12 differences between love and being in love – how to recognize being in love?

Almost all songs, films, poems and books are based on true love. This feeling is sung by poets and portrayed by artists at all times. True, often true love is confused with another feeling – with love.

COLADY psychologists will teach you to distinguish true love from imaginary falling in love. It is enough to learn a few basic signs.

How to distinguish falling in love from love – told the psychologist, expert Bologny, Elena Tolkacheva

12 differences between love and falling in love - how to define falling in love and protect yourself from mistakes in feelings?
Elena Tolkacheva – owner of an international dating agency, expert of COLADY magazine

Love

Love

It flares up sharply, with lightning speed, but it may not last long, including when the person you like is recognized closer.

It arises gradually, sometimes it takes a lot of time, since the object of adoration is studied from all sides. But it can last for a long time, sometimes for a lifetime.

When you fall in love, you are attracted by appearance, voice, physical form, sexuality, mannerism. Disadvantages are not noticed. I like the person as a whole, including character traits and personality, actions. The flaws are visible, but they love, despite them, every scar.
It can manifest itself to several people at the same time. There is a choice. Aimed at only one single person at a time. The choice has been made.

It can turn your head to madness and irresponsibility in terms of actions (unprotected sex, dangerous adventures, strict diets, change of residence, including moving to another city, leaving the family, up to divorce, etc.).

It makes you be responsible for yourself, your beloved, the health and life of both. Behavior and behavior are safe and risk-free.
I am more worried about my inner state, self-esteem rises, I want to do something that will please myself, change outwardly, etc. I would like to give a person a state of bliss, pleasure, tranquility, to do something pleasant for him.
Distance can finally tear apart. A person can lose interest, the importance of the second decreases. Distance, on the other hand, can further strengthen a relationship.
Falling in love – unconsciousness, unintelligible interest in a person, euphoria, “rose-colored glasses”, fleetingness, intrigue, in the center of attention “I”. Love – awareness, reliability, loyalty, responsibility, the desire to become better, compromise, joint plans, in the center of attention “we”.

See also: Love addiction – what is it, and how to get rid of love addiction?

If you do not know how to distinguish love from falling in love, pay attention to …

1. What attracts and excites you the most in a person?

  • Love. As a rule, in this case, you are most worried about the physical data of your partner – figure reliefs, eyes, become, oblique fathoms in the shoulders, courageous face, etc.
  • Love. You are concerned about the personality of your partner as a whole. Physical attraction and craving for a person is present, but only in conjunction with the personal characteristics and qualities of the partner. True love is the perception at all levels of all human qualities. You are worried about his light unshaven, strong back, the manner of drinking coffee in the morning and communicating with colleagues, paying in the store and shaving wooden figures on the balcony – everything, without exception.
12 differences between love and falling in love - how to define falling in love and protect yourself from mistakes in feelings?
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2. What qualities attract you to a partner?

  • Love. In this state, the number of qualities you admire in your partner is very limited. Perhaps they act on you in such a way that the earth leaves from under your feet, but these “dizzying factors” are limited to a charming smile, gait, or, for example, the scent of perfume.
  • Love. True love is when you love in a person not only “every crack”, a mole and a bulge, but also all its qualities, sides and actions (admiring the good ones, and condescendingly teasing the not the most positive ones). Any minus of a loved one immediately turns into a plus or is simply perceived as a fact and is accepted as it is.

3. The beginning of your romance

  • Love. The feeling flares up instantly – from an accidentally thrown glance, touching a hand, a short dialogue, and even a chance meeting, for example, in the company of friends. It looks like an obsession. Once lit by a match from one smile of a partner, the feeling can also quickly go out from the wind of change, as soon as the person’s character is revealed.
  • True love. It always comes gradually. It takes time to understand, realize and fully accept a person. It is impossible to love with all your heart a person about whom you know nothing. You can, of course, deceive yourself – “I love him, and everything, whatever he may be,” but true love always requires a test of time.

4. Consistency of interest in a partner

  • Love. With this feeling, interest in a partner sometimes glows with a hot flame, then subsides for days, or even weeks. There is only one reason – falling in love is not distinguished by deep roots of feeling, it is superficial, and there is nothing under it that would warm up a permanent interest in a person.
  • True love. It never dies down. Not a day (and sometimes even an hour) goes by without you thinking about your partner. You constantly want to see him, to be near, to hear a voice. And if when you are in love, parting is tolerated quite easily, then for a truly loving person, even parting for a day is unbearable.
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5. The influence of feelings on your personality

  • Love. Primitive infatuation with a partner (proven fact) is disorganizing. It relaxes, reduces concentration, displaces reasonable thinking. Falling in love is known for spontaneity of actions and romantic flair, behind which, in most cases, only illusions are hidden.
  • True love. Genuine deep feeling is a creative phenomenon. A loving person strives for self-improvement, he succeeds in everything, “turns mountains” and crosses the sea “ford”, showing his most positive sides and fiercely fighting negative ones.

