As it is sung in one, well-known to many, song: “The main thing is the weather in the house …”, and this weather is created by a woman. It is on her wisdom and cunning that the atmosphere of the house depends. And, if the husband left the family, then the woman herself is partly to blame. To prevent the head of the family leaving the family, analyze your relationship in advance and do “work on mistakes” – maybe it is still not too late to preserve the marriage and peace in the family.
See also: A son grows up without a father, or how a single mother raise her son as a real man.
8 good reasons why men leave families
After listening to the many stories of husbands who left the family, there are 8 main reasons for this act:
- Loss of interest in a woman
After several years of living together, passion fades away, work and life are sucked in. Family life becomes like Groundhog Day. It is necessary to introduce something new, bright, causing a surge of positive emotions. For example, arrange a romantic dinner, buy tickets for a match of your husband’s favorite team, etc. See also: How to remain a mystery for a man and strengthen relationships?
- Lack of sexual relations
For men, sex is almost the top rung in family relationships. A sexually satisfied man will never look “to the left” and will fulfill almost any whim of his wife. But sex life should be varied. Scheduled sex is not an option either.
As one man says: “A woman sees a manifestation of love in the material values presented to her, and a man in the form of affection and love. I want to be loved. I want my wife to see me as a man, then there will always be sexual desire. ” See also: How to get passion back in a relationship?
- Material difficulties
All men, sooner or later, face material problems: job loss, low wages, etc. And if a spouse at this difficult moment, instead of morally supporting, encouraging, saying that everything will work out, begins to “nag” her husband, then a quarrel is inevitable. As a result, the husband “gives up” to do something at all, the wife with a vengeance splashes out her displeasure on her husband and that’s it – the marriage is over. A wise wife, on the contrary, with the help of affection, warm words, support, will make her husband have new ideas, new horizons and a higher level of income.
- Character differences
Different views on life, disrespect for each other, inability to restrain their emotions, unwillingness to give in, quarrels on domestic grounds (did not put the cup in place, scattered socks, chomps at the table). Such seemingly trifles can serve as a pretext for a grandiose and everyday scandal. And even the most loving husband will eventually get tired of constant scandals, quarrels and reproaches. And why not sit down and peacefully discuss what everyone does not like in each other. Not hush up problems, but discuss them and come to a compromise. A woman needs to try to make her husband happy to return home, so that he is not attracted to friends, but to his family – this is the guarantee of a strong marriage.
- Woman’s appearance
Some married women stop taking care of themselves. They think she got married – now he will not go anywhere from me. A fat figure, gray hair, lack of makeup – this hardly attracts your husband to you. Remember how beautiful you were before you got married. Pull yourself together and tidy up. From a well-groomed, blooming woman who can compromise and love her husband, the husband will never leave.
- Family values
A married woman should be able to find a common language with her husband’s relatives. If the mother-in-law is on your side, becomes your ally, then you will already have 20% of success in married life. And if your relationship with your husband is already “by a thread,” and then his mother “adds fuel to the fire,” then that’s all – the marriage is over. Learn to get along with your husband’s mother, with his other relatives (brothers, sisters), then even with your family disagreements, they will strive to reconcile you.
- Male leader
Remember that a man is essentially a leader. If the wife does not want to make a concession to her husband in anything, constantly insists on her own, then the husband, or turn into a “rag” or just the man wants to leave the family. Make him feel that he is a man, he is a winner, he is the main one in the family. Do not forget that in a family the man is the head, and the woman is the neck, and where the neck turns, the head will rush there.
This is almost the very last reason on the main list. According to statistics, only 10% of married couples break up precisely for this reason. Although, if you look at the essence of the problem, cheating does not arise just like that, out of the blue, it is the result of dissatisfaction with one of the partners in family life.
Abandoned women often wonder why do men leave their families… Here is the story of one of them. From her story it is clear what mistakes she made and, perhaps, having analyzed the situation, she will still be able to return her husband and father to her children.
Olga: The husband found himself another. For two months now he has been walking with her. He was going to rent an apartment with her and said that he was filing for divorce. He says that the mistress has nothing to do with it, that he was going to leave the family two years ago. I admit, I am largely to blame: I often sawed, there was no harmony in sex. He doesn’t even want to go out with me – he is ashamed. After giving birth, I recovered greatly and with three children completely neglected myself, turned into a zachukhanka. And he can afford to drink beer after work, sleep peacefully at night – he has to go to work! And I run midnight to a small child – I’m sitting at home! So, girls, appreciate what you have …
Why do men leave their families – says a legal psychologist, Bologny expert, Kristina Averina
When I communicate with men in the framework of forensic examinations, which I carry out on behalf of the court, I never cease to be amazed at the thematic expanse of reasons why their families fell apart, as well as examples of the elasticity of truth.
