Do you really love yourself?

How a woman is supposed to love and appreciate herself “correctly” was not written except by a lazy one. And only another lazy person hasn’t made fun of it all, because all the variety of content on this topic comes down, in fact, to one thing:

• learn to thank;
• please yourself with gifts;
• indulge in pleasant procedures;
• do meditation;
• light the aroma lamp;
• devote yourself at least 20 minutes a day;
• be positive and don’t forget to sign up for some personal effectiveness courses.

Yes, many make fun of this nonsense, but only a few offer something concrete, efficient and effective in return. And the main principle of constructive criticism is as follows: if you criticize something, be kind, suggest an alternative or tell me how best to do it.

Love is a feeling and an action

Techniques, techniques that help in practice to develop self-love, do exist. To begin with, it is important to understand what this expression means in general – “to love yourself.” Without going deep into reasoning about what love is, let us recall two main approaches to this phenomenon.

Some thinkers argue that love is a feeling, others that action. Probably, both are right in their own way.

Feelings are not easy to manage. However, we can track them. Some of my clients admitted that they tried not to look in the mirror once again – they did not want to see themselves. When a woman, at the mere thought of her reflection, feels dislike, disgust, disgust, of course, there is no need to talk about self-love.

But many people find it difficult to track and interpret their feelings and emotions. It is more useful here to remember that love is also an action. So what actions should the person who loves take?

To understand all the nuances of this activity, let’s turn to an analogy. Let’s take a look at how a mother’s love for her child is manifested. Even if you have no children and you do not understand the state of maternal love, imagine two completely strangers, unfamiliar to you women with children. Imagine that you have the opportunity to observe how these women interact with their children for 10-15 minutes. After 15 minutes, it will become completely clear to you which mother loves her child and which does not.

How do you know that a mother is showing love to her child? When I suggest this exercise to my clients, the answers are usually:

• she listens to him;
• she asks about what happened;
• she is interested in what interests him;
• she answers his questions and patiently explains what he does not understand;
• she makes sure that he was warm and comfortable;
• she makes time for him;
• she is sensitive to his needs;
• she seeks to feed him something tasty and healthy;
• she can deny him something if it is to his detriment;
• it ensures his safety, protects him;
• she keeps him healthy;
• she supports him (including physically, for example, if the child fell or decided to take a nap);
• she plays with him, fools around, has fun.

And, you know, it sounds very, very logical. And somehow … for real. And all this can be learned.

Now, just for the sake of experiment, imagine this picture: a mother needs to take care of her child, but all she does is teach him to meditate, give thanks and lie in a bubble bath. Funny? It would be funny if it weren’t sad. For such “care” you can lose parental rights.

All the best for your inner child

You may ask: is it advisable to compare love for oneself and the love of a parent for a child? The answer is yes. Our self-love is truly akin to a parent-child relationship. Whether it is healthy or toxic depends on the condition of our Inner Parent and Inner Child. We can say that “self-love” is how we relate from the state of the Inner Parent to our Inner Child.

It is no coincidence that they say: “All the best for children”. A loving parent (real or “inner”) in a constructive way also tries to provide the child with what he considers best. A child can receive gifts, new clothes, toys, sweets … for what? For nothing. A child can be dressed up in a beautiful outfit not on a holiday, but simply because you want to admire him. The child is an excuse in itself.

New Years test

An adult who does not love himself is not such a reason for himself. And if in everyday life this may not manifest itself very strongly, then holidays or some significant events, events put everything in its place. It is moments like this – including the New Year – that can become the most accurate test of self-love.

To “test” yourself, think about whether there are any special or special items in your home and wardrobe?

They should be distinguished from each other.

Special things are meant for specific circumstances. For example, a tree is specially bought for the New Year and under other conditions will be inappropriate. An evening dress or business suit is also specially selected based on a particular dress code. Swimsuit is special swimwear and guest slippers are slippers purchased especially for guests.

Special things are things that you can wear on a normal day, you can use it, but it’s a pity. It can be a beautiful tea set, a more expensive perfume, beautiful underwear (which is worn on a date or at a doctor’s appointment). Very often special things are obtained from somewhere out of closets just in connection with a holiday or with “going out to the people.” As a rule, there is a high probability that such special things will be seen by other people (and when others do not see, then “it will just do”).

Everyone has special things – they should be. But if you have “special” things, chances are your self-love is questionable. Special things give out the following logic: “Alone with myself, I can see what more worthy and better people are not supposed to see. To others, I will demonstrate what they (worthy) will enjoy looking at. It is for more significant (than I am for myself) people that I will wear or will use some things. “ If there are no other people in the environment, then the role of “reason” for special things can go to an event, a holiday.

So, if on New Year’s Eve you take out some special plates and glasses, put on underwear in which you just don’t go to the grocery store, or do your cleaning very carefully, most likely it’s time to think: why are you not so much for yourself and a significant (and therefore beloved) person?

Sometimes I hear such objections to this: “But I can’t go to the store every day in that lacy lingerie, which is so beautiful but uncomfortable!” Of course you can’t. The question is something else: why do you generally put up with some uncomfortable underwear for the sake of a holiday or a date in this case? Beauty requires sacrifice? The beautiful can be both beautiful and comfortable. However, you have to search. And it will come out more expensive. But you do remember – “All the best …”. Loving parents do not save on children. And they certainly will not dress up the baby in tight lace, which will bite into the skin, but it will look spectacular. Love is inseparable from caring.

New Year or the most common Monday – it doesn’t matter! The one who loves himself will wear something that will delight both the eye and the body; what will be comfortable and pleasant; what will talk about care and will not be calculated on prying eyes.

Have you found “special” items? Make yourself a wonderful New Year’s gift – make these things everyday! Let the best set delight you every morning. Because there is a reason for this joy – it’s you.