not. As a result, those girls with whom I met complained that physical contact from me was not enough for them (holding a hand, hugging or kissing). To be honest, I still have difficulties with this. “
- Son’s gay fear… Quite the opposite: the less the father shows tenderness to his son, the more chances that the son will be gay. If the child in childhood lacked intimacy in the relationship with his own father, then this will lead to a hidden desire to survive it in adulthood. Such cases are not uncommon. After all, it is the paternal touch that helps the boy learn to distinguish between paternal and friendly touches from sexual ones.
“My father never hugged or kissed me. He said that tenderness is not for real men. When I was 20 I had a partner. He was 12 years older than me. He treated me like a child and seemed to replace my father, with whom the relationship was always not warm enough. We talked for a year, and then I decided to go to a psychologist. We worked out my problem, and everything fell into place. Now I am married and we have a wonderful son, to whom I am trying to give what my dad could not give me ”.
Love and affection are the key to the harmonious development of a child
Usually, by the age of 10-12, children themselves already leave such manifestations of love and become more restrained, allowing themselves to be kissed only on holidays or special occasions.
On the net you can find many photos of famous dads with their sons. For example, Ashton Kutcher with his son Dmitry or Chris Pratt and his son Jack. They are not at all shy about hugging their children.
Unfortunately, nowadays many fathers do not spend as much time with their sons as they would like. Therefore, it is extremely important that dad can give the boy everything he needs. And love, tenderness and affection as well. This is very important for the harmonious development of the child and for strengthening the relationship between father and son.
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