Often, what people usually call love, in fact, can only turn out to be its double – love addiction, which is an insidious deception of the senses that makes a person suffer and suffer. True love does not bother with concern, does not require reciprocal feelings and does not generate resentment, in love it is good for partners – both together and separately. In false love – good together, but bad apart, and then it becomes unbearable together – and terribly apart.
How to understand that you have a love addiction? The COLADY psychologist will tell you everything you need to know about this phenomenon and teach you how not to fall into the illusion of love.
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See Also: Get Rid Of Unrequited Love In Just 12 Steps!
Reasons for love addiction
Women are more subject to this feeling, because they are more emotional and are able to surrender to feelings completely.
Statistics show that most often women who have an inflexible psyche, who do not accept compromises – such solid marble persons, suffer from addiction. They often do not have love relationships, due to the fact that they do not know how to establish them.
- Low self-esteem
Such people become addicted to the role of victim or subordinate. Pleasing their idol, they think that nothing better exists in the world.
Young gentle creatures for the first time meet this strong but false feeling. They don’t know what to do next, except to go with the flow. They do not yet realize that there are other types of relationships.
- Psychological inferiority
Often, two personalities become dependent on each other when they use the part they need in a partner. For example, the courage of one and the cunning of the other. And together they are one perfect person. Then these two become like Siamese twins. They cannot even think of themselves as independent from each other.
- Lack of attention in childhood, lack of communication, indifference on the part of parents
People who are traumatized at a tender age will be at risk for the rest of their lives.
- Fear of loneliness, fear of rejection
- Personal immaturity, inability to make decisions
The person is simply not ready for a mature relationship.
The psychological reasons for the development of love addiction were named by the family coach, positive psychologist Daria Sytova-Goranskaya
Since childhood, you constantly doubt whether you are loved “for you”? Does it seem that mom would have chosen another child? The only way to ensure her presence is to tie yourself to her with a rope? Hello addicted relationship, stalking and self-flagellation. As taught – so we do!
Oh, this excruciating swing. You are only happy when your partner is around, you are always afraid that he might find someone better and leave you. Prioritize his life, needs, and requests. Is always. And you think that this is insane, inimitable LOVE.
I have one subscriber who complains with enviable regularity that her partner stops responding or arrives less often. She panics like hell and writes me kilometer messages: “What did I do wrong? He doesn’t want to live with me anymore“. The first two times we analyzed the situation, talked over the reasons for his “cooling”, rehearsed the conversation. But the situation repeats itself over and over again. And this is not love, this is love addiction.
If I could offer a simple and effective instruction on how to get rid of this plague … But, alas, working with addictions is the most difficult type of therapy. Whatever the client depends on: alcohol, drugs, another person.
But there is something you can do right now. Realize that there is addiction. More often this ailment occurs in women, and it is he who forces one to enter into relationships with manipulators and abuser.
So, if in your relationship you are constantly afraid of losing ground from under your feet, constantly doubting that you are worthy of your partner’s love and do not know how to be autonomously happy, this is a reason to dig deeper.
If the diagnosis is made, the relationship must be terminated. And after that, the most difficult stage will come – to change the pattern and not slide back. When the need for security is met only in this way, it is very difficult to believe that true love and trust looks different.
Can addicted relationships be cured? It’s not an easy question. But definitely worth a try. Set a clear goal and find competent help. After all, there will be no second life.
See also: How to survive parting with a loved one?
Symptoms of love addiction – how is love different from addiction?
Unlike drug and alcohol addiction, this ailment has no clear symptoms. But, despite this, it is still possible to diagnose false love.
- The main feature is loss of self-esteem, including jealousy.
- Loss of interests or complete dissolution in a partner. The head is occupied only with thoughts about the object of its adoration, which one wants to constantly please, please, take care of it. Such impulses differ from love in that no one asks the opinion of a loved one. They decide for him that he will be better.
- Nervous tension. The addicted person is distinguished by depression, nervousness, even hysteria if quarrels occur.
- A person does not see a real relationship to him. He idealizes his partner, ascribes bright feelings to him and beneficially transforms unworthy actions. There is no adequate perception. This is blind love.
How to get rid of love addiction and find happiness – says psychologist Polina Zolotinskaya
Let’s go from the opposite. Healthy love relationships do not require complete dissolution in each other. You feel good with a person, but even without him life does not lose its color.
Psychological symptoms of love addiction:
- That it is hard for you, “stuffy” with your partner, but when you leave, you become completely unhappy – this is the main alarm bell. As the people say: it is close together, discord is boring.
- You often or always take the blame for conflicts, discontent in a couple on yourself.
- You initially think about what he will say, how he will react, how your partner will feel. To the detriment of oneself, and the Normality of a person – first of all, come from oneself and one’s feelings. You forget to ask yourself what you yourself feel, think, want.
- Manipulation is a faithful companion of addictive relationships. Moreover, on both sides !!! A woman often manipulates her health, tears. A man is usually money. The question of leaving is often raised. Demonstrative collection of things, the intensity of passions and 99% without the ending (the very leaving).
- Increased and unreasonable jealousy.
- Drama at every separation.
- Loss of interest in life, friends, work. Everything converges only at one point – a relationship with a partner.
Statistics are unforgiving things: every 4 woman in our country is in love addiction, with men a little better. Every seventh. But if you translate that into numbers – there are millions of people!
How to get rid of love addiction
- Ask yourself: what do I want? And we are writing a list. Where there are at least 20 points of desires for yourself!
- Seek support from those closest to you: family and friends. Supporting people will diversify your life.
- Obligatory awareness that only you are responsible for your life. That no one makes a decision for you. Shouldn’t take.
- Spiritual fulfillment is obligatory. Expand your horizons, learn something new every 4 months. It can be knitting, cooking, and running technique.
- Publicly useful activity. In fact, it is not a financially costly part at all. Take over the supervision of a homeless animal receiver. Just come for a walk with the pets. It’s a good thing and giving satisfaction and awareness of its global usefulness.
- Working out the concepts: I, You, We. Each has its own advantages. Where we are, it is happy, but where only I am, it is good, interesting, calm.
The reasons for addiction tendencies usually lie in childhood trauma. And if you notice that in building relationships with the opposite sex you are playing the same painful scenario – solve the issue globally, contact a specialist.
What absolutely should not be done when dealing with love addiction
There is no universal remedy in the fight against false love, because every person is different. This condition makes help of an experienced psychologist especially valuable in getting rid of the spell of the false double of love.
- Silencing grief with alcohol, drugs, extreme sensations – they only mask the problem.
- Read correspondence with an object of love addiction.
- Discuss grief with friends. They are unlikely to be able to help, but they can aggravate the mental anguish with the wrong advice and the transmission of your conversation in a distorted form.
- Seek meetings with a former love.
- Compare your past partner with others.
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