How to distinguish love from emotional addiction?

Oleg Torsunov Once at his lecture he said to a woman:

“If you had true love for your husband, then you would wish him happiness with another woman to whom he left. After all, he told you 100 times that he was better with her than with you. But you want to enjoy this man, so you think that he will be better with you and therefore want to return. This is not love”.

Phrase “I can not live without you” does not always express love. It can also mean that you are simply needed, or that you are in desperate need of someone.

Emotional addiction is a state when a person thinks that he will not be able to live normally without his partner, or that he will never find happiness without him.

Emotionally dependent people require constant attention, approval and support, because they cannot support and motivate themselves. They want to fill their inner void at the expense of another person. In addition, some people are so afraid of loneliness that they agree to any relationship, even if it means losing themselves and their identity.

Let’s take a look at 6 differences between love and emotional addiction:

1. Love = trust

If this is love, you do not worry when your partner actively communicates with other people, because trust is the basis of love. When emotionally addicted, you feel jealous or even threatened that these people are stealing your partner’s time and attention, which should only be yours.

At the same time, your self-esteem is mainly determined by the attitude of your partner towards you. And if, for example, he leaves for a few days or leaves for a reunion, you lose peace of mind, draw scary scenarios in your head and constantly worry.

2. Love = acceptance

If this is love, you live yourself and let others live. Love is acceptance and understanding. With emotional addiction, you try to pretend to be who you are not, and you also expect your partner to behave in a certain way.

When you depend on a person, you also try to adjust and change yourself according to their preferences, needs and whims. In other words, you allow him to direct, define, and control your life.

3. Love = happiness

If this is love, you are quite happy and content with yourself. You feel confident and self-sufficient. In a dependent relationship, you feel just the opposite: unhappy, emotional, or overly anxious. You have self-doubt, anxiety about the past, fears and complexes.

When you are emotionally dependent on your partner, you will always demand comfort, recognition, and validation from them.

4. Love = compromises

If this is love, you want to solve problems together and know how to listen to each other. Love is hard work and a willingness to compromise, because you are bound to have contradictions, disagreements and even mood swings, but you are trying to find a common language and cope with any situation.

When you are addicted, you obey your partner’s opinion and do not voice your point of view. You surrender, obey and agree with the dominance and pressure of your partner. Your views are never taken into account because you are too afraid to defend them.

5. Love = development

If this is love, you grow and develop as a person. When you are emotionally dependent on another person, you stop being yourself and give up your aspirations and dreams.

In a dependent relationship, your entire world revolves around your partner. You can only think and care about his preferences and needs. You also try to justify his bad behavior and sometimes hide his inappropriate behavior from others. In love, the opposite is true: you help each other become the best version of yourself.

6. Love = joy

If this is love, you are full of positivity. When you are emotionally addicted, negative thoughts and feelings become overwhelming. You feel like a worn out, tense and hunted creature. Sometimes you want to end such a destructive relationship, but you lack the courage and determination.

On the other hand, true love fills you with joy and happiness, your worldview changes for the better, and you are in harmony with yourself.