Oh, those dating sites! Millions of users, photos, nicknames, goals … Your head is spinning! Sometimes it seems “I will not meet anyone here” and these thoughts are supported by completely different messages and not from those men who are of interest to you.
- Why are they writing THIS to me?
- Why are they writing to me the wrong ones?
- Why doesn’t anyone write to me at all?
But in the modern world with its frantic pace of life, the Internet is one of the most popular, if not the main, places for romantic acquaintances.
How to stand out from millions of profiles and photographs, how to attract men who are interesting to you, and initially not to attract those who want to say “Walk, Vasya”?
By Julia Lanske – an expert in building relationships, love-coach number 1 in the world according to the international iDate Awards 2019 and a woman who met her future husband on a dating site and has been happily married for 11 years.
A dating site is a kind of Ford Boyard. Remember this transfer? There are levels, tasks, quests that must be completed in order to get to the result. The only difference is that you go through each level on your own and you don’t have a support team behind you.
What levels will you have to go through:
- Site selection.
- Creating a questionnaire is one of the most important stages, which can be divided into several steps:
- Selection of photographs.
- Filling in a free field (any welcome text that you want to post about yourself).
- Filling in the required fields (gender, age, geography, job, etc.).
- Selection of candidates from your side (for example, swipe to the right of those you like, and to the left of those who did not catch your attention).
- Communication and correspondence.
Of course, everything does not end with online communication, because then you do not build a relationship with a computer, but with a man, but now this is not about that. Which of the levels do you think is fundamentally important when looking for a life partner?
3 failing scenarios or where can you screw up?
Most women believe that the most important level is site selection, but I will dispel this myth – there are no successful and unsuccessful sites, because it is impossible to say in advance what will “shoot” you, and, therefore, you need to choose your pool of sites exclusively empirically. Yes, you are right, there should be more than one site.
So, the most important step is photography.that you post on a dating site, because it is for them that the male gaze clings and it is they who stop the man from flipping through the profiles.
Your photographs encourage a man to write to you, make him want to know, reveal, study you.
Now let’s go back to three possible, albeit negative, scenarios for the development of events on a dating site.
At the beginning of the article, we identified them:
- Not those who would like to see are writing.
- They do not write what they would like to read.
- They don’t write at all.
Oddly enough, the main reason for all these negative scenarios is precisely the wrong photos that a woman posts in her profile.
Scenario and possible errors
Scenario “Not those who would like to see write”
- professional studio photos (too licked, unnatural, a lot of photoshop);
- photographs from the category “Woman-showcase” (furs, hats, 100,500 jewelry, that is, all at once for show, shocking);
- travel photos.
Scenario “They write not what they would like to read”
- too sexy, even vulgar and vulgar photos (for example, in underwear, a swimsuit, very tight and / or short clothes);
- photos from parties, with glasses, with alcohol;
- photos that give an unnecessary message (for example, photos in bed)
- photos with toys, flowers, hugging animals, etc.
Scenario “They don’t write at all”
- photos of the same type;
- unsuccessful photos (ugly and unsuitable poses, unfavorable angles);
- photos from parties, with relatives, with other people;
- low-contrast photos;
- very few photos;
- photographs in outerwear (for example, in a down jacket that hides the figure);
- official photographs (business attire, laptop, phone, documents, office, etc.);
- photographs convey a lack of energy (leaning against a birch, hugging an oak, collapsed in a chair)
But it should be borne in mind that in each of the scenarios there are repeated errors, but in each they can be revealed in different ways.
- If men are looking for an easy affair at night, or men who send you a photo of their “friend” from the very first message, although “serious relationship” is written in the column “purpose of acquaintance”, then your mistake is obvious – in your photos you broadcast too a lot of sexuality.
- If they write to you with an offer of a date for just one occasion or do not write at all, and your entire profile consists of professional photographs, then the reasons for this are completely different: in the first case, your photos may broadcast too much intimacy, and in the second, they look so unnatural that a man does not want to waste his time on possible deception.
There can be a great many cases in which we can consider these scenarios – try to analyze for yourself which scenario your situation belongs to. Believe me, understanding the reason is half the battle.
In the meantime, we will move on to the second half of success – which photos to upload on a dating site in order to get into the script. “Everything happens the way I want.”
Successful script or rules for photography on a dating site
Let’s get right off the bat. There are 10 groups of criteria that will help you take and post a successful photo:
- Number and format of photos.
- Interior and atmosphere.
- Body language and postures.
- Diversity and harmonious images.
