What associations do you have when you hear the phrase “psychological abuse”? Aggression? Blatant rudeness? Coarseness?
Unfortunately, sometimes psychological abuse can be disguised, flavored with the right words and presented under the sauce of pseudo-love and false care, so it can be very difficult to recognize your partner’s true attitude towards you.
However, if you know the marker phrases that give out the abuser, then you can identify a toxic person and toxic relationship in time.
Read also: Financial abuse in relationships: what is the reason and how to get out of the situation – advice from a psychologist
1. “You have to lose weight / get fat / change clothes …”
The word “must” is the first marker of a tyrant and abuser, but, unfortunately, women often do not pay attention to this alarm bell.
And in vain. A statement made in this form implies categoricalness, lack of a voice from the other side and complete obedience. Of course, such an attitude is unacceptable.
2. “Who needs you so much!”
So that the victim does not even have a thought to get out of a toxic relationship, the abuser immediately makes her believe in her own worthlessness, uselessness, and most importantly, instills in her the fear of loneliness.
A girl who has fallen into an abusive relationship often does not even think about the possibility of getting out of it, because thanks to the manipulations of her partner, she is sure that no one will need her besides him and she will be completely alone outside of these relationships.
3. “But Masha never did that”
The ideal way to manipulate is to compare with someone against you. Moreover, it can be not only the former, but also the mother, colleague, neighbor, anyone.
And this “anyone” can cook better, dress better, dance better, in general, be an unattainable ideal on all fronts.
And the most interesting thing is that, as a rule, such phrases are not perceived as an abuse: a girl may be offended, upset, but in the end, most likely, she will blame everything on her partner’s shortsightedness and whims.
4. “It’s none of your business”
He disappears somewhere, takes money from the family budget, or just looks worried, but he answers all your questions: “That is none of your business”…
And the problem here is not even rudeness – synonymous “I’ll figure it out myself.” carries the same message.
Your partner does not consider it necessary to devote you to his affairs and problems, which means, firstly, he does not respect, and secondly, limits you as a family member.
5. “Stop doing nonsense” or “Your job is nonsense!”
Devaluation of a partner’s work, hobby or any other activity is a common negative impact on the human psyche.
Such phrases instantly make the victim believe in his own worthlessness and insolvency, beat on self-esteem, and most importantly, tie his hands and make him dependent on the abuser: who is she and what can she do, since everything she does is nonsense?
6. “What have you done to make you tired?”
You came after a hard day at work, managed to run into the store, cooked dinner, did homework with the children, cleaned, washed and redone a bunch of other things, and in response to words about fatigue, you suddenly hear a surprised question in the spirit: “What did you do?”
If you are familiar with this situation, run as fast as you can from such a “loving” partner: a person who does not appreciate what you are doing will not appreciate you either.
7. “You fantasized everything!”
To create the illusion of confusion and delusion, to knock the ground out from under your feet, to make you believe that nothing happened, and all your beliefs are your own fantasies – this is a trademark technique of abuser.
This phenomenon even has a separate term in psychology – gaslighting.
The moment you hear a similar phrase about inventions again, think about it: will a really loving person devalue your arguments and words?
8. “Because I am a man”
Let’s admit: many dream of hearing this phrase from their partner, saying which he will boldly go to fight dragons and storm fortresses. And this is a huge mistake!
Remember the unforgettable Gosha from the movie “Moscow does not believe in tears”, who put his own order in someone else’s house only on the grounds that he was a man? This is the clearest example of a person who believes that gender gives him certain privileges and additional rights.
And both in the film and in life, such a subject will not only be heroic, but also dictate, control, terrorize, and restrict. With him from a princess, you will quickly move to Cinderella.
9. “You are my silly!”
Another form of veiled psychological abuse is humiliation, uttered in a diminutive form and seasoned with a gentle, protective voice.
He does not seem to say anything rude, does not criticize, does not scold, but his self-esteem falls to the depths of the Mariana Trench with such phrases.
10. “Not bad for a woman”
“For a woman, you drive a car well / you know a lot about technology / you write programs well / you manage a team well …” – it is not so important what the speech is about, in any case, such a phrase should alert you.
And if you think that there is nothing wrong with sexism (and this is it), then you are mistaken.
First, in a relationship with such a person, you will always face bias and belittling, that is, no matter what you do, you should not count on respect from your partner.
And secondly, the habit of belittling the female sex signals self-esteem problems. Draw conclusions.
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