Family responsibilities are a topic that is a source of conflict for most married couples. Who should provide financial support for the family, and who should babysit the children? How to properly distribute responsibilities in the family and at the same time maintain happiness? What are the main responsibilities of a husband and wife in the family? Certified psychologists and psychotherapists provide answers to these and other questions.
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How should the distribution of responsibilities in the family take place?
Home life is a serious thing, and if you do not want to become a hostage to him, you need to develop the right approach to it. So that your spouse does not look at you with surprised eyes when you ask him to vacuum the house or wash the dishes, you must immediately properly distribute household chores…
You need to start with a complete understanding of what responsibilities are implied by living together. This is, of course, first of all – cleaning, cooking, washing, minor repairs. Many believe that the husband’s responsibilities in the family include only male work with a physical application of strength (hammering nails, making repairs, carrying heavy loads), and the wife’s duties include work that has been considered female since the time of house building (cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc. etc.).
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But still, do not forget that each person still has his own concept of women’s and men’s work. Therefore, quite often there are misunderstandings, frictions and even conflicts in the family regarding this issue.
How to properly distribute responsibilities between spouses – say psychologists
In fact, it is not that difficult.
- Cooking food – the most time consuming and responsible duty. After all, you need to cook often, and it is desirable that the food is tasty. If both spouses know how to cook and love to do it, then it is best to distribute this responsibility equally. Unfortunately, this option is not suitable for everyone, since one of the spouses may work longer than the other. Then you can find another way out, for example, on weekdays, the one who comes first cooks, and on weekends, the other of the spouses.
- Cleaning – an important part of household chores. Let’s immediately define what is meant by the word cleaning: dust off, collect things, vacuum, wash the floor, take out the trash. It is best to distribute these responsibilities equally between spouses. For example, a husband can vacuum and take out the trash, and a wife can dust and do wet cleaning, or vice versa. If the family already has children, they should also be involved in household chores. In this way, they will also become accustomed to certain responsibilities. However, during the distribution of responsibilities, it is necessary to take into account the capabilities of each of the family members.
- Dishwashing – also quite an important stage in family relationships. Everything here is quite simple, the dishes can be washed either in the order of the queue, or by adhering to the rule “I ate – washed the dishes after myself.”
In short, for your family to live happily, you need to do household chores together.
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Traditional male responsibilities in the family
- Family financial support, money making.
- Ensuring physical safety for each household member (meaning the provision of physical assistance in the event of an attack, etc.).
- Hard physical work.
- Maintaining home appliances.
- Taking out the trash.
Traditional female responsibilities
- Food preparation.
- Cleaning the house.
- Washing dishes.
Is it necessary to share responsibilities in the family – the opinion of a psychologist, an expert of the Bologny magazine, Irina Barbat
I would not say I should. Nobody and nobody owes anything. Equal partners enter into marriage. They are equally responsible for everything that happens within their marriage. and for everyday life too.
Everyday life is a contented, meaningful story in marriage. Often, it is he who is the stumbling block. One of the most common reasons for the collapse of a relationship is “life is stuck”. And why does everyday life jam? But because people, entering into a marriage relationship, do not stipulate this part of life, but rely on a stereotype. And according to the stereotype: a woman is the keeper of the hearth, respectively, and all household issues should lie with her. A man is a breadwinner, and washing dishes is not a man’s business at all. And at some point in time, a woman gets tired, claims and scandals begin, her husband’s reproaches that he does not help. And the husband begins to defend himself against attacks.
The bottom line is nothing good. What happens if a man does the dishes or cooks dinner? There should not be a clear and unified answer to the question: “how should the distribution of responsibilities between husband and wife take place.” How to distribute household responsibilities within the family can only be decided by the partners themselves. That’s how they agreed, and rightly so. And no stereotypes or opinions of other people should influence the decision of the couple. They agreed that, for example, they alternate in washing dishes, which means that this is comfortable for this couple. The main thing is that this topic should be discussed “on the shore”, and not become a reason for breaking off relations in a year or two.
