Myths and truths about incompatibility of partners – a real problem, or a convenient excuse to leave?
The dream of every woman is to meet the very soul mate with whom you can create a happy family and live “in sorrow and joy” until the very gray hairs. And the half really once “knocks on your door”, but not everyone succeeds in living together until the very gray hairs – some family boats go to the bottom. And all because there is no “foundation” of relations – compatibility between spouses.
What is it, and how to find harmony in marriage?
The content of the article:
- Signs of compatibility and harmony in marriage
- Factors of psychological compatibility of partners
- Signs of incompatibility in a relationship
- Reasons for incompatibility – who is to blame?
- What if the family boat rolls over?
What is compatibility in the relationship of spouses – signs of complete compatibility and harmony in marriage
The term “compatibility” in this case can be called a multi-level “pyramid” in which all levels are interdependent and intersect.
The main ones are:
- Physiological compatibility. Initially, it arises at the first mutual sympathy. This includes the understanding that you like everything in a person – his appearance, smell, his gestures and facial expressions, manner of speech and gait, and so on.
- The first point also includes intimacy. Or compatibility. The satisfaction received by both partners speaks of their compatibility.
- Psychological compatibility. It is of serious importance and affects them powerfully, regardless of the presence / absence of physical compatibility. In general, without going into philosophical reasoning, the essence of this type of compatibility can be expressed in one phrase – “they understand each other perfectly.”
- Intelligent compatibility. It is also of considerable importance, given that a well-read person with serious intellectual abilities, who is in constant search of new ways for self-development, simply cannot build his life for a long time with a partner with whom there is nothing to talk about except about the menu for tomorrow. This type of compatibility includes common interests, harmony in joint leisure, watching movies and listening to music, discussing news, and so on.
- Household compatibility. He never twists the toothpaste cap and tosses it on the sink, and she doesn’t like doing the dishes in the evening. He brews a tea bag 2-3 times, and she prefers to drink brewed tea. He loves to waste money and lives one day, she is a great economy. Household incompatibility breaks family boats to pieces, sometimes in the first year of marriage. And sometimes just because the dishes in the sink are left in the morning every day.
- Socio-psychological compatibility. A story from the heading “the prince and the beggar”. She is a working class girl, he is a representative of the golden youth. This union is doomed to collapse in 80% of cases. In addition, the environment of each partner, status, communication environment, etc., also matters.
Codependency people – what is codependency and how to deal with it?
Signs of compatibility in marriage
How to understand that you are two halves who have formed like puzzles in life, and not strangers who will one day discover that there is nothing in common between them?
What are the signs of compatibility?
- You are spiritually compatible. Your goals, needs, views and opinions, interests and attitudes are united and agreed.
- You are compatible in the properties of characters and the emotional sphere., and are able to exist in a single household space without conflicts.
- You are united in parenting and the organization of family functions.
- You get mutual pleasure from intimacy. and simply from the presence of a partner next to you, and your temperaments (appetites) are the same.
- You have no disagreements on issues of nationality and religion.
- You have a normal and even relationship with your relatives. partner (mutual).
Summing up, we can say that the full compatibility of partners is their compatibility in all spheres of life and aspects.
On match less than 70-80% talk about poor compatibility and a high risk of divorce.
Factors of psychological compatibility of partners – what ensures harmony in the relationship of spouses?
As noted above, psychological compatibility is most important in the life of a married couple. A happy union is built on the stability of relationships, which are impossible in the absence of all the components of psychological compatibility.
What factors provide harmony in the psychology of marital relations?
- The emotional side.
- The degree of affection of the spouses to each other.
- The degree of social maturity.
- The psychophysical level of the spouses. Ideally, when in a couple the temperaments, and the biological rhythm of life, and the peculiarities of the work of the sensory organs coincide. Tension also happens in relationships where he is an owl, she is a lark (or vice versa). Or where he is a choleric, and she is a phlegmatic.
- Similarity of characters. The closer the spouses are to each other in character, the safer and more confident they feel together. This is where the principle of complementarity works.
- And, of course, the general cultural level, which includes common interests.
