Lying is never pleasant. But it’s one thing if a stranger is lying to you, whom you will never see again, and quite another if the liar is your beloved man.
How to understand the situation and to disaccustom your spouse to lie? And is the “game worth the candle”?
- First of all, you need to understand why your spouse is lying. Possible reasons – “carriage and cart”, but finding out the main one, you will understand how to deal with this scourge. Lies may turn out to be a part of a man (there are such dreamers for whom lying is an integral part of life), or he is simply afraid to be frank with you, or he answers you in kind.
- Is he only lying to you or to everyone? If only you – then the reason should be sought in your relationship. Think about whether your family has enough mutual trust – and how to restore trust in a relationship? Maybe you are not too honest with your spouse?
- Is he lying to everyone? And does not blush? It is almost impossible to re-educate a pathological liar. The only option is to find the true cause of his problem and, after having a serious conversation with her husband, make joint efforts to combat this addiction. Most likely, you will not be able to do without the help of a specialist.
- Are you putting too much pressure on your spouse? Excessive control over a man has never benefited the family boat – often wives themselves push their halves to lies. If a tired man on the way home went with a friend to a cafe and diluted a little alcohol with dinner, and his wife was already waiting for him at the front door with the traditional “Oh, you …”, then the spouse will automatically lie that he did not drink anything, that he was delayed at the meeting, or was forced to “take a sip” because “corporate ethics requires it.” It also happens when the wife is too jealous. From “step to the left – shooting” every man will howl. And it’s good if he just lies so that you don’t screw yourself up over trifles again. It’s worse if he really takes a step to the left, tired of being accused of something he’s never done. Remember: a man also needs rest and at least a little free space. How to get rid of jealousy?
- He is afraid of offending you. For example, he says that this dress suits you very much, although he thinks differently. Theatrically delighted with a new batch of knitted hares or smacking his lips too enthusiastically over a bowl of soup. If this is your case, then it makes sense to rejoice – your man loves you too much to say that hares have nowhere to fold, you have not learned how to cook, and it’s time to buy a dress a couple of sizes larger. Are you annoyed by such “sweet” lies? Just talk to your spouse. Make it clear that you are an adequate person to calmly accept constructive criticism.
- You are too critical of your spouse. Perhaps in this way he is trying to be more successful in your eyes (he slightly overestimates his own achievements). Let go of the reins. Be supportive of your loved one. Learn to accept it as fate gave it to you. Be objective and constructive in your criticism – don’t overuse it. And even more so, you shouldn’t compare your strong soulmate with more successful men.
- Lying on little things? Starting from the weight of the caught pike and ending with grandiose army fables? Never mind. Men tend to slightly exaggerate their achievements or even invent them out of the blue. Your “weapon” in this case is humor. Treat your spouse’s quirk with irony. It is unlikely that these fables interfere with your family life. Better yet, support your husband in this game of his – maybe he lacks your faith in him or a sense of your worth.
- The spouse lies all the time, and the lie is reflected in the relationship. If your half comes home after midnight with lipstick on the collar, and you are convinced that “the meeting is dragging on” (and with other serious symptoms) – it’s time to have a serious talk. Most likely, your relationship has given a deep crack, and it’s not about how to wean him from lying, but about why the family boat is sinking. By the way, the fact that the relationship has reached an impasse and love has passed can be understood by certain signs.
- Cards on the table? If a lie becomes a wedge in your relationship, then yes – you cannot pretend that you do not notice his lies. Dialogue is imperative, and without it, the situation will only get worse. If the lie is harmless and limited to the size of a pike, then arranging an interrogation with partiality and demanding sincerity “otherwise a divorce” is unproductive and pointless.
- Want to teach a lesson? Run a mirror experiment. Demonstrate to your spouse how he looks in your eyes, mirrored the same. Lie impudently and without a twinge of conscience – demonstratively, openly and on every occasion. Let him change places with you for a little while. As a rule, such a demonstrative “demarche” works better than requests and exhortations.
What is to be done in the end?
It all depends on the scale and reasons for the lie. Exaggeration and fantasies are not a reason even for frowning eyebrows (This hardly bothers you when you walked in a wedding dress to the Mendelssohn march).
But a serious lie is a reason to reconsider your relationship. Dialogue is extremely important and recommended – after all, it is quite possible that the issue of distrust, which is hidden under the daily lies, can be easily resolved.
It’s another matter if indifference hides under it. – here, as a rule, even a heart-to-heart conversation does not help.
Have you had similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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