Many people have had their hearts broken at least once in their lives. Some partners leave in their youth, while others leave after jointly accumulated life experience.
Practicing psychologists never cease to be amazed that people with a large number of internal resources, who have gone through the most severe life shocks, cannot cope with stress by losing a loved one. In fact, breaking up is a serious problem for anyone, the importance of which should not be underestimated.
When we are alone with sad thoughts, we often fall into despair. How to get over a breakup? Fortunately, there are several simple psychological techniques that make it easier to go through this difficult path.
Method # 1 – Accept the Situation
It is very difficult to survive parting with a loved one. The first thing to do is to become aware of the situation. You need to make it clear that the relationship with your partner is over and stop hoping it will resume.
Understand that your life is not over at this stage. Nothing happens without a reason, probably what happened to you is an excuse to learn something new. Now you have acquired the most valuable experience, which you can later share with your loved ones, friends and children.
Be grateful to your ex for the opportunity to look at life from a different angle. Surely, thanks to him, you learned important things. Therefore, now you need to accept the situation and reflect on the experience.
Method # 2 – Think back to his flaws that annoyed you
An interesting moment – after parting with a partner, we often idealize him, recalling extremely positive moments in a relationship. We also feel guilty towards him. This is due to the specifics of our psyche.
Psychologist’s advice: you can only survive the separation comfortably if you are clearly aware of the fact that your ex-partner is far from ideal.
Understand that no relationship breaks down without a specific reason. If you left your chosen one, or vice versa, it is likely that the intolerance of one of you was to blame.
Stop idealizing your ex, remember his shortcomings that annoyed you. Psychologist Guy Winch gives an example that perfectly illustrates the need to do this:
“They are a lovely couple who decided to go on a picnic in the mountains. He spread a blanket on a beautiful hill, poured wine and embraced her affectionately. She looked into his bottomless eyes, plunging into the abyss of high feelings. Then they kissed for a long time, illuminated by the stars.
These memories are wonderful. But why not also remember how long after that it took them to get home, lost in the forest, getting wet in the rain and, annoyed by the situation, quarreled a lot? “
Method number 3 – distance yourself from any mention of it
A broken heart is a much more insidious problem than you might think. It forces a person to put forward one incredible theory after another, even if it makes him worse.
Interesting fact! Neuro-linguistic studies have confirmed that when a person is deprived of love, the same mechanisms are activated in his brain as in drug addicts who use opioids.
When you have lost the company of a loved one, “withdrawal” begins. You strive to pull any thread in order to get the desired dose of the drug, pleasant memories of it. That is why, after breaking up relations, we monitor the social networks of former partners, visit places where we can meet him, view joint photos, etc.
All these actions bring temporary relief, but its nature is short-lived.
Remember, the longer you retain the memory of your past chosen one, the harder it will be for you to accept the fact of breaking up with him.
Memories, in this case, are a “drug alternative.” Instincts can give the false impression that by indulging in nostalgia, you are unraveling the riddle, but in fact, at this moment you are getting the right dose of love. This is why a broken heart is so difficult to heal.
Understand that Regular memories of your former partners only increase your dependence on them. Therefore, as soon as you feel that the melancholy rolls over – switch your attention to something pleasant, chase worrying thoughts away! Otherwise, your mental recovery will be greatly delayed.
Method # 4 – Stop looking for an explanation for your breakup
“Why did we break up?”, “Could I have changed the situation by acting differently then?” – these are standard questions that we ask ourselves after the end of a relationship with a loved one. But, believe me, none of the possible answers to them will satisfy you.
Fighting to heal a broken heart takes perseverance, endurance, and motivation. You need to conduct it consistently, remembering the main rule: do not look for the reason for the end of your relationship.
Trying to find an answer will drive you into depression, which will not be easy to get out of. No explanation will help you get rid of your heartache. Trust me, you will find answers over time.
Now you have no choice but to accept the situation. Remember what your partner said to you during the breakup, and if he did not say anything, think out his words yourself, and do not raise this question again. To overcome addiction, you must stop looking for explanations.
Method number 5 – Start a new life
All the signs of the traditional experience of grief, loss are inherent in a broken heart:
- loss of appetite;
- internal dialogue;
- weakened immunity;
- obsessive thoughts, etc.
Psychologists say that a broken heart is a serious psychological trauma that leaves a negative imprint on almost all areas of our life. But it can be cured by starting a new life.
Leave the person who was dear to you in the past. Accept the fact that he is no longer with you and move on. Never be alone! Go out with friends, visit relatives, go to the nearest cinema to watch a movie. In general, do whatever you like and for which there was not enough time before.
Important! The void that has formed within you must be filled with something.
So how to live after a breakup? The answer is banally simple: beautifully, fully, with faith in a bright future.
Finally, I will give one more valuable advice: to get rid of mental anguish, find the gaps in your life and fill them (gaps in personality, social life, professional activity, life priorities, values, even on the walls).
Have you had to heal a broken heart? Share your invaluable experience in the comments.
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