Signs of incompatibility in the relationship of spouses – do not miss the moment!
How do you know if you are incompatible?
The main signs of incompatibility between partners are as follows:
- Genetic incompatibility.
- Struggle for financial resources. That is, quarrels arising on the basis of which of the two earns and who spends. Material squabbles kill any positive beginning in a young family.
- Intellectual incompatibility. For example, she, refined and intelligent, loves to read classics, writes philosophical articles, goes to the theater and quotes Brodsky, but he does not understand how the Primer differs from War and Peace, picks his teeth with a fork, profusely pours out swear words and considers work in garage is the ultimate dream.
- Sensual incompatibility. Each spouse periodically has a desire to run away from a partner at least for a while. Also, sometimes both are visited by the thought – “we have become strangers to each other.” Vacation – together or apart?
- Different mentality. He was raised in a family of wealthy Muslims, she is in a family of atheists from the working class. Everyone has their own views on life, principles and values. Everyone considers their position to be correct. Intransigence with each other’s positions will sooner or later lead to a break.
- Inability to communicate. In conflicts, he withdraws into himself. She is able to express dissatisfaction only with screams and tears. The inability to speak is the reason for the breakup of many couples.
- Moral incompatibility. She is a believer, quiet, incapable of conflict, insult, swearing. He is the complete opposite.
- Household incompatibility.
The reasons for the psychological incompatibility of partners – so who is to blame?
The list of reasons for psychological incompatibility can be endless. And it is impossible to single out one side to be guilty, because no one can be guilty of the incompatibility of characters.
Another question is if both spouses are quite capable of changing the situation by compromise and concessions, but both have no desire – in this case, there is simply no need to talk about any compatibility.
So, why spouses can be psychologically incompatible are the main factors:
- There is no spark. Physiology – 5 points, there are no material and everyday quarrels, one culture and religion, excellent relations with relatives on both sides, but … there is no love (spark). Such relationships are most often doomed to parting.
- Nothing to talk about.
- Opposing interests, opinions, tasks.
- Different personality types, “Chasm” in characters.
- Bad habits. In this case, we are talking not only about smoking and other bad habits, but about other chronic deficiencies (strong snoring, sloppiness, absent-mindedness, etc.).
- Immaturity – age, personality, social… Already at the age of 18, one is able to take responsibility and make serious decisions on his own, while for another, at the age of 40, only childhood ends.
It is worth notingthat, oddly enough, the compatibility of natures and characters can also become a psychological mismatch. For example, two pronounced leaders in the family are always the list of the family boat. As well as two phlegmatic people who “spit at the ceiling” for a couple and wait for a change.
In general, psychological incompatibility can be talked about with negative answers to the following questions:
- Are you able to talk to your spouse “about nothing” (just chatting at dinner, on a walk, on the road)? Do you have something to talk about? Are you able to talk for 2-3 hours in a row without losing interest in each other?
- Do you think you have strong mutual love?
- Can you imagine both of you in old age with your grandchildren?
- Are you calm about each other’s household bad habits (unwashed dishes, scattered things, etc.)?
- Are your results on IQ tests similar?
- Do you have a good relationship with your partner’s relatives (and he has with yours)?
If there are more than 3 answers “No” – it means that it is time to change something in your family life.
Is it possible to achieve compatibility in love and marital relationships – what to do if the family boat rolls?
Marital relations are essentially impossible without trust, mutual understanding and … compromises…
The last component is the most important. If two began to live together, it means that there is no need to talk about complete incompatibility.
Of course, ideal pairs do not exist, there are always differences, and in one of the types of “compatibility” there will certainly be discrepancies. But they are easily surmountable if both partners are able to compromise and look for a solution that is acceptable to both.
In a relationship, someone always has to give in, and only those relationships will become strong and indestructible, in which both are able to concede… The main thing is to hear, listen, talk to each other and be guided by the fact that your partner is the very soulmate with whom you want to live a happy life until gray hairs.
How to Forgive – The Art of Forgiveness in Family Life
Have you had similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
Must share this useful content with your loved one's
Visit Bologny for more useful and informative articles!