How should the distribution of responsibilities of the wife and husband take place – commentary by the expert of the Bologny magazine, Yulia Klyukvina
The distribution of responsibilities among family members often becomes a stumbling block and a cause of conflicts and mutual reproaches, but a competent approach in this matter will help to avoid many unpleasant situations.
In my opinion, the most common mistake spouses make is the distribution of roles by gender. Indeed, in reality, not all women masterfully own a ladle, and men – a drill and a hammer. And the phrase “because you are a woman / man” can be fatal for a relationship and someone’s self-esteem.
Of course, in the end, a person will take on those functions that he does not like and / or are poorly given, but is it worth it? Indeed, in this case, the words “life” and “household” will acquire a negative connotation for both spouses, because everyone will be busy with what causes not the most positive emotions in him. And regular discontent is a direct path to discord.
The best way to distribute responsibilities among family members and at the same time avoid dissatisfaction is to take into account the abilities and wishes of each of the spouses, pushing stereotypes and conventions into the background. Your husband knows how and loves to cook, but is not at all friendly with technology? This is not a reason to belittle him! Let him cook you delicious pancakes, and you hire a “husband for an hour” when you need to change the tap. The same goes for women – if you don’t know how to cook, there is no point in trying to create culinary masterpieces. Perhaps your path is working with children or creating a cozy atmosphere.
Proceed from skills and needs, forgetting about the role of a good housewife and a harsh breadwinner. Then joint housekeeping will be a joy to both spouses and will not begin to be associated with hard labor.
Responsibilities of Family Members – How should the responsibilities of wife and husband be allocated? Commentary by clinical psychologist Yegor Semyonov
In our time, bizarre manifestations of economic relations in the post-industrial economy often lead to the transformation of the traditional distribution of responsibilities of the family microsociety. Often there are situations when the wife becomes the main earner, simply because she can earn more, and the husband is forced to take on a number of traditionally female functions: housework, caring for and raising children.
The economy determines everything, and no amount of groaning about the loss of traditional values and changing roles in the family will change the matter. In this sense, it is important to understand something else – it is not so important that the distribution of responsibilities of family members corresponds to the gender stereotypes of “breadwinner” and “homemaker”, but it is critical that the distribution of these responsibilities is fair.
The spouses return home at the end of the working day, and the man collapses exhaustedly on the sofa with the TV remote control in hand, and the woman starts busy with the housework: preparing dinner, cleaning the apartment and doing homework with the children. Although she herself was no less tired. Familiar situation? This approach – you have to do it because you are a woman and I am a man – ultimately leads to an increase in dull irritation and gradually erodes all the light and good that once brought these people together. Moreover, it works in both directions, both from man to woman, and vice versa. In no case should you forget about it.
It is not so important who is now the main earner in the family – if this is our common family, then the responsibilities must be divided evenly. If possible. Without forgetting the most common common sense.
How to distribute responsibilities in the family? Exercise from psychologist Ksenia Yurieva
The family is a system and it requires orderliness. It is important to maintain a “take and give” balance. This will not be possible if the responsibilities are not shared between husband and wife.
After the birth of a child, new roles and responsibilities are added to the spouses. Married couples do not always manage to flexibly integrate into new roles and responsibilities.
Moreover, more often people do not realize that the family entails 3 types of responsibilities: physical, material and psychological.
To achieve a balance of “take and give,” I suggest that spouses do the following exercise:
- Take a piece of paper and a pen, write down all the affairs and responsibilities that arise in your family, from earning money to household issues, point by point. These will be the horizontal columns on your duty sheet.
- Next, write the names of family members vertically and mark with scores from 0 to 10, in what percentage each performs certain duties.
- In the end, count how many points in the family. “Record holders” carry on themselves the main energy weight of the family, it is precisely such a skew that can lead to an imbalance in the family.
Review your findings with your spouse and discuss the need for change.
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