The psychologist told how to properly react to the betrayal of her husband
Why do men cheat? This question worries many women firsthand. Is it possible to forgive the betrayal of her husband and live on? Or is the fact of betrayal an excuse to permanently break off the connection with the traitor? Answers to these and other questions about cheating are answered by a psychotherapist.
How to behave if you find out about your husband’s cheating
If the husband has cheated, the most important thing is to approach the solution of the problem with a cold mind. Your first thoughts “How could he? Why? I do everything for him!“. Of course, you can allow yourself to cry, cry, cry, but no more than three days, otherwise your self-esteem will begin to evaporate, and then self-pity will sweep all your thoughts. This should not be allowed categorically! The situation cannot be reversed, the past cannot be returned, the deed cannot be corrected, but the relationship can be maintained.
It is important not only to preserve, but to bring them to a qualitatively new level of development, to a new stage of evolution, otherwise everything will happen again. Because such a relationship as it was, clearly does not suit your man, since he has done such an act. Indeed, infidelity will not arise by itself. This is a consequence of some specific mistakes in the relationship between a man and a woman. Usually, cheating does not occur in married couples, where everyone gets the most that he wants and also gives in return.
Read also: Cheating through the eyes of a psychologist – a reason for parting or a reason to “reset” the relationship?
So, what is the right way to react to your husband’s betrayal?
- Your own feelings and desires, do you want your husband to stay with you… If you understand that, it turns out, the feelings are no longer those that were, then there is no point in trying to restore everything. You may understand with pain that you cannot forgive the betrayal. You may feel disgusting to think that this man, previously such a dear person, hugged and kissed another body and lips. If one of these examples is just your case, then most likely you will never return to the original state of unconditional love and trust in each other, and, therefore, there are no paths to a calm, happy life.
- What was the betrayal? Single or regular, conscious or accidental, only at the physical level or in conjunction with feelings?There is even a forced betrayal, no matter how unrealistic it may sound. For example, to keep a good position, or to get. This, of course, does not justify such an act. Any betrayal is a betrayal, just the circumstances are different. If the betrayal is regular and with some kind of feelings, then it will be harder for you to completely regain your husband. One-time betrayal is no better than regular betrayal, but here, of course, it is easier to explain and forgive. After all, it is common for all people to make mistakes, everyone has the right to make a mistake, if this does not happen all the time.
- What kind of relationship with your husband do you have: excellent, good, normal or problematic. If you accurately determine the status of your relationship, then it will be easier for you to understand the reason for the betrayal and estrangement of your husband. Any relationship with a problem can be brought to excellent or even excellent. The main thing is to want this strongly, draw up a plan of action and go decisively and adamantly towards your goal.
- What is the situation with “that woman”? Are they waiting for him “there”? If she is married, then this is a clear case of two people finding a way to fill the missing gaps in their married life. More often it happens that the woman with whom they are cheating is lonely. Here it would be good for you to know her thoughts, although not necessarily.
- Having weighed all the pros and cons and deciding that you love your husband and want to fight for him, you can start acting. One of the most common reasons for cheating is addiction. Feelings have dulled over time, the acuity of sensations in sexual relations has long been forgotten. Therefore, it is very important to dispel this stereotype of “familiarity” in the eyes of the husband. A very effective way is to change your image, appearance. It would be nice to apply drastic changes. After all, the word “treason” is like a synonym for the word “change”, that is, the desire of a traitor to change something. So change. But not for the sake of her husband, but for his own pleasure. There are many opportunities. You can have a short haircut, turn from blonde to brunette, or, conversely, buy a new dress, change your makeup style, perfume, etc.
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What exactly shouldn’t you do?
- A big mistake is constant crying and “snot”, an unhappy face every day, blaming her husband for all troubles, talking about the past, scandals and tantrums. All this will not lead to anything good. Now you only need to think about how life will be built in the future. Try to talk about the future… Speak calmly, with dignity and rationality. Do not look for the culprit in what happened, act smart – improve your relationship if you want to keep it. But in any case, any decision, be it even separation and divorce, should not be made on fire, it is important to do it with a clear head and without unnecessary emotions.
- In no case do not retaliate with treason, this will not help anyone, but only aggravate the general state of affairs and your mental health.
- Don’t nag your husband and do not express rude reproaches towards him. Men very often start relationships on the side because of the bored life. At home, they only hear some everyday conversations about banal problems (rent, buying food, clothes, etc.), and with a woman on the side, you can just be a desirable man who does not need anything except himself.
- Give a man for sex whatever he asks for… Unsatisfied sexual desires are sometimes the main reason for going left in search of what you want. And if everything you want is at home, then why go somewhere?
- Learn belly dancing and arrange periodically a romantic dinner, followed by a striptease and all the ensuing consequences. Believe me, even after leaving on a business trip to another city, your beloved will remember such evenings and look forward to returning home.
Whatever you decide, remember the old, but eternal proverb – “Everything that is done, everything is for the best.” It is important to understand that maintaining a family and relationships is possible only if you are sure that you will never remember this betrayal and reproach your husband from time to time. But you should not forget about it, otherwise you risk experiencing a repetition of the past. Keep yourself in good shape, love yourself, take care of your loved one and respect him, then you will calmly live together until the golden wedding, which is what you can only wish!
Read also: The infidels: a social psychologist named 8 reasons for adultery
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