Despite the fact that Leo Tolstoy very accurately noticed about the individuality of the unhappiness of families, one can still name three main reasons due to which he destroys the fragile world of family life.
Firstly, due to the mismatch or incompatibility of family values and traditions… We all, if, of course, we were lucky, were brought up in our families, which had our own way of life, our own attitude to what was happening outside, our own culture of communication and relations with each other. So just imagine when two loving hearts meet, whose upbringing and personal development took place in completely different cultures, different planes of life.
For example, in the girl’s family it was customary to celebrate some family events widely and in large numbers, to set endless intricate tables, creative interventions in the life of relatives were allowed, and not only with warm advice. And her chosen one, on the contrary, was brought up in an emotionally restrained atmosphere, and his parents were very selective in communication and preferred to solve issues on their own, not providing information delicacies to the environment and even relatives.
With such a polar version of upbringing, inevitable quarrels and tension are predicted, which, ultimately, can lead to a break in relations. By the way, it is precisely because of the difference in culture and approaches in upbringing that there are so many unhappy marriages with foreigners.
Expert story: He left her because she did not share his interests, incl. related to his family. It was important for a man to visit his parents every weekend and spend time with them. At first, she went, but she was disgusted by the manner of communication of his father, who allowed himself not only folklore statements from the category of obscene, but also pejoratively address her. She stopped going to her husband’s parental home, conflicts began to arise between them more and more often and … he left for another. And when the ex-wife filed a lawsuit to determine the order of communication with their daughter, the ex-husband wrote a statement on the deprivation of his parental rights, the text of which was filled with vivid emotions.
Secondly, because of the different attitude to money. This reason is also associated with the family structure in which we were brought up in childhood. Who was responsible in your family for the formation of the family budget? How were the issues of large purchases for the needs of the family resolved? How and what gifts were made? And who paid for family vacations, vacation trips? The list of questions, as you understand, is open-ended. Therefore, when the life scenario on this issue does not coincide, then a break in relations is also inevitable.
I remember one examination in a case in which the father tried to determine the place of residence of his son together with him. Prior to this trial, the spouse paid off the mortgage, a loan for a decent car, which he now drives, and while she was on the next flight (she worked for Russian Railways), he filed a lawsuit for divorce. As the reason for the divorce, he indicated that he was tired of her constant claims. In fact, he simply did not want to work, and he needed a son so that his ex-wife would pay alimony, the amount of which would not be small.
As a third reason, disharmony in sexual relations should be indicated, which inevitably leads to adultery, often to cruel attitude and complete misunderstanding. In addition to these reasons, you can also point to the unwillingness of men to take responsibility for what is happening in the family.
Often, such a development of a life scenario happens when a sick child is born in the family, or the spouse’s health condition deteriorates sharply. The reasons for this behavior should also be sought in the history of his development in childhood. Often a man repeats the experience of his father, who at one time left the family when his mother became seriously ill or began to drink, and then simply disappeared into the vastness of the Motherland. And a man who grew up without a father, overcame the bitterness of separation from him, admits that his child, like himself, will be able to survive his absence.
What to do so that your husband never leaves you – told family psychologist Alevtina Rumyantseva
Men are very lazy to make any changes in their lives. It is easier for them to start intrigues on the side than to rebuild what they have invested so much time and effort into, to divide property, to injure children. If a man still decided to leave, then you need to understand that this decision is not emotional, but thoughtful and balanced.
More often, they are based on new feelings for another woman and less often when a man simply leaves for nowhere or for his mother, from whom he has not separated. Therefore, I would put the question differently: why a man is no longer interested in his wife. Because a woman, when she becomes a mother, her focus shifts to children.
She turns from a woman into a mother. First to my children, and then to my husband. A woman loses her seductiveness, a man loses interest in her. She subconsciously begins to feel that the man is moving away, but she is not aware of this with her mind. And he begins to make claims against him and take offense on various everyday issues. Although the basis is just her dissatisfaction with her husband. After all, if her husband, as before, wore flowers and complimented her, it is unlikely that she would have nailed him.
It is important for a woman to realize that after he fought for a mammoth in the outside world, a man wants to come home and relax. Receive care and attention, tenderness, affection. And here he has a mountain of claims. The woman will say that she also works a lot, takes care of children and where to get the strength for everything. Yes, but this is a matter of priorities. This needs to be learned by changing consciousness. I see now how much time women devote to their children, where they should be given more freedom.
If a woman does not learn to give a man what he needs, he will find another way to get it. And you also need to learn to tell your husband about your desires and needs. When the needs of two are mutually satisfied, then no one will go anywhere.
And what are the reasons for a man’s departure from the family do you know? We would be grateful for your feedback!
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