Every loving parent dreams of being loved and respected by children. But is it possible to achieve children’s respect just by being a parent? Of course not. COLADY psychologists and educators shared the basic principles of parenting that every parent should know.
Learn how to become an authority for your child. Remember these parenting principles so you can build strong friendships based on trust with your children.
What is an authoritative parent for a child? Psychologist told Zulfiya Salyakhutdinova
Parental authority is a condition of a parent when his words and actions are taken seriously by the child. This is a state when the parent is, so to speak, taller and larger than the child, when the parent is an adult.
How is parental authority manifested in the norm?
The child understands that you are in charge, that making decisions on important issues is not on him. The norm, when the parent does not go into the position of the child himself when interacting with him, does not go into strong negative emotions, into resentment against the child.
That is, it is important to be an adult parent:
- emotionally stable, withstanding the child’s tantrums / emotions;
- able to be in contact, hearing the opinion of the child;
- to be in the eyes of the child those who can cope with their worries on their own, not to burden the child with this. Parental authority is formed in a child at preschool age.
If a false authority has been formed, various difficulties arise.
Signs of impaired parental authority. Something went wrong if the child:
- does not sleep separately from the parent in his bedroom (after 3-4 years);
- enters the parent’s room without knocking;
- constantly interrupts conversations of adults (this is how he gets attention);
- does not respond to a parent’s comment;
- hysterical as soon as he does not get what he wants.
Here are some tips on how to fix the situation:
- Realize that you are parents. And parents are adults. When you argue or take offense at the child, you automatically take the position of the child within yourself. That is why he does not listen to you.
- Be sure to take into account the needs of the child, but do not indulge all his desires in a row.
- Accept your child as he is. Separate the attitude towards him as a person as a whole from the assessment of his deed.
- An authoritative parent is an adult who also knows how to educate himself. Therefore, if there are difficulties, put on the mask first on yourself and only then on the child.
How to become an authority for your child – 10 tips from psychologist, expert Bologny, Irina Barbat
For a child, authority is, in fact, the person whom the child trusts, whose actions are clear to the child and do not cause controversy. A parent who has an authoritative parenting style can easily become authoritative. Not authoritarian, but authoritative. This style of upbringing is characterized by the fact that the upbringing process is dominated by: respect for the child, acceptance of the child as a person.
What should a parent do to become an authority?
- Respect your child, recognize his personality. Ask for his opinion, ask for advice.
- Give your child the right to be independent. Encourage his actions and decisions made on his own.
- Always give your child a choice. Do not point strictly to any one action, let the child choose. Even if you knowingly offer an option that the child does not choose, a choice situation will be created.
- Teach your child to take responsibility for his independent decisions and actions. Instill the notion that responsibility for his life is in his hands.
- Never criticize your child, especially in public. Don’t be labeled. Try to explain to the child his behavior, what can be corrected in him.
- If you deny something to the child, then always explain to him your motives. So that he understands why you made this decision.
- Be sincere. Don’t lie to your child. Speak the truth.
- Be consistent. Make sure that what you say is consistent with what you do. Children perceive actions, not words. It is important for trust that words are supported by actions.
- Never let your child ignore you. If you invited your child to have breakfast, and he does not go, as he is playing on the phone, you should not yell several times and wait for him to come. Come yourself and tell him that you will wait for him. And don’t go, just stand by. The child will finish his affairs very quickly, as children do not like such close supervision.
- Don’t be shy or hide the fact that you are not perfect. On the contrary, tell your child about your mistakes, failures. Talk about your feelings, emotions, and how you experienced the situation.
Try to be a friend on whom the child can always count and from whom will not expect betrayal. Love your child and tell him about it.
How to make children respect you – said psychologist Tatiana Sham
Is it possible to MAKE children respect themselves? No.
Forget about any kind of violence if you feel that the child does not respect you. It is very difficult to correct the loss of respect; the easiest way is to be an authority for the child from the very beginning.
What should a parent do to gain the respect of children?
- Word = deed. If you promise, do it, no matter what the cost. If you can’t deliver, don’t promise.
- Do what you ask the child to do yourself. Children are not fools and can see duplicity very well, even when they are very young.
- Never lie to a child.
- Never lie to others in front of a child.
- You can raise your voice to a child only as a last resort, if something threatens him.
- Play with your child, spend time talking together. Parents often forget that they love those they know well. And when the parents are strangers – why report to them?
- The five-minute rule: at each meeting with a child, devote at least 5 minutes to him alone. Let him tell you about his day as you walk from kindergarten or school. At home, his story will have lost many of the details. And talk about yourself, your affairs, of course, in a positive way, showing how you coped with the situation, what conclusions you made.
- Fairy tales are the basis for communication with preschoolers. Through a fairy tale, our ancestors laid out the correct attitudes in the heads of their children.
- Obligatory hugs every day, touching.
- Trust in your child. Tell him about it that you trust him. And he will trust you in return.
- They love those they care about. Let your child take care of you and other family members. Otherwise, he will grow up indifferent to the family.
- Get creative together. When children see how their parents are doing something and it is interesting, beautiful, unusual – respect is born by itself.
I have hundreds of examples of my students, when, starting to draw with the child, parents saw how the relationship changed, and not only between the child and the parent, but also between the parent and the child. This also applies to joint activities of grandmothers with grandchildren. Respect is like love – it is not a goal, but a daily work and process. And let it bring you pleasure!
Are you an authority over your children? Share with us in the comments!
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