Obedient children are nonsense. Kids who constantly quietly sit in a corner and draw, obey adults unquestioningly, do not play pranks and do not be capricious, they simply do not exist in nature. This is a child, and therefore it is the norm.
But sometimes whims and disobedience go beyond all permissible boundaries, and parents find themselves “at a dead end” – they do not want to punish, but discipline is needed like air.
What to do?
The content of the article:
Reasons why the child does not obey the parents or caregiver
First of all, figure out – “where the legs grow from”. Nothing happens without a reason, which means look for the root of “evil”.
In this case, the reasons may be as follows:
- You allow too much, and the baby grows up practically in “baby-land”, where everything is permissible, and there are no prohibitions as such. Permissiveness, as you know, gives rise to impunity and, as a result, serious problems for both sides.
- Yesterday (at 1.5-2 years old) you allowed everything, but today (at 3-5 years old) you have abruptly stopped. Because they decided that the period of “disobedience as a norm” was over, and it was time to introduce new rules of the game. But the child is already accustomed to the old rules. And if yesterday daddy laughed when the baby threw popcorn at the guests, then why suddenly today is it bad and uncivilized? Discipline is a constant “quantity.” It begins with the diaper and continues without changes, only then the parents have no problems with disobedience.
- The child is not feeling well. This is not a temporary short-term malaise, but a permanent problem. If all other reasons disappear, take the baby for examination – perhaps something is bothering him (teeth, kidneys, tummy, joint pain, etc.).
- Inconsistency of rules outside and within the family. Such contradictions always baffle the kid. He simply does not understand why it is possible at home, but not in the kindergarten (or vice versa). Of course, disorientation is not good for you. Take a closer look at the child’s peers – perhaps the reason is in them. And talk to the teacher.
- The child broadens his horizons, his skills, knowledge and talents. He just wants to try everything. And a riot is a completely normal reaction to a ban. Don’t try to be an evil cop – consider your kid’s personality. Forcibly persuading you to the model of behavior that seems correct to you will still not work. Direct the child’s energy in the right direction – this will make it easier to curb the child.
- You are pushing too much with your authority. Give your child “air” – he wants to be independent! You still have to learn to solve your problems yourself – let him start now, if he wants.
- You are jealous. Perhaps your baby has a sister (brother), and he simply does not have enough of your affection and care.
- The child does not understand what you want from him. Most popular reason. For a child to hear and understand you, he must realize why he should do what his mother asks him to do. Motivate your requests!
- You spend too little time with your child. Work, shops, business, but at home I want a rest, a cozy comedy and coffee with a book. But the child does not understand this. And he doesn’t want to wait for you to rest, work, finish the book. He needs you all the time. Try to carve out time for your baby even in times of full employment. We all become much calmer and happier when we feel loved.
How to behave as a parent or teacher with a naughty child – learning the correct dialogue
If you feel that your hands are already dropping, some nonsense is about to fly off your tongue, and your palm itches from the desire to give a slipper on a soft place – exhale, calm down and remember:
- Always explain why you shouldn’t and why you should. The child must understand the rules of conduct that you set.
- Never change these rules. If it is impossible today and here, then it is impossible tomorrow, in a year, here, there, at the grandmother’s, etc. Control over the implementation of the rules lies with all adult family members – this is a necessary condition. If you banned sweets before lunchtime, then the grandmother should also observe this rule and not feed her grandson with pies before the soup.
- Unlearn to lisp at once. It takes up to a year to be touched by his pranks, lisp and smile at whims. After a year – take matters into your own hands, dressed, in turn, with iron gloves. Yes, there will be grievances at first. This is fine. But in 2-3 years you will not cry to your friend on the phone – “I can’t take it anymore, he doesn’t listen to me!”. Offended? We are not sorry! The words “No” and “Must” are iron words. Do not try to smile, otherwise it will be like in a joke – “hey, guys, she’s joking!”
- Does the child not want to play by your rules? Be wiser. Refused to collect scattered cubes – offer a game of speed. Whoever collects faster – that milk with cookies (of course, do not rush). Doesn’t want to go to bed? Get into the habit of bathing him every night in fragrant water with high foam and toys. And then – an interesting bedtime story. And the problem will be solved.
- Praise the child for obedience, help and fulfillment of your requests. The more you praise him, the more he will try to please you. It is very important for children when parents are proud of them and rejoice at their success. From this “wings” grow in children.
