I have never understood people who stay with a person, even if he has a detrimental effect on their fate. Why associate yourself with a guy who does not share your interests and does not treat yourself in the best way? Such relationships usually bring many problems: from the banal loss of time – before depression.
Below are 6 signs that can help prevent toxic relationships from developing.
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1. It needs attention 24 hours a day.
The desire to spend all your free time with the object of adoration can turn into a complete loss of personal space, your own goals and interests for you.
Such sacrifices are rarely appreciated, and always result in a chill in the couple. Usually women are disappointed and begin to reproach their partner for demanding too much attention to himself.
It also gives rise to manipulation, jealousy, total control … Which can hardly be called examples of healthy relationships.
Surprisingly, when you allow each other to meet friends individually, to walk alone and enjoy them to the fullest, then you only get closer. At the same time, neither partner feels anger and resentment, because both of you are full-fledged personalities, and you do not need the constant presence of another person to feel needed and happy.
If you realize that, for example, your work takes too much time, after which you do not have the strength to show care and love in a relationship, then you will have to make a difficult choice.
2. He doesn’t listen to you
Every person wants to be heard and understood, and this is especially important in relationships. Both partners have every right to count on each other’s support and help, this is the meaning of love – to enjoy the fact that you help your person feel better. And to know that in case of problems you can always approach your man, because he not only does not condemn, but also finds the right words, after which all the little things in life will really seem insignificant to you.
If the guy doesn’t even want to know how your day went, such a relationship is unlikely to lead to anything other than disappointment.
But it is worth remembering that, in addition to indifference, there are several more reasons why a partner does not want to maintain the proper level of communication:
He just can’t
In the morning you started a conversation about your boss, during which you remembered a couple more details about a joint vacation in Turkey, later unobtrusively began to talk about the upcoming burning tours, which by the way … And then somewhere in the middle of the monologue, you accidentally discover that the man has disappeared.
The point is, the typical guy’s brain is not designed to discuss several topics at once, so he would be very grateful to you if you could focus on one thing.
He is busy with other things
The guy is not always ready to get distracted from his own affairs for the sake of your conversations. Agree, it is unlikely that the new wallpaper and the move will be more important than the annual report.
To avoid meaningless conflicts, always ask your boyfriend if he is free at this very moment.
If the answer is no, there is no need to get angry and collect things for mom. After completing his own affairs, a man with even greater pleasure will want to listen and support the girl who understands him.
You may have different opinions
No man wants to put on a mask of hypocrisy and agree with you in everything. They prefer to be in the role of the devil’s advocate, who will give an honest opinion on any issue.
Therefore, he is unlikely to have a great desire to enter into a dialogue with you if he sees that you are only waiting for his approval.
3. You cannot introduce him to your loved ones
Of course, it’s not pleasant that your partner doesn’t want to get to know your friends and parents. This may indicate that he is insecure about the seriousness of your relationship, or he is simply afraid of not matching the image of the ideal boyfriend for your loved ones.
In this case, you need to prepare the guy and the parents in advance for an exciting meeting. Explain to relatives that you do not need to go into the jungle of pedigree, and talk about each member of your family. After all, the evening can drag on for a long time, and is unlikely to leave behind pleasant memories.
Also ask not to mention your former relationship, so that your mother does not accidentally hear a reproach like “oh, what kind of flowers did Misha give…”. And, of course, keep the guy out of the questioning with addictions, this includes meticulous questions about the future and salary.
If the lack of initiative manifests itself on your part, then you probably have already put an end to your future life together, and you yourself do not consider your partner a worthy candidate. Then you should not spend time with a person just because you are afraid to spend your whole life alone – this is much worse than just being alone.
4. You don’t feel beautiful and desirable enough.
Leave the person alone with your opinion, if he even allows you to jokingly point out your shortcomings. It is even worse if he does it in the presence of mutual friends.
Criticism is no less destructive for a relationship. Such accusations in the style of “you’re late because you don’t give a damn about me” painfully affect the comfort of both partners – and, in the future, can seriously harm communication with people in principle.
If the source of your problems lies in insecurity and rejection of your body, you need to start working on yourself. After all, there is no happy and harmonious relationship if one of the partners does not value himself as a person, and tries to establish himself at the expense of another person.
To love yourself, you must first love all the mistakes you have made in the past. This is important because most people continue to beat themselves up for things that no longer matter.
Also, stop self-flagellation and try to accept your flaws. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to put up with it and spend the rest of your life on the couch – just cultivate without judging your personality.
5. You have different interests
Of course, everyone has their own personal interests that need to be reckoned with, and your partner doesn’t have to agree with everything you say. But do you have anything in common? If you are fond of art, and regularly visit the Hermitage, and your boyfriend does not even know what a postmodern movement is, then it will obviously be difficult for you to think about joint leisure time.
Many girls at the beginning of a relationship think that their lover is the ideal, but over time, hormones will subside, and reality may not meet your expectations.
To prevent this from happening, try to identify – what exactly brings you together, and makes the butterflies inside literally flutter with delight. This can be, for example, a love of an active lifestyle, the same preferences in music and food.
In some cases, psychologists even advise you to set special days of the week that you can devote to each other.
6. You don’t see a future with a partner
Every relationship has its own term. For some, this is just a non-binding holiday romance, but for others it is the beginning of something serious and eternal. To avoid misunderstandings, try to decide at the beginning of the relationship which future you both aspire to.
What about your outlook on life and long-term goals? A guy can be an inveterate family man who appreciates home comfort, but you, on the contrary, can be a passionate careerist with an active lifestyle.
There is no need to try to change your partner and adjust him to your own standards – in this case, you will receive nothing but disappointment. In addition, it is not at all necessary that everything is the same for you. But, the closer your views on money, children and religion are, the more harmonious the union will turn out.
People rarely change their life principles, so it is better to discuss this topic when we meet.
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