The best motivator for a child to do something and achieve something is parental pride. But not all parents know how to use it correctly. Listen to one phrase that will forever change the way you think about parenting. “Do you think it’s easier to do something in order to gain parental pride, or to do something just because your parents are so proud of you.” (Yaroslav Cheryshev. Director of the children’s camp, works with children for 10 years).
“Hello! I have such a problem: my daughter abandons any business that she starts, at the first difficulties. I started to collect puzzles, but when I got a difficult “piece” I immediately put everything back in the box. Likewise, she gave up playing the flute and dancing. And so in almost everything where she starts to get bad at it. Although I tell her: “You will succeed, you just try.” What am I doing wrong?”
I think this situation is familiar to most parents. In fact, a lot of children drop everything at the first difficulty. But why is it so? Why is it so difficult for children to make the effort to be successful in school or elsewhere? What are they missing?
3 types of motivation for a child
Children lack motivation. Motivation is an impulse that makes a person do something. For a child, motivation is primarily divided into positive (praise, support, good grades) and negative (bad grades, criticism, punishment). Negative motivation, in most cases, negatively affects the child. He loses interest in doing anything at all. Positive motivation, on the other hand, can “inspire” a child to take action.
As a positive motivation, parents mainly use:
- Praise and words of support: “At some point, we noticed that my son was getting worse at school. And the more we focused his attention on this, the worse his academic performance was. Then we decided to “change tactics.” They began to focus on the positive aspects. We began to say: “You are so great at it!” or “Mom and I are so glad you’re getting better at school.” And it worked! It became much more interesting for my son to study and he got better at it. “
- Material motivation: “It was impossible to force our children to put their things, books and toys into place. And persuading them to do something around the house – it was a disaster. As a result, we decided to give them pebbles for each help around the house, for the removed things and toys, which they should put in a jar. At the end of the month, they can exchange these stones for a toy or something else. “
- Satisfying any desires of the child: “We have a rule at home – if children want to play on the computer or watch TV, then only if they have cleared up after themselves from the table and their things are not scattered around the apartment.”
Which of these methods would be the best option for your child?
Praise from parents, their words of support and understanding… This is what gives the child positive emotions, the realization that he is doing the right thing, helps to become more self-confident. For example, a child helped wash the dishes. His parents praised him. The child received positive emotions and is even ready to wash the dishes again. And the same is the case with studies. If you praise your child that he wrote an essay so well, then he will have an incentive to write even better next time.
How to praise your child correctly
Every child should hear seven things: I love you; I’m proud of you; sorry; I forgive you; I’m listening to; it is your responsibility; you have what it takes to be successful. (Sherri Campbell)
- Praise sincerely… It is impossible for a child to hear the words “I’m so proud of you,” but see disappointment in your eyes. If you are praising and proud of your child, then say it sincerely. The emotions that you put into praise are very important for the child.
- Praise the child’s actions… This is necessary so that the child does not have an association: “I was praised today – I am good, and if not, I am bad.” Use phrases: “you recited the poem very well”, “we are proud that you were able to finish the school year well.”
- Don’t use general phrases: “You are great”, “You did well.” These words usually sound in passing.
- Don’t overdo it with praise… Praise your child for where he put in the effort or where he really needs it.
- Do not compliment by comparing to his or her other actions or to someone else.… Phrases: “You draw so well! Much better than singing “,” You dance so beautifully! Much better than Masha “
- Praise emotionally… Add gestures and facial expressions.
- Praise not only the result, but the process itself: “You drew a very beautiful drawing! I saw how you tried! “
- If something is given to the child with great difficulty, then praise for the process, without waiting for the result.… For example, a child removes toys, but has completely lost interest, you can say to him: “You have already removed so much! You are good at it! “
- The wording “you” / “I”. Formulations: “You painted beautifully”, “You told the poem perfectly” – the child perceives that he is a great fellow. This raises his self-esteem. The phrases: “I am proud of how you performed”, “I am so glad that you did it” are of the greatest value to the child.
What are the best words to use for praise?
- “I had no doubt that you can handle it!”
- “I am proud that you succeeded!”
- “It’s so cool that you managed to do it!”
- “I couldn’t have done it better myself!”
- “Teach me to do the same!”
- “You can be proud of yourself!”
- “You do it even better than before!”
But remember that a child is not a robot. Don’t expect him to be perfect or to do exactly the way you wanted him to. In any case, praise will cheer up the child and inspire him to new achievements!
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