- Strict and precise daily routine. Necessarily! Without sleep / nutrition, you will never achieve anything.
- Before you say “no,” think well: maybe it’s still possible? The child wants to jump through the puddles: why not, if he is in boots? It’s fun! Think of yourself as a child. Or the kid wants to lie in a snowdrift and make an angel. Again, why not? Dress your baby according to the weather, taking into account his desires, and then instead of your “no” and the cries of the child, there will be joyful laughter and endless gratitude. Want to throw stones? Place pins or cans in a safe place (free from passers-by) – let him throw and learn accuracy. Do’s and don’ts for a child are important rules for parents.
- Direct the child’s activity. Look for ways through which he can release energy. Do not forbid him to draw on the wallpaper, give him a whole wall for “coloring” or stick 2-3 white Whatman paper – let him create. Maybe this is the future Dali. Crawls into your saucepans, interferes with cooking? Put him at the table, mix him a glass of flour with water – let him make “dumplings”.
And, of course, be attentive to your little one.
Remember that you want attention and understanding at any age, and in children – many times more.
The main mistakes parents make when raising naughty children – start parenting with yourself!
- “Well, then I don’t love you.” A categorical and gross mistake that should not be allowed under any circumstances. Ignore his bad deeds, but not himself. Do not like his whims, but not himself. The kid must firmly know that his mother will always love him and anyone, that she will never stop loving him, never leave him, will not betray or deceive. Intimidation instills in the child the fear of being abandoned or not loved. Perhaps he will sit very deep inside, but it will definitely influence the character, development and personality of the baby.
- Don’t be silent. There is nothing worse for a baby than a mother who “does not notice” him. Even if it is – for the cause. Scold, punish, deprive sweets (etc.), but do not deprive the child of your attention and affection.
- “He will understand himself, he will learn himself.” Of course, the baby must become independent, and he needs a certain freedom. But don’t go overboard! The freedom granted should not become indifference.
- Never use physical punishment. Firstly, you will only drive the child into that “shell” from which he simply does not want to crawl out later. Secondly, he will remember this for the rest of his life. Third, you will not achieve anything by this. And fourthly, only weak people who are unable to establish normal contact with a child resort to this type of punishment.
- Do not spoil the child. Yes, I want all the best for him, and I want to resolve everything, kiss the heels before going to bed, and clean up toys for him, etc. And let him eat when he wants, sleep with his parents even before marriage, paint cats and fall asleep fish with flour – if only the child was good. Yes? This approach is wrong from the start. Permissiveness will lead to the fact that the child simply will not be ready for life in society. And if you do not feel sorry for yourself (and you, oh, how will you get it in this case, and pretty soon), then have pity on the children with whom your child will have to study. And the child himself, who will find it extremely difficult to communicate with children brought up in a radically different way.
- Do not push your baby into sections and mugs to which he does not have a soul. If you dreamed that he played the flute, this does not mean that he also dreams of the flute. Most likely, he wants to play football, design, paint, etc. Be guided by the wishes of the child, not your dreams. For example, learn how to choose a sport for your child based on their personality and temperament.
- But what about kisses? If the child needs your hugs and kisses, then do not deny him them. It often happens that the child himself clings, hugs, asks for his arms and openly asks for “hugs”. This means your child lacks affection. But if the child is against, then you should not impose your love.
- Don’t take your anger out on your toddler. Your problems should not concern the child. And your “can” should not depend on your bad mood.
- “I am busy”. Even if your day is tightly scheduled by the minute, this is not a reason for the child to look for a “window” in your schedule and make an appointment. Take time for your baby! Half an hour, 20 minutes, but dedicated only to him – to his beloved, dear little man who misses you very much.
- Do not use bribery to try to get the child to do something. Learn to negotiate without bribes. Otherwise, later, without them, the child will not do anything at all. A bribe can only be your bedtime story, playing with dad, etc.
- Do not frighten the child with the “bastards”, the police, Uncle Vasya the drunkard from the next apartment. Fear is not a parenting tool.
- Do not punish the child and do not read sermons to him if the baby eats, is sick, just woke up or wants to sleep, during the game, as well as when he wanted to help you, and in front of strangers.
And, of course, do not forget that the capricious and “harmful” age of children flies by very quickly. There should be discipline, but without love and care, all your rules are useless.
Have you had similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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