Should a man pay for a woman and in what cases – we asked this question to experts on etiquette of the magazine COLADY.
In our time, equality between women and men is being promoted more and more. Therefore, few people are surprised by a woman leader, or a girl who first meets a young man. Nevertheless, some differences remain, and it is they that leave an imprint on the rules of etiquette. So let’s figure it out with you exactly in which cases a man is obliged to pay for his beautiful companion.
First date: who pays – woman or man?
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So who should pay on the first date: HE or SHE?
Oddly enough, most modern girls believe that a man is obliged to pay for them always and everywhere, because he should be happy that he spent time in their company. And the most interesting thing is that most of the stronger sex agree with this. They think that by paying the bill for their companion, they acquire some rights to the girl. And in a fit of gratitude, she will not refuse to continue this beautiful evening until the morning.
But when a girl says a polite, but firm “no”, the young man feels cheated, because he spent so much effort and even made financial investments. It is after such situations that the girls begin to be called “dynamo”, or they are accused of being interested only in money. Therefore, it is not surprising that feminists offer women to pay their bills on their own in order to avoid such troubles in the future.
Men in Russia are very wary of manifestations of feminism. In order not to offend the feelings of the fan and at the same time preserve their own freedom, on the first date, it is advisable to adhere to the traditional norm of etiquette: a woman should not accept expensive gifts from a fan, and force him to serious material costs.
If the girl wants to pay for her dinner on her own, you need to ask the waiter to issue two invoices during the order.
Commentary by expert on practical etiquette Tatiana Baranova
Today, in an age of active rise in feminist sentiments, it is not entirely correct to say that a man pays for everything in a relationship.
For example, on a first date in our culture, it is customary to expect a man to pay for dinner at a restaurant, a taxi for a lady, and other related expenses. And if the girl was not very happy with her acquaintance with a potential gentleman and wants to leave as soon as possible? In this situation, many ladies decide that it is easier to pay their half of the bill on their own, not to depend on anyone and retire with a clear conscience. This, of course, is not necessary: after all, many men themselves express a desire to bear all the costs, even if the meeting was not entirely successful. But, on the part of a woman, such a gesture is a demonstration of unwillingness to have anything in common in the future. Or if a woman wants to immediately show a man her independence and desire to communicate on equal terms, without dividing gender roles and stereotypes, then the offer to pay the bill in half will also help to show the seriousness of intentions in this regard.
Sometimes women worry that the gentleman does not give gifts, while others worry that the gifts from the man are so expensive that the lady in this situation begins to feel obligated. Both are not ideal. What is important to remember: a gift is an impulse, a desire to please a loved one. Gifts should be pleasing, with their help you should not manipulate a person. If a man gives gifts of objectively high value, and the girl is not even sure whether it is worth continuing the relationship with this person, then in order to avoid misunderstandings later, you can always say so: “Thank you very much for such a valuable gift, but I just cannot accept it – it is very expensive and I feel obligated. We know too little and I am not comfortable in this situation. “
That is, to focus not on the fact that the man did something wrong, but on the fact that the girl is uncomfortable leaving a gift for herself at this early stage of the relationship. As a rule, such a correct refusal is accepted calmly and with understanding. And it often makes a man think about whether he is in a hurry, maybe the girl should be treated more sensitively, add more romance and beautiful courtship to the relationship. The value of such relationships can be many times higher than those that can be “bought” with an expensive gift at a time.
Hinting that a girl is expecting gifts in a situation where the man continues to be inactive is not very elegant. It is better for a lady to say openly that she loves surprises and gifts, because for her this is a sign of attention and care from a companion. And also do not show disappointment when the gift does not meet expectations: after all, the man wanted so much to please his chosen one.
Any gift (if it is not offensive or compromising) is gratefully accepted. This is a good form. In addition, it is much more pleasant for a man to make surprises and give gifts when he sees that it gives pleasure – he will try again and again to please his beloved and enjoy the moment himself.
The financial expenses of a long-established couple
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In Russian society, it is customary to pay whoever invites you to a restaurant. Of course, there are women who, even in their thoughts, have no intention of paying for their dinner, even if they were the initiators of the meeting. But even if a girl tries to pay the bill on her own, a well-mannered man will not allow her to do this.
However, such costs as excursions, tourist trips, various souvenirs are better to distribute. After all, complete financial dependence has quite a few disadvantages. Sooner or later, the material issue will come up and become another reason for reproaches and disrespect for a less wealthy partner.
Business Meeting – Who Should Pay For Dinner?
Unfortunately, in our country, many do not understand the difference between secular and business etiquette, which are based on different principles. In secular etiquette, a lady has a special priority, they show respect to her, worship her beauty and take care of her. But in business etiquette, the head is a special priority, and colleagues are equal to each other.
Therefore, if a man and a woman meet for a business dinner, the party that invited usually pays. Or you can ask the waiter to bring separate bills. However, quite often there are situations when a lady invited her male colleague to dinner, adhering to business etiquette, wants to pay the bill, her colleague does not allow her to do this.
To prevent this embarrassing situation, when making an appointment, emphasize that you are the one inviting. If that wasn’t enough, tell them that your colleague will pay for the balance at the next meeting. No matter how the situation develops, in the presence of the waiter, you should not start a dispute and find out who will pay for the dinner.
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