How to stop being shy and overcome shyness
Shy people always suffer from their shyness. Even if they don’t realize it. Moreover, they, as a rule, do not turn to specialists precisely because of shyness.
This vicious circle does not allow them to become free people and improve their own lives. Although many argue that shyness has its own charm …
The content of the article:
- What is shyness, shyness, how is it manifested?
- Is shyness, shyness always a disadvantage?
- Overcome your shyness in 10 easy steps!
- Who should you contact for help if you can’t cope with the problem?
What is shyness and shyness – where did they come from, and how do they manifest?
The term “shyness” refers to the inability to express themselves clearly and openly, without fear, and express their interests.
Usually this condition develops on the basis of complex “little man”, in which this person experiences a sense of guilt for the inconvenience caused to others, considers himself uninteresting to society, and so on.
But if you dig even deeper, shyness goes hand in hand with cowardice, self-doubt, fear, insecurity and false modesty.
Video: Shyness is the cause of failure
False shyness – or true shyness?
It is important to distinguish true shyness from notoriousness! When a person is embarrassed because the embarrassing actions that the situation demands go beyond their moral boundaries, this is dignified shyness and completely normal behavior.
It’s another matter when a person’s shyness begins to take the form of noticeable self-doubt – this phenomenon definitely needs to be fought.
If not on their own, then with the help of specialists.
The main reasons for shyness are usually:
- Fear. Fear of rejection, condemnation, misunderstanding, etc.
- Low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence.
- Dependence on someone else’s opinion and self-doubt.
- The presence of complexes.
- Closed character, isolation.
- Loneliness, isolation from society… Lack of basic skills required for fluent communication.
- Genetics and parenting example… Shy, notorious parents often have equally shy, notorious children.
- Experienced psychological trauma, fear of communicating with others.
- The abundance of criticism in the family, constant humiliation and life in prohibitions, “puritanical” education.
And so on.
Studying the causes of shyness, we can confidently say that shyness is based mainly on human insecurity, internal restraint caused by specific factors. And the question – to treat or not to treat shyness – disappears by itself.
If we are not talking about normal behavior for a well-educated and worthy person, which is expressed in healthy embarrassment, as a reaction to this or that “unhealthy” situation, then we are talking about shyness, which can and should be eradicated, gradually changing it to self-confidence, the right to speak, think and act as your heart and head tell you.
Is shyness, shyness always a disadvantage: negative and positive aspects
The advantages of shyness include the following advantages (if we talk about shyness as a side of character, and not as a result of psycho-trauma and complexes):
- Shy people are highly sensitive natures… Their friendship and love are always strong and indestructible. If a shy person has found the strength to confide and open up, it means that he raised his “visor” and let his feelings go into free flight. And the power of feelings of a closed person is always powerful, and this “tsunami” (without fail) is preceded by a thorough analysis – is it really possible to open up and trust a partner (friend).
- Shyness makes a person be more careful., which means more attentive and less vulnerable.
- A shy person is self-critical and is able to form a more adequate assessment of his own “I”.
- Shyness strengthens family relationships and even enhances the fullness of sensations in intimate life (many men note excitement, which is caused by the shyness of a woman).
- Shy people are often ranked among the secular, sophisticated, aristocratic… Shyness puts a person in a favorable light – as serious, modest, not causing harm and pain to other people, not capable of “dirty tricks.”
- Shy people are more choosy about their friends. and the social circle in general.
- Shy people listen more, talk less, avoid conflict, discretion and discretion.
- Shy people don’t stand out from the crowd.they seem to be wearing shyness masks that allow them to remain anonymous.
Among the disadvantages of shyness:
- Without a certain amount of arrogance and assertiveness in this world, it is difficult to make your way.
- Shy people find it difficult to climb the career ladder – they are simply not noticed.
- The personal life of shy people is a separate topic. For the same reason.
- Despite the love of men for shy girls, in fact, they pay attention more often to relaxed and self-confident ladies.
- Shy people do not know how to say “no”, which is why they often hang extra work on them, borrow and do not give them back, and so on.
- A shy person has great difficulty solving problems that require communication with strangers.
- Shy people are often deprived of the classic joys of relaxation, because they are too shy to sing, dance, express their emotions in general. And emotions that were not thrown out in time are once grouped into severe depression and neurasthenia.
- Shy people are too vulnerable and too sensitive, they react very painfully to any reproach, criticism, or comments about their shortcomings.
- Shy people are closer to the world of illusions – fantasies, dreams, movies and book novels than the real “cruel” world. As a consequence, there is a lack of an adequate assessment of reality as a whole. A shy person who is unable to adequately assess people and relationships is often the victim of deception and more serious actions.