- Sexuality and sensuality.
- Emotional versatility.
- Energy and confidence.
- Integrity and harmony in the photo.
- When, where and how the photos were taken.
But in this article we will analyze only 5 tips, otherwise the article would turn into a full-fledged book.
➔ Council number 1. Special portfolio
Get ready for the fact that your portfolio should contain at least 40, and preferably 80-100 photos. It doesn’t have to be selfies taken on the same day wearing two different dresses. These should be different photos – in different locations, different images, etc. On the site itself, you post 10-12 photos, and leave the rest for personal correspondence.
I will immediately respond to common female outrage “He wants pictures.” This is fine! The man will ask for your photos, because:
a) there may be fake photos in the profile;
b) he thinks that the questionnaire contains all the photoshopped and the best, and it is important for a man to understand who he will see on a date if it comes to that.
Well, the plus to all this is that with the help of your photos, sent to a man in correspondence, you can stand out among all those with whom he is currently texting (believe me, at this stage you have more than one such “beauty, sportswoman , Komsomol member “). But be careful – photos for correspondence should not be posted on your social networks, because a man likes to feel special, and therefore he wants the photos to be taken just for him alone (at least, do not stop him from thinking so).
➔ Council number 2. Don’t get carried away by photo studios
You should look in the photograph as you do in real life, but in real life do you constantly sit on a bar stool or walk with a colored umbrella? I’m already silent about the fact that very often professional photographers look at the model as an object of art, and therefore the photos come out as unnatural as possible – from the pose to the abundance of Photoshop.
Plus, in the studio it is difficult to put the right message into your photograph – most of the pictures come out cold, unnatural, they do not show the body language and grace of a woman-wife. Look at the portfolio of professional models – the message is the same, even though the girls are different and are in different locations and different looks. But it is important for a man to feel your energy, to see your confidence, harmony, sensuality, hidden sexuality, and all this is best revealed in everyday locations – cafes, parks, embankments, etc. Plus daylight adds warmth to your image, and studio light is about cold.
➔ Council number 3. Diversity rule
It is very important to be different in photographs – in different poses, images, emotions and locations. I do not urge you to travel around the globe or cry for the camera, however, interesting, successful men will not choose a woman as their companion who is wearing the same clothes in all the photos, at the same table of the same restaurant. And why? Because they have a rich, fast, vibrant life, many hobbies and hobbies, and therefore one of the criteria by which they choose a woman for themselves is her ability to be different, fast, interesting, versatile.
Imagine that photographs are the cover that beckons to you from the bookshelf.
But keep in mind that photos in outerwear, swimsuits, and even more so in underwear, immediately get into the ban. All the glasses that cover the face, hats, furs, shocking items of clothing that are rarely found in everyday life fly there.
➔ Council number 4. Send your photo
If you want to meet a high-status man with serious intentions, avoid photos with drinks, air kisses, hearts from fingers, cute cats and dogs, plush toys, and more. And why? Because, unconsciously, a man will perceive you as a rather infantile girl, capable of falling in love with him like a dog she hugs so soulfully in a photograph.
The serious man is looking for a creative woman who smiles warmly from photographs, has a sparkle in her eyes, who looks like a diamond from Cartier safes. Be that diamond! And, by the way, posting your photos with a computer, phone, documents and in an office suit on websites is also not the best option. Thus, you do not so much demonstrate your self-sufficiency as you tell the man “I’m busy, I have very little time for you.”
➔ Council number 5. Unspoken laws
And finally, let’s quickly go through the unspoken laws. Your photos should be as natural as possible, taken in daylight, with no landmarks or other people in the background. You must stand out in contrast and catch the eye, that is, we leave photographs in a white dress against a white wall for the family archive.
Do not put yourself on display in front of a man’s gaze, that is, do not show all your attractive places at once – hint, let the man turn on his fantasy and want to reveal you himself. By the way, you should also refuse portrait photos and selfies, because a man first of all evaluates your figure, and then your face. But this does not mean that we take all the photos in full growth – one or two will be enough, and the rest can be cropped to the waist, sitting, half-turned, and so on.
Are these all the photography rules for a dating site? No. I have deduced more than 100 criteria that have proven their effectiveness personally on me and on thousands of my students. Want to know even more about scoring photos and online dating?
Come to my open trainings, subscribe to blogs on social networks, and I will teach you how to meet that same man on the Internet. And you will also learn how to competently carry out correspondence, bring her out on real dates, develop relationships and, as a result, successfully, happily marry under Mendelssohn’s march.
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