Who should be the head of the family: man or woman?

In our time, the concept of “head of the family” is gradually lost in a series of changes in modern life. And the very term “family” now has its own meaning for everyone. But the head of the family determines the family order, without which a calm and stable coexistence is impossible.

Who should be the head of the family: a man or a woman? Social psychologist COLADY is ready to answer.

Who should be the head of the family: man or woman?  Psychologist's opinion
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  • A family is two (or more) people linked by common goals. And a necessary condition for the implementation of these goals is a clear division of responsibilities and roles (as in the old joke, where the spouse is the president, the spouse is the minister of finance, and the children are the people). And for order in the “country” you need observe laws and subordination, as well as competently distribute responsibilities in the family… In the absence of a leader in the “country”, riots and pulling the blanket over each other begin, and if the finance minister instead of the president takes the helm, then the laws that have been in force for a long time are replaced by ill-conceived reforms that will one day lead to the collapse of the “country.”
    That is, the president should remain the president, the minister – the minister.
  • Abnormal situations are always resolved by the head of the family (if you do not take into account the peeling paint on the windowsill and even a torn off tap). And you simply cannot do without a leader in solving some difficult issues. A woman, as a being in fact weaker, can not solve all issues on her own. If she also takes over this area of ​​family life, then the role of a man in the family is automatically diminished, which does not benefit his pride and the family atmosphere.
  • Submitting a Wife to Her Husband is the Law, on which the family has been kept since ancient times. A husband cannot feel like a full-fledged man if the spouse makes himself the head of the family. Usually, the marriage of a “spineless” and a strong woman-leader is doomed. And the man himself intuitively (as intended by nature) is looking for a wife who is ready to accept the traditional position of “the husband in the family is in charge”.
  • The family leader is the captainwho leads the family frigate on the right course, knows how to avoid reefs, and takes care of the safety of the entire crew. And even if the frigate, under the influence of certain factors, suddenly goes off course, it is the captain who takes him to the desired pier. A woman (again, by nature) is not given such qualities as ensuring safety, the ability to make the right decisions in emergency situations, etc. Her task is to maintain peace and comfort in the family, raising children and creating an environment for your spouse that will help him become the perfect captain. Of course, modern life and some circumstances force women to become captains themselves, but such a position does not bring happiness to the family. There are two options for the development of such a relationship: the steering wife is forced to put up with the weakness of her husband and drag him on her, which is why she eventually gets tired and begins to look for a man with whom she can be weak. Or the wife-helmsman carries out a “raider seizure”, as a result of which the husband gradually loses his leadership positions and leaves the family, in which his manhood is belittled.
  • A fifty / fifty relationship where responsibilities are shared equally with leadership – one of the fashion trends of our time. Equality, a certain freedom and other modern “postulates” make adjustments to the cells of society, which also do not end with a “happy ending”. Because in fact there can be no equality in the family – there will always be a leader… And the illusion of equality sooner or later leads to a serious eruption of the family Fujiyama, which will result in a return to the traditional scheme “husband – head of the family”, or to a final breakup. A ship cannot be operated by two captains, a company by two directors. Responsibility is borne by one person, the second supports the decisions of the leader, is next to him as his right hand and is a reliable rear. Two captains cannot steer in the same direction – such a ship is doomed to become the Titanic.
  • Woman as a wise creature, is able to create such a microclimate in the family that will help reveal the inner potential of a man. The main thing is to become exactly the “co-pilot” that supports you in emergency situations, and does not pull out the steering wheel shouting “I’ll drive, you’re driving the wrong way again!”. A man needs to be trusted, even if his decisions, at first glance, seem to be wrong. Stopping a galloping horse or flying into a burning hut is very modern. A woman wants to be irreplaceable, strong, able to solve any problem.… But then it makes sense to complain and suffer – “he wipes his pants on the couch while I plow at three jobs” or “How do you want to be weak and not pull everything on yourself!”?

The head of the family (from time immemorial) is a man. But the wife’s wisdom lies in the ability to influence his decisions according to the “he is the head, she is the neck” scheme. A smart wife, even if she knows how to handle a drill and earn three times more than her husband, will never show it. because a weak woman a man is ready to protect, protect and pick up in his armsif it “falls”. And next to a strong woman, it is very difficult to feel like a real man – she provides herself, she does not need to feel sorry for her, she herself changes the pierced wheel and does not cook dinner, because she has no time. The man has no opportunity to show his masculinity. And to become the head of such a family means to recognize oneself as spineless.

Commentary by social psychologist Alena Dubinets

Alena Dubinets

The issue of family leadership is complex and simple at the same time. It is difficult to say how it is 100% correct – to give the reins of power to a man or a woman. I will say this: the issue of assignment of responsibilities and leadership is a matter of agreement.

Traditionally, a man should be the head of the family. But modern realities do not agree with this. More and more families are formed on matriarchal foundations. This has both pros and cons.

My opinion is this: the leader in the family should be someone who has the makings of an organizer. This should be a responsible person who analyzes reality well and is able to find a way out of different situations.

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