Video: How to Stop Being Shy? | Shyness
How to overcome shyness in 10 easy steps – tips that really work
To fight or not to fight shyness?
Definitely – to fight! Moreover, if it interferes with you in life, and you yourself are aware of this.
How to fight?
Many books have been written on this topic and no fewer films have been shot, but we will highlight the main advice of experts separately – in 10 simple steps to help you cope with this “disease” and gain self-confidence:
- We do what we fear the most. We take a pen, write a list of all situations in which your shyness manifests itself. Let’s start with the most serious ones. For example, “to speak at the institute in front of everyone,” or “to meet a young man on the street,” or “to go to a dance school,” and so on. Have you written a list? And now, strictly point by point, starting from the very first, we knock out a wedge with a wedge! We are preparing a lecture and speaking with it at the institute. Then we meet on the street. Then we sign up for a dance school, etc. If it’s difficult, you can start from the end of the list, from the easiest situations.
- We keep a diary of observations. Carry a notebook with you and write down every situation that triggers your embarrassment and anxiety. At home, sort out these situations and analyze why you were embarrassed and what to do so that it does not happen again. For example: “Situation – ask the driver to stop the minibus; The reason for the embarrassment is that people will pay attention; The level of embarrassment is 5 points out of 10 “, and now we are looking for a way – to cope with the anxiety.
- Self-confidence can be simulated! Over time, you will get involved, you will like it, and you can be confident in yourself quite sincerely.
- Speak little, slowly, and loudly. Train at home. Sign up for a theater group – it liberates even the most shy people.
- Nobody cares about you! Remember this. In fact, people deeply don’t care what you are wearing, whether your voice is trembling, whether you are worried, and so on. So worrying about people who don’t give a damn about you just doesn’t make sense.
- Love yourself for who you are. Get rid of complexes. Confident people do not waste time worrying that they are short, narrow shoulders, teeth that are not too white, burr or anything else. Self-confident people accept themselves as nature created them.
- Smile, gentlemen! A smile is always a sign of a confident person. Start in the morning with the mirror. Then smile at passers-by, neighbors, colleagues, and so on. And be sure to look the person in the eye when you smile. In response, people start smiling too (90% of the time), and your self-confidence will grow by leaps and bounds along with your mood.
- Sign up in the section, in the circleswhere you will be forced to communicate with people and constantly struggle with shyness.
- Attend group thematic trainingsthat hold for shy people to help them cope with shyness.
- Change the environment often. Travel constantly. Create situations for yourself in which you have to go beyond the usual boundaries and crawl out of your comfortable sink.
Video: How to finally stop being shy?
And also …
- Look for motivation! For example, a career. Or a loved one. Or a dream – to dance tango on stage.
- Analyze your life and find the reasons for your shyness.
- Study other people’s experiences in the fight against shyness.
- Develop a sense of humor – it helps to maintain inner balance even in the most extreme situations.
- Fight your fears: study your fears under a magnifying glass, simulate situations of getting rid of fears.
- Do more stupid things and get cocky… For example, buy yourself a motorcycle instead of a car. Or sing a song on your balcony in the middle of the night – loudly for everyone to hear. Change your image drastically so that everyone is stunned by what kind of fatal beauty you are. Invite someone you like for a walk.
- Go in for sports… Sport not only gives beautiful forms, but also strengthens the spirit, and also raises self-esteem. Sign up immediately with the gym and look for a trainer who will teach you not only to create a sculpted body, but to be yourself.
- Constantly ask passers-by – how long and how to get to house number 14… It doesn’t matter that you have a watch, and there is no house number 14 on this street – just ask. Every day – 20-30 times, regardless of gender and age.
What to do if you can’t cope with painful shyness, who to turn to for help?
Every 10th person on the planet experiences an extreme degree of shyness. This every 10th shy fellow can only feel at ease at home, alone.
Of course, it is extremely difficult to cure this “ailment” only by sports, if the disease has already reached the level “I cannot call an ambulance because I am shy.”
Therefore, if your shyness is already overstepping all conceivable boundaries, then you also need a comprehensive and powerful treatment. And without the help of specialists, most likely, it will not work.
Who and what can help you – and guide you in the right direction?
- Experts providing recommendations remotely – online.
- Group trainings.
- Special books with practical guides.
- Themed films that charge you with positive, teach you how to fight shyness and tune you to exploits.
Don’t try to get rid of shyness in a month. This process can drag on for a year. But gradually, step by step, with regular exercises, which have long been written by experienced psychologists, you will get rid of this deficiency.
Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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