Starting to write this article, I read a lot of publications, digested the information posted on the Internet, but still remained unconvinced. No matter how psychologists persuade us, you forgive me – nothing good can be found in the image of Cinderella?
In my opinion, we are all under the obvious influence of our brave psychologists, and the very phrase “Cinderella complex” initially creates a negative image.
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Cinderella complex – do you have it
I strongly disagree with this. No, that such a complex exists – there is no doubt. But why so categorically?
The impression is that everything must be done so that the girl meets the standards of modern life and a modern woman. Have you decided to leave a small percentage of Cinderellas on the sidelines and turn them into a product of psychological research?
And these are the usual cute Cinderellas of our time – and, by the way, they live among us. It’s hard for them, they are becoming less and less, I agree. But they do exist! Probably, sometimes they go to the Internet – and, having read all the articles concerning modern Cinderellas, shedding tears, they are quietly sad.
But what is such a tin, why should we listen to psychologists, and not the opinion of the Cinderellas themselves? Ashamed, gentlemen, give them a little attention!
I am not a psychologist, not a psychotherapist, I am an ordinary man in the street with a grain of brains in my head, asking myself a question – why is a certain stereotype of Cinderella imposed on me (it is clear that not only him, but many, many others).
Let’s figure it out: consider the so-called official version, and try to refute any argument of a psychologist or other individual writing on this topic.
The Tale of Cinderella – is everything as it seems at first glance?
Psychologists call the Cinderella complex a certain female behavior, which consists in complete submission and spinelessness.
The main signs of this behavior are considered:
- Striving to please everyone and everything.
- Inability to take responsibility.
- Dreams of a wonderful companion who can make her life happy.
Of course, the fabulous beauty possesses these character traits, resignedly enduring the humiliation that she is subjected to in the family.
Personally, I am not surprised by the attitude of the stepmother to the stepdaughter, this is not so rare – not only in fairy tales, but also in everyday life.
Cinderella’s father surprises, that’s exactly what he should be considered as a completely spineless person. He cannot protect his beloved daughter from the claims of the evil stepmother and her daughters.
Why? Don’t you think that the Cinderella complex is more inherent in him, and not in Cinderella? What can she do if there is no defender? How to build family relationships?
Note that in the fairy kingdom there is hardly a Ministry of Guardianship and Guardianship, which could stand up for the girl. Having lost her mother, she was completely lost. Father, as we found out, took not just a neutral, but a defeatist position, which provoked Cinderella’s behavior. The stepmother took the position that she was allowed to take – and she perfectly used this, exploiting her stepdaughter to the fullest.
Isn’t this a standard situation? Don’t we often take advantage of this situation? We are allowed – we use.
Cinderella was forced to adapt to the circumstances, eventually turning into a servant in her own house. Not finding support in her beloved father, of course, she looks for it in someone else. There is nothing surprising in this.
Why not a prince and a fairy godmother? Don’t modern young ladies dream of the same thing? Quite a common phenomenon.
And not only girls with a Cinderella complex dream about this, but also quite self-sufficient young ladies. So the argument that it is Cinderella’s inherent dreams of a prince, in my opinion, are groundless.
As for the very acquaintance with the Prince – and this happens. And let the fairy godmother help Cinderella – this is a secondary question. And in modern life, someone often introduces us to their chosen one, and there is nothing shameful in this. The acquaintance took place, the beautiful, sweet Cinderella managed to charm the Prince. Of course, because in the royal environment, women of this type are rarely found – loyal, caring and submissive.
Of course, the girl’s escape – I agree with psychologists here – had a certain effect on the Chosen One. The disappearing Cinderella piqued the Prince’s interest. He was intrigued, fascinated and discouraged. And no matter what caused the escape, the main thing is that the goal was achieved.
The reasoning that if the lovers got married, then after some time the Prince would have left his Cinderella, also seem absolutely groundless. No one can know how their married life would have turned out.
Maybe the husband would be absolutely happy in a quiet, calm relationship? What makes you think that he would get bored soon? And who can guarantee that by taking as his wife a young lady with her own opinion, who knows how to stand up for herself, he would be happier than with his Cinderella?
I think no one has an answer to this question. There are many men who dream of such a devoted, caring wife.
Fairy tale and reality – why modern Cinderellas should still dream of princes
In many articles, the heroine is credited with hidden narcissism, which she cultivates by sacrificing herself. She, they say, feels superior to others, but does not show it, carefully hiding her thoughts. It does not reveal itself to people, does not express any hidden desires, as if protecting itself from others, creating a protective shell.
Personally, I did not see any self-admiration in Cinderella – but maybe I just did not consider this character trait.
Of course, Cinderella’s life and behavior are too sacrificial, and she needs to think less about those around her, and more about herself, her beloved. But a person has the right to decide for himself how to live – and if he is comfortable in a state of sacrifice, then why not?
And again, she is not credited with love for the prince, but a desire for power and comfort associated with a desire to avenge her humiliations. Becoming the wife of the Prince, Cinderella gets gorgeous leverage on her offenders – and this is exactly what she needs.
Again, I did not see anything in Cinderella’s behavior that would indicate this fact.
In general, in my opinion, the reasoning about the Cinderella complex is too categorical, and not as definite as psychologists say. Dear young ladies, if it is convenient for you to live like our heroine, then you should not break yourself – live as you feel comfortable and dream of a Prince on a white horse! Nothing wrong with that.
If you really want to find yourself, increase your self-esteem, then, of course, think about your life and change it. Try to love yourself, do not let others exploit you, learn self-respect and understanding of your Self.
If you cannot cope with this problem on your own, it makes sense to contact a psychologist who will help you get out of the zone of dreams and return to real life. You need to rely, first of all, on yourself, and only then – on others, whoever it may be, even the Prince himself.
Let’s be honest with each other – it is unlikely that each of us will get the Prince. Therefore, try to still rely on yourself.
Although, if you are a real Cinderella, I want to wish you both a real chosen one and real happiness! After all, sacrifice is not the worst feeling in a relationship, and I’m sure there will be thousands of men who are able to appreciate your sacrifices.
Good luck, lovely Cinderella!
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