“Is it worth living with a husband for the sake of children?“- psychotherapists often hear this question from wives desperate in marriage. Every parent knows that for full development and psychological health, a child, first of all, needs a favorable environment in a complete and friendly family. The baby must be raised by mom and dad. But it happens that the fire of love between parents is extinguished by a sudden wind of change, and life together becomes a burden for both. In such a situation, it is the child who suffers the most. How to be? Let’s figure it out.
The content of the article:
The reasons why women keep their families for the sake of the child
The wife fell out of love with her husband, but wants to save the marriage for the sake of the child. What pushes her to do this?
- Common property (apartment, car, etc.). Feelings faded away, there was almost nothing in common. Except for the child and property. And there is absolutely no desire to share a dacha or apartment. The material prevails over the feelings, interests of the child and common sense.
- Nowhere to go. This reason becomes the main one in very many cases. There is no home, and there is nothing to rent. So you have to put up with the situation, continuing to quietly hate each other.
- Money. The loss of a source of money for some women is tantamount to death. Someone cannot work (there is no one to leave the child), someone does not want (having got used to a well-fed, calm life), for someone it is not possible to find a job. And the child needs to be fed and clothed.
- Fear of loneliness. The stereotype – a divorced woman with a “tail” is not needed by anyone – is firmly entrenched in many female heads. Often times, during a divorce, you can lose friends in addition to the other half.
- Unwillingness to raise a child in an incomplete family… “Anything, but a father”, “A child should have a happy childhood”, etc.
Why are women unwilling to keep their families together, even for the sake of a child?
So. She fell out of love with her husband. On forums, women often write about this problem. However, not everyone is ready to keep the marriage, even if there is a child. Causes:
- Desire to become self-reliant.
- Tired of quarrels and quiet hatred.
- “If love is dead, then there is no point in torturing yourself.”
- “The child will be much more comfortable if he is not a constant witness to quarrels.”
Is it worth keeping a family for the sake of a child?
No one will ever tell you the exact answer. The decision to maintain or dissolve a marriage is made by at least two parties. However, the presence of a child should not be a factor “for” or “against”, in my opinion.
Children have a flexible mind. They, like sponges, absorb the emotional experiences of their parents and subconsciously copy their pattern of behavior. Therefore, if you want your child to live in a complete and happy family, you can try to improve relations with your spouse. BUT! In the absence of PERSONAL motivation, you will not be able to do this. Simply put, if you made an internal decision to leave your husband, then abandoning him just for the sake of the child is more likely a mistake than the right decision.
You can’t be cute. Remember this. If you are not a first-class actress who, out of love for her child, will portray a happy wife 24/7, being with an unloved husband, then perhaps the little one will not suspect that your brother is cracked. Therefore, dear ones, my advice to you: do not “step on your throat” and sacrifice your happiness, staying close to an unloved person, even if you feel sorry for a child who will live without a father.
Is it worth keeping a family together for the sake of a child? Recommendations
No matter how women dream of eternal love, alas, it happens – once waking up, a woman realizes that next to her is a completely stranger. It doesn’t matter why it happened. Love leaves for many reasons – resentment, betrayal, just a loss of interest in your once beloved half. It’s important to know what to do about it. How to be? Not everyone has enough worldly wisdom. Not everyone is able to maintain peace and friendship with their spouse. As a rule, one burns bridges and leaves forever, the other suffers and cries at night in a pillow. What to do to change the situation?
- Does it make sense to endure humiliation for financial well-being? There is always an option – to weigh, think over, soberly assess the situation. How much do you lose if you leave? Of course, you will have to plan your budget on your own, and you cannot cope without work, but is this not a reason to become independent? Don’t depend on your unloved husband. Let there be less money, but for the sake of it you will not have to listen to the reproaches of a stranger to you and prolong your torment from day to day.
- Of course, a child needs a complete family. But we presume, and the sky disposes. And if feelings died, and the child has to see his father only on weekends (or even less often) – this is not a tragedy. The task of education is quite feasible in such a small family. The main thing is the mother’s confidence in her abilities and, if possible, maintaining friendly relations with her husband.
- Rarely preserving a family for the sake of a child makes it possible to create comfortable conditions for him. Children feel the atmosphere in the family very sensitively. And life for a baby in a family where quarrels or hatred consume parents, will not be favorable… Such a life has no prospects and no joy. Moreover, the crippled psyche of the baby and a bouquet of complexes can become the consequences. And there is no need to talk about warm childhood memories.
- Why silently hate each other? You can always talk, come to a balanced unanimous decision. It is impossible to solve the problem by quarrels and swearing. To begin with, you can discuss your problems, replacing emotions with meaningful arguments. Recognition is better than silence anyway. And if you don’t glue the broken family boat at all, then, again, peacefully and calmly, you can come to a unanimous decision – how to live on.
- Who Said There Is No Life After Divorce? Who said that only loneliness awaits there? According to statistics, a woman with a child gets married very quickly… A child is not a hindrance to new love, and a second marriage often becomes much stronger than the first.
Steps to keep the family together for the sake of the child
The role of a woman in the family, as a psychologically more flexible partner, will always be decisive. A woman is able to forgive, move away from negativity and be the engine of “progress” in the family. What if the relationship has cooled, but you can still save the family?
- Change the scene drastically. Take care of each other again. Experience the joy of new sensations together.
- Be more interested in your other half. After birth, a man is often left on the sidelines – forgotten and misunderstood. Try to stand in his place. Maybe he’s just tired of being unnecessary?
- Be honest with each other. Do not accumulate your grievances – they can carry both of you sweat, like an avalanche. If there are complaints and questions, they must be discussed immediately. There is nothing without trust.
Living together is impossible – what to do next?
If the relationship cannot be saved, and all attempts to improve it are broken against the wall of misunderstanding and anger, the best option is to disperse, preserving normal human relations.
- There is no point in lying to a childthat all is well. He sees everything for himself.
- There is no point in lying to yourself – they say, everything will work out. If the family has a chance, then the separation will only benefit.
- Psychological trauma should not be allowed for your child. He needs calm parents who are happy with life and self-sufficient.
- It is unlikely that a child will say thank you for the years lived in an atmosphere of hatred. He doesn’t need such sacrifices… He needs love. And she doesn’t live where people hate each other.
- Live separately for a while. It is possible that you are just tired and need to miss each other.
- Did they disperse? Do not discourage the father in his desire to communicate with the child. (unless, of course, he is a maniac, from whom everyone should stay away). Do not use your child as a bargaining chip in your relationship with your ex-husband. Think about the interests of the crumbs, not about your grievances.
Life after divorce and the attitude of parents to the child
As a rule, after the divorce proceedings, the child is left with the mother. It’s good if the parents managed not to sink to the division of property and other squabbles. Then the father comes to the child without hindrance, and the child does not feel abandoned. You can always find a compromise. A loving mother will find a solution that will provide her child with a happy childhood, even in an incomplete family.
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