6. Attitude towards people around

  • Love. “To hell with all of it! There is only him ”- in short. Everything fades into the background, friends and parents “do not understand anything in this life,” outsiders interfere, affairs do not matter. You are not in control of feeling, but feeling is in control of you. All those values ​​that you lived by have lost their meaning, you sacredly believe that everything is possible for you, because you have a good reason, and apart from this feeling, nothing else matters. Bottom line: friends “split off” and disappear, relations with parents deteriorate, problems begin at work. But this is later, but for now, love reigns supreme.
  • True love. Of course, he, beloved and dear, is the most important in this world. But you will not put him above your parents. You will not leave friends on the sidelines of your life. You will find time for everyone, because true love has settled in your big heart, which will be enough for the whole world. Your love gives you wings to develop relationships with the world around you, and illuminates the road to prospects.

7. What other people think about your relationship

  • Love. Most of your friends and acquaintances, as well as relatives (and, especially, parents) do not approve of your relationship. Blinded by feelings, a woman does not want to see flaws and even obvious vices, idealizing the object of her passion. From the outside, however, it is always more visible. And if every second person asks you to change your mind or at least take your time, it makes sense to stop for a minute and cool your head – perhaps insight will come to you before disappointment.
  • True love. If the feeling is really deep, and decisions are taken seriously, balanced and from a sober position, the people around you do not resist and do not try to impose their opinion. Either they just approve of your choice, or they clearly realize that your love will only grow stronger, in spite of everything. See also: What if your parents are against your relationship?
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8. Breakups and feelings

  • Love. An enthusiastic woman needs 1-3 months to completely “recover” from falling in love. Physiological longing for a partner lasts a maximum of 3 months, after which thoughts come about parting, about the meaninglessness of the relationship and that that blue-eyed handsome man in the next office is nothing at all.
  • True love. This feeling is not hindered by either distance or time. Those who truly love each other do not break the connecting strings even after thousands of kilometers and years later. They will write each other sms, communicate via Skype, write long letters the old fashioned way and miss, miss, miss … Waiting for the doorbell to ring. Because true love is when a partner becomes a part of you, and two souls are so tightly intertwined that they can no longer exist separately.

9. Feelings and quarrels

  • Love. The more time passes from the date of acquaintance, the stronger and more serious the quarrels become. Why? And because under love there is only emptiness. There is no spiritual connection, there are no common themes, there is no base on which strong alliances are created. As a result, after a while it turns out that you don’t even have anything to talk about, and scandals somehow “diversify” the relationship. See also: How to quarrel correctly – the art of quarreling with your beloved man or husband.
  • True love. A deep sense of disagreement is not a hindrance. On the contrary, they strengthen relationships that are initially built on mutual understanding and the search for compromise. Love means giving in to one another. And a spat in a strong union will never affect the relationship itself. So, for example, a husband and wife, who have lived side by side for many years, can quarrel to smithereens while wallpapering and immediately sit down to drink tea, laughing and making fun of each other. Whereas a “in love” girl can “send to hell” her partner just because he bought a bed of the wrong system.

10. Your perspective on your relationship

  • Love. You two are separate individuals. “I-he”, “mine-his”, etc. In your relationship, except for enthusiasm, there is practically nothing in common. The word “we” is not about you, it is not even in the lexicon of your relationship. You can easily go on vacation without him, have dinner without waiting for him from work, or fly to a friend in Italy when he needs your moral support.
  • True love begins with the word “we”. Because you are two halves of one whole, and even each separately you perceive each other as nothing other than “we”, “us”, “us”. You are not burdened by the vacation spent together and even working together, you dine, crawling under one blanket in front of the TV, and stir the sugar in a cup for him while he cuts the sausage for your sandwich.
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11. Selfishness and feelings

  • Love. Behind the interest in the partner and the dedication to him there is a selfish interest. For example, because being next to this broad-shouldered tanned hero with a plump credit card and a shiny expensive car is prestigious (such a new fashion). Or because “even better than none.” Or so that more respectable gentlemen were salivating on her, now inaccessible. Etc. Regardless of the option, you always remain a “girl who is on her own”, and any interference of your partner in your personal space is perceived as a personal insult.
  • True love does not know self-interest. You simply give yourself entirely to your chosen one, opening wide the doors to your heart, home and refrigerator. You do not assert yourself at his expense, but simply love for what he is.

12. Between earth and sky

  • Falling in love is an earthly feeling, presupposing, for the most part, earthly pleasures, thoughts and actions.
  • True love always hovers above the “earth”. There are no barriers for her, any trials are divided in half, and dawns for two and spiritual closeness are dearer than all earthly blessings.

Was there true love in your life? Share with us in the comments!

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