We really want our sons to grow up to be real men. It’s good when a child has a worthy example in front of his eyes, but what if this example is not there? How to develop masculine qualities in a son? How to avoid mistakes in upbringing?
One friend of mine is raising her son alone. She is 27. The child’s father left her when she was pregnant. Now her wonderful baby is 6 years old, and he is growing up as a real man: he opens the door for his mother, carries a bag from the store and often says so sweetly “Mom, you are like a princess with me, so I will do everything myself”. And she admits that raising her son is much easier for her, since her brother spends a lot of time with the boy. But at the same time, she is afraid that due to the fact that there is no father nearby, the son will withdraw into himself.
Unfortunately, many mothers are forced to raise their son on their own. For example, Masha Malinovskaya is raising her son alone, according to her, one of the most important qualities of a potential spouse sees the ability to find a common language with her son. Miranda Kerr is also raising her son herself and at the same time feels quite happy.
And what if there is no worthy example for the son?
There are several situations when a child grows up without a father:
- The father left when the child was very young (or during pregnancy) and does not take part in the child’s life at all.
- The father left when the child was very young (or during pregnancy) but takes part in the life of his child.
- The child’s father left at the conscious age of his son and stopped communicating with him.
- The child’s father left at the conscious age of his son, but continues to participate in the life of his son.
If the father, after leaving the family, still maintains contact with his son, this is the best option. In this case, try not to undermine the authority of the father in the eyes of the child. Let the father be an example for the child.
But what if the father almost never appears in the life of his son? Or even completely forgot about its existence?
13 psychologist’s tips on how to raise a son without a father
- Tell your child about the father. It doesn’t matter how you feel about it. Tell us some general information about your father: age, hobbies, profession, etc. Do not talk about him in a negative way, do not blame or criticize. And if your own father shows a desire to communicate with his son, you should not resist this.
- Don’t talk bad about men. Your child should not hear how you blame all the men on earth for your troubles and for being alone now.
- Involve men in your family to communicate with your child. Have your father, brother, or uncle spend time with the boy if possible. Together they will fix something, build something or just take a walk.
- Enroll the child in sections and circles. Try to take your son to class, where he will have an example of male behavior in front of him in the form of a coach or mentor. The main thing is that the child is interested.
- Be sure to hug and kiss your son. Sometimes we are afraid that because of this, the son will not grow up to be a man. This is not true. The boy also needs to receive tenderness.
- Do not educate “like in the army.” Excessive severity and rigidity will negatively affect the child, and he may simply withdraw into himself.
- Study with your son. The boy will be interested in studying cars, sports and much more. If these topics are not clear to you, then studying them together will have a great time.
- Instill in the boy responsibility, courage and independence. Praise your son for showing these qualities.
- Films, cartoons are shown or read books where the image of a man is positive. For example, about knights or superheroes.
- Don’t take on male responsibilities too early. Let your son be a child.
- Be not just a mother for your baby, but also a good friend. It will be much easier for you to find a common language with your son if you have mutual trust.
- Teach your child not to be ashamed of the fact that he has an incomplete family. Explain to him that this happens, but it does not make him worse than others.
- You should not build a new relationship with a man just to find a dad for the child. And be prepared for the fact that your chosen one and your son may not immediately find a common language.
Regardless of whether you have a complete family or not, the most important thing that you can give your child is understanding, support, love and care!
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