Getting over a breakup with a man is not easy, even if the woman herself initiated the breakup. For a woman, a long-term relationship with a man is primarily an emotional attachment. And with the loss of a relationship, a woman can fall into emotional dependence, which can last up to three years.
Why are women more emotionally dependent?
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The answer to this question lies in the childhood period. The psychosexual development of a girl is different from that of a boy. The girl is born of the same sex with her mother.
During the first years of life, a strong and deep emotional attachment is established with the mother. And this attachment does not disappear throughout the girl’s life.
At the age of 4–6, the girl realizes what gender she is, realizes that she is the same as her mother. The child begins to closely observe the mother, to realize the functions and roles of the woman, to try on these roles on himself.
The girl also understands that she is different from her dad. Through the behavior of the mother, she realizes what a man means in a woman’s life. The girl gets closer to her dad in order to understand what functions and roles a man performs.
And so, she looked at everything and found out, checked and confirmed that her dad loves her, and the girl returns to her mother. And stays with her for life.
Boys during this period go to the world of their fathers and experience the first serious emotional parting in their life – parting with their mother. Therefore, men do not become emotionally dependent. And girls do not have such an example of separation in childhood, so the breakup of emotionally significant relationships can feel like a tragedy.
Emotional addiction can be severe and prolonged. Often, a woman on her own is not able to quickly get out of this state. It is recommended to consult a psychologist in order to live this period easier and less painful.
Emotional addiction can arise even if a woman, for some reason, has decided to end a relationship with a man.
How to tell a man about breaking up correctly?
The decision has been made, how to say about it. A woman should clearly define and first speak to herself about all the reasons for parting. This will give you confidence in the conversation with your partner.
You need to think about where to communicate your decision. It is recommended to choose a calm place, preferably neutral, but do not forget that there may be different emotions in a partner and unpredictable reactions.
Use the sandwich principle: start positive. Thank your partner sincerely for the time you were together, for the feelings that you experienced next to him.
After that, indicate your decision and reasons, try to talk not about what your partner did wrong, but about your feelings, about your condition. Use the self-concept (“I feel”, “I would like to”, “I think”).
It is also necessary to finish good. Remember something warm that you will forever leave in your memory, thank and wish you happiness.
If your decision is final, then do not take a step back, be firm, regardless of the requests of your partner. It’s better to part once than a little bit, but every day.
Parting words to a man when parting
In such a highly personal moment, it is impossible to write a script. It can be recommended to remember that even in this difficult and difficult situation one should remain human, not forget that there is a living person nearby and that he is also in pain now.
Words will be found by themselves, heart and soul will prompt!
Specific words depend on the character of the person himself, on his attitude to life, on thinking. And, of course, a lot also depends on how much a person can cope with his grievances, claims that are inside and have accumulated in the course of the relationship.
Before you say anything, ask yourself: “What would I like to hear in such a situation?”…
This will be the best compass ever!
Breakup with a married man
Relationships with a married man are difficult from the start. In fact, this is a relationship of three, since such a connection is a triangle.
A man gets a mistress for his own reasons, which, as a rule, are far from those for which a woman enters into this relationship. The mistress does not even always know about the presence of a spouse.
A woman who is in a relationship with a married man must understand that sooner or later the man will leave. A very low percentage of men leave the family, from their spouses, children to their mistress. It is better to say that these are a few, but the presence of a mistress is a common phenomenon.
A lover is a difficult role. Second role, in the shade. Playing by the rules set by the man. This role makes it difficult to build your own family, to fulfillment in the role of a wife.
The relationship with a married person is ultimate. And the sooner the end comes, the more prospects will open for a woman. You should not wait for the man to make a decision himself and announce the breakup. This relationship can last for years, since the man is not interested in changing the situation.
He is comfortable and good, he gets everything he wants and controls this situation. And the woman loves and suffers because, in fact, she is a “alternate airfield”.
A woman should understand that this man is a stranger, there is no free space next to him. There is no room for her.
As a psychologist, I want to recommend an exercise that will clearly show this picture:
- Take any figurines, place a figurine of a man in the center, and then put his wife, children, relatives next to him.
- And you will clearly see that there is no full-fledged place next to him for you.
- Remember these figures – they will serve as a sobering-up when you hope and wait again and again.
If you made this difficult decision, you need to firmly and seriously say about this man. No emotion, no tears, no hysterics. Hard and tough. It is best to prepare in advance. Learn your text, practice in front of the mirror. This is necessary so as not to break into emotions.
The man will try to dissuade you, since your decision was not part of his plans. Therefore, you must be hard as a rock.
No goodbye intimacy!
After it, you will not be able to break off the relationship, and all the words spoken will be an empty phrase.
You should also not write letters or SMS to a man. On the one hand, this may seem like a solution, on the other, you will subconsciously wait for a reaction, and in this case, this is just a delay in the painful process.
Stages of breaking up a relationship with a man
Breaking up a relationship is a loss. The experience of loss goes through certain stages:
All these stages are present, but each woman goes through them individually. During this period, a woman needs the support of close people who, with a sober look, will be able to assess the experience of these stages and will not let each stage drag on longer than necessary.
The first stage of shock and denial can be five minutes, maybe a year. The woman cannot believe in the breakup. She deceives herself, evokes fond memories that tear the soul. This stage can lead to nervous exhaustion and even depression.
In the anger stage, negative emotions are released. This is a very important phase. A woman must release and experience these emotions:
- reproaching yourself and your partner.
Recommend exercise: “Empty cans”
You need to buy as many empty cans as there are emotions inside. Find a secluded place (wasteland, field) where no one can interfere and confuse. It is desirable that there is a wall, a tree or any object that you can break the jar against.
We take each can and throw it against the wall and shout, loud, bright. Thus, negative emotions are released, an emptiness from the negative is formed inside.
The bargaining stage is very tricky. A woman is trying to bargain at least some kind of relationship with a partner. Often, a suffering woman is obsessed with the idea of renewing the union by any means. And she is ready for any action:
The stage of depression is a state of awareness of the impossibility of returning a relationship. A woman withdraws into herself, closes herself off from the world, falls into despondency. This phase can be difficult and lead to suicidal thoughts.
The last phase is acceptance of the situation and the realization that life has not stopped, that you need to move on.
How to make an energy break with a man?
- End this relationship. Put a point. Block contacts. Delete pages in social networks. Remove photographs, things that will stir up the soul.
- Take care of yourself. Massage, fitness, dance, theater, cinema, books.
- Don’t be alone. Surround yourself with girlfriends. Fill your day with as many activities, hobbies, and interests as possible, so that there is no time to be sad alone.
- A wedge is not knocked out by a wedge. You should not plunge into a new relationship, this will not help, and may even make it even more painful. Give yourself time. Parting is a little death. This period must be experienced, not avoided.
- Meditation. Use meditation to focus on yourself, your feelings.
- Find yourself a psychologist. He will become your best friend.
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