At all times, raising a child without a father has been a difficult task. And if a mother is raising a son alone, it is doubly more difficult. Of course, I want the baby to become a real man.
But how to do this if you are a mom? What mistakes shouldn’t be made?
The main example for a son is always a father. It is he who, by his own behavior, shows the boy that it is impossible to offend women, that the weak need protection, that the man is the breadwinner and breadwinner in the family, that courage and willpower must be nurtured from the cradle.
Father’s personal example – this is the model of behavior that the child copies. And a son who grows up only with his mother is deprived of this example.
Today COLADY psychologists will tell you how to raise a boy without a father so that he grows up as a real man.
A boy growing up without a father – possible problems
First, one should consider the attitude of the mother herself to her son, her role in upbringing, because the future character of the son depends on the harmony of upbringing.
A mother raising a boy without a father may be:
Constant concern for the child, stress, inconsistent punishments / rewards. The atmosphere will be turbulent for the son.
As a result – anxiety, tearfulness, moodiness, etc. Naturally, this will not benefit the child’s psyche.
The stereotyped “mottos” of such mothers are “My child!”, “I gave birth to myself,” “I will give him what I did not have.” This attitude leads to the absorption of the child’s personality. He may simply not see an independent life, because the mother herself will feed him, dress him, choose friends, a girl and a university, ignoring the child’s own desires. Such a mother cannot avoid disappointment – the child, in any case, will not justify her hopes and will break out from under the wing. Or she will completely ruin his psyche, raising a son who is not able to live independently and be responsible for anyone.
A mother who piously believes in her righteousness and in her actions exclusively for the good of the child. Any kid’s whim is a “riot on the ship”, which is harshly suppressed. The baby will sleep and eat when the mother says, no matter what. The cry of a frightened child left alone in the room is not a reason for such a mother to rush to him with kisses. The authoritarian mom creates a barracks-like atmosphere.
Consequences? The kid grows up withdrawn, emotionally depressed, with an immense baggage of aggression, which in adulthood can easily transform into misogyny.
Such a mother is tired and depressed all the time. He rarely smiles, there is not enough strength for the child, the mother avoids communication with him and perceives the upbringing of the child as a hard labor and a burden that she had to shoulder. Deprived of warmth and love, a child grows up closed, mental development is late, the feeling of love for the mother simply has nothing to form.
The prospect is not happy.
What is her portrait? Probably everyone knows the answer: this is a cheerful, attentive and caring mother who does not put pressure on the child with her authority, does not throw her problems of her failed personal life onto him, perceives him as he is. It minimizes demands, prohibitions and punishments, because respect, trust, encouragement are more important. The basis of upbringing is to recognize the independence and individuality of the baby from the cradle.
The role of the father in raising the boy
In addition to the relationship, upbringing and atmosphere in an incomplete family, the boy also faces other problems:
- The mathematical ability of men is always higher than that of women. They are more inclined to thinking and analysis, to sorting out on shelves, to constructing, etc. They are less emotional, and the work of the mind is directed not at people, but at things. The absence of a dad significantly affects the development of these abilities in a son. And the “mathematical” problem is not connected with material difficulties and the atmosphere of “fatherlessness”, but with the lack of an intellectual atmosphere that a man usually creates in a family.
- The desire to study, to education, the formation of interests are also absent or reduced in such children. An active business dad usually spurs the baby up, aiming him at success, to match the image of a successful man. If there is no dad, there is no one to take an example from. This does not mean that the child is doomed to grow up weak, cowardly, inactive. With the right mother’s approach, there is every chance to raise a worthy man.
- Gender identity disorder is another problem. Of course, this is not about the fact that the son, instead of the bride, will definitely bring the groom home. But the child does not observe the model of behavior “man + woman”. As a result, correct behavioral skills are not formed, one’s “I” is lost, violations occur in the natural system of values and relationships with the opposite sex. A crisis in gender identity occurs in a child at 3-5 years old and in adolescence. The main thing is not to miss this moment.
- The father is a kind of bridge for the child to the outside world. Mom is more inclined to narrow as much as possible the world itself, accessible to the child, social circle, practical experience. The father erases these frames for the child – this is the nature’s rule. The father allows, lets go, provokes, does not lisp, does not try to adapt to the child’s psyche, speech and perception – he communicates on equal terms, thereby paving the way for his son to independence and maturity.
- Raised only by a mother, a child often “goes to extremes” developing in themselves either female character traits, or distinguished by an excess of “masculinity”.
- One of the problems of boys from single-parent families – lack of understanding of parental responsibilities. And as a consequence – a negative impact on the personal maturation of their children.
- The man who appears at the mother’s place is met with hostility by the child. Because the family for him is only a mother. And the stranger next to her does not fit into the usual picture.
How to raise a boy without a father – advice for single mothers from clinical psychologist, expert in parent-child relations Elena Kalen
Do you want to raise your son successful, but you have to do it alone? Perhaps it so happened that the father does not show a desire to communicate and has to take all the worries on himself. Let’s look at how a woman can raise a boy to be a real man.
Can a woman single-handedly raise a boy to a real man
In a situation where a child grows up without a father, some women begin to blame the absent dad for all the troubles and feel sorry for themselves. In this case, the boy feels guilty for being a future man. He can grow up withdrawn and insecure.
Or there is a completely opposite situation. To compensate for the lack of communication with the father, the mother takes on absolutely all the worries, does not ask the child for help and protects him from all problems. In this case, he gets used to relying on her in everything. Growing up, a man can be infantile and unprepared for life.
To create suitable conditions for the upbringing of a real man, it is important for a mother to work on her attitude to the current situation, to live in the present and not to condemn the child’s father.
5 rules for raising a boy alone
To raise your son as a worthy man and a good person, it is important to adhere to the following rules:
- Rule 1. Do not prohibit communicating with your father. If the dad wants to see the child, then it is best to allow him to participate in the upbringing at least on the weekend. When this is not possible, it is advisable to make sure that the son has a male role model. This could be a grandfather, a family friend, or a coach.
- Rule 2. Encourage masculinity and emphasize strength. Mom should tell the boy how to behave in society. For example, give way to elders, let girls go ahead. In addition, you can read fairy tales that emphasize masculinity and heroism.
- Rule 3. Respect his opinion. When a boy tells something, it is advisable to listen to him completely. If there are any questions that you want to discuss together, then you can also ask him for advice. You should not take too much care of the child, especially in those moments when he takes the initiative and the intention to help you.
- Rule 4. Give him the opportunity to feel like a part of the male world. To do this, you can take the child to the sports section, hire a coach, or ask someone from the male environment to teach the boy about male activities.
- Rule 5. Teach to keep your word. It is advisable to explain to the child – if he promised something, then you need to do it. It is also a good idea to show the consequences of broken promises. Thus, from childhood, the child will learn responsibility and will appreciate his own words and relationships with other people.
Let’s draw conclusions:
- a mom can raise a successful man alone. To do this, she herself, first of all, should change her attitude towards the situation.
- even if the father does not want to communicate, it is important to find men in the environment who will become an example for the baby.
- the most important thing for a successful upbringing is to support the child’s initiative and respect his opinion.
It must be remembered that even if the baby’s mother is ideal, the best in the world, the absence of a father still affects the child, who will always feel deprived of his father’s love. To raise a boy without a father as a real man, a mother needs to make every effort to properly shape the role of a future man, and also rely on male support in raising her son among loved ones.
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