The relationship between children and parents is the foundation of a child’s future life. A lot depends in the future of children on what kind of relationships exist in the family, and how successful they are. Psychologists identify 4 main types of relationships between adults and children, reflecting the main situations in the family.
So, what types of relationships between adults and children are there in families in general, and what type of relationships has developed in your family?
4 styles of parenting behavior – commentary by psycho-practitioner and coach Lilia Voskresenskaya
Not so long ago, the child was perceived as an “object” of upbringing, very few people worried about his opinion, and the main requirement was “to be comfortable and obey adults.” The result was a whole generation of squeezed, insecure people who at 25, 30 and 40 continue to seek permission for their actions, are afraid to act and openly express their opinions.
Unfortunately, many continue to educate children according to the model they saw in childhood, without subjecting it to critical thinking.
How is it possible?
Basically in psychology, there are four main types of relationships between adults and children, or in other words, four styles of parenting:
At authoritative style upbringing, parents occupy a dominant position, control the child quite strongly, but at the same time treat him with respect and perceive him as a full-fledged independent person. Parents try to logically explain their actions without the use of physical punishment, and the child is assigned an active role in the family system with its own duties and responsibilities.
Authoritarian style can be characterized by the phrase “I am a parent, then I am right.” The opinion of the child is not interested in adults, personal space is violated, there is no place for initiative, conflicts are resolved using the “carrot and stick” method. It is not difficult to see the consequences of this style of interaction in adolescence, when parental threats stop working and other mechanisms of interaction are not built. Contact is very likely to be lost.
Indifferent parental style perhaps the most unfavorable for the child. They simply do not notice him, do not control him and do not give him “warmth”. The child, as it were, interferes with the parents in their life and feels superfluous and unnecessary.
Liberal style on the part of adults implies non-interference in the life of the child and his decisions, a low degree of control. On the one hand, this behavior is dictated by the desire to develop the child’s freedom in decision-making and independence. But it is important to understand that at different ages a child has limited opportunities to assess the situation, make decisions and bear responsibility for them, and he needs the help of an adult.
See also: Types of families in Russia today – determine the type of your family!
Psychologists and teachers of COLADY told in more detail about the styles of raising children.
- The liberal type of relationship between adults and children is inherent in the most democratic families
This type of relationship is based on the fact that parents are authority, but they listen to the opinion of their children and take it into account. In a family where a liberal type of communication prevails, the child observes discipline and certain rules, but at the same time he knows that his parents will always listen to him and support him.
Children who grew up in such a family are usually very sympathetic, know how to control themselves, are independent, confident in themselves.
This type of communication in the family is considered very effective, as it helps not to lose contact with the child.
- Indifferent parenting style is the most anarchist
In a family where the permissive style of communication reigns, anarchy most often flourishes, since the child is given too much freedom. The child becomes a dictator for his own parents and does not take anyone in his family seriously. Parents in such families most often pamper their children and allow them more than the rest of the children allow.
The first consequences of such communication in the family will begin immediately after the child goes to the garden. There are clear rules in kindergartens, and children in such families are not used to any rules at all.
The older the child grows up in a “permissive family”, the more problems there will be. Such children are not used to restrictions and believe that they can do whatever they want.
If a parent wants to maintain a normal relationship with such a child, then boundaries should be set for the child and forced to comply with the rules of conduct. You can’t start scolding a child when you are already tired of his disobedience. It is best to do this when you are calm and able to explain everything without unnecessary emotions – this will help the child understand what exactly you expect from him.
- The authoritarian type of relationship between adults and children in the family is based on rigid submission and violence
This type of relationship implies that parents expect too much from their babies. Children in such a family usually have extremely low self-esteem, sometimes they have complexes about their skills, their appearance. Parents in such families behave very freely and are completely confident in their authority. They believe that children should completely obey them. Moreover, quite often it happens that the parent cannot even explain his requirements, but simply presses on the child with his authority. See also: The negative consequences of family conflicts for the child.
For offenses and non-observance of the rules, the child is severely punished. Sometimes they punish for no reason – simply because the parent is not in the mood. Authoritative parents do not show feelings for their child, so very often children begin to doubt whether they love him at all. Such parents do not give the child the right to choose (very often even a job and a spouse are the parents’ choice). The children of reputable parents are used to obeying unquestioningly, therefore it is quite difficult for them at school and at work – they do not like weak people in teams.
These types of relationships are rarely found in their pure form. More often than not, families combine several communication styles. The father can be authoritarian, and the mother adheres to “democracy” and freedom of choice.
Also read: 10 Best Ways to Improve and Strengthen Father-Child Relationships.
In any case, children absorb all the “fruits” of communication and education – and parents should always remember this.
What type of relationship between adults and children has developed in your family and how do you solve problems? We would be grateful for your feedback!
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