Violence usually refers to the physical. But it is usually not customary to talk about the psychological. More precisely, no one thinks about the fact that this is “violence”, moreover, with consequences.
And the fault lies in toxic people who poison our lives …
The content of the article:
- A toxic person – what is he like?
- 10 signs other people are toxic to you
- How to get rid of toxic people and negative impacts?
- What if a toxic person is a loved one?
What is a toxic person like and why should you avoid influencing your life?
Once, stopping and thinking, you begin to understand that this or that person (perhaps even the closest one to you) acts on you like a daily small portion of poison: it seems that you can tolerate in small doses, but gradually the poison accumulates in the body, and he starts to malfunction.
This person spoils your life, perfectly understanding this, and the worse you are, the better for him.
And, in principle, it does not really matter – in what way a toxic person poisons your life, it is important – do you know what to do in this situation.
Who is this toxic person, and how exactly does he spoil our lives?
- Controls and manipulates.
- She constantly cries, suffers, demonstrates her problems to the whole world. So that everyone knew how bad he was, and everyone rushed to help.
- Uses others to satisfy exclusively his own desires.
- Critical in everything and to everyone: “everything is good” is not about him. Everything is always bad with him.
- Terribly jealous, selfish and envious.
- Never to blame for his problems (as he thinks).
- Strongly dependent on something. Not necessarily from alcohol or other substances. For example, from gambling games and so on. How to live with your gambling husband, and can you help him get rid of cravings for games?
- Likes to suffer and hurt himself.
- She enjoys it when someone can ruin the mood.
- Communicates in the language of evil jokes, sarcasm, sarcasm. He does not hesitate to make humiliating comments even to those close to him.
- Rude, insensitive, 100% selfish, incorrect.
- I am convinced that only he is the ultimate truth.
- Likes to lie on trifles to maintain the image.
- Does not control his emotional state, because “everyone should accept him as he is.”
- In a relationship, they are always looking not for a soul mate, but for a victim who will be tortured for years until the victim realizes his plight and escapes.
Video: Beware, Toxic People!
Why is it important to get rid of (and get rid of in time) toxic people?
Ill-wishers, willingly or unwillingly, but hinder your normal life, hinder the process of all-round development in every sense. You miss the most important moments in your life, reconsider important decisions, lose friends and opportunities, and even gradually (horror) turn into a toxic person yourself. And this continues until you understand that you have become a victim of such a person, and until you protect yourself from his harmful influence.
A toxic person can be your boss, your best friend, parent, or even your significant other. And, if an outsider toxic person is easy to isolate (just not communicate), then with all of the above, the situation is more complicated. Well, how can you isolate yourself from the man with whom you live, from a friend or a boss?
These toxic “parasites” are akin to energy vampires – they eat our joy, getting more satisfaction, the more angry and upset we are. And nowhere to hide from them …
The result of communication with a toxic person always becomes conflict and stress, and the latter, getting out of control, begins to poison the mind, health, and so on. That is why it is important to identify such people in time and protect yourself from their poisonous influence.
10 Signs of Toxic Exposure to You from Other People – How to recognize a toxic person in your immediate environment?
There are many signs of human toxicity (we will list the main ones), but it is important to understand that it is impossible to recognize a person as toxic only for 1-2 signs listed below.
Only if most of the “symptoms” coincide, can we talk about the toxicity of this or that person (and the diagnosis, of course, has nothing to do with medicine).
So what are the signs that you are being bullied by toxic communication?
- You are constantly being drawn into some kind of “drama” in which you absolutely do not want to get involved. Your reaction to this or that drama is always emotional. You are provoked into emotions.
- It is unpleasant or uncomfortable for you to communicate with the person. You are constantly looking for excuses to shorten the communication time or avoid it altogether.
- After communicating with a toxic person, you feel like a “squeezed lemon”: you get tired quickly, feel psychological exhaustion, sometimes even a headache begins.
- You are tormented by a feeling of guilt that this person is unpleasant to you.and for not doing more for him than you can. Moreover, the feeling of guilt is instilled in you from the outside.
- You have to constantly do something for this person., correct his mistakes, redo his work, keep up with what he just gave up, and so on.
- When he feels bad, you are always there, but you are never reciprocated.
- You feel like a damp vest, in which they not only cry every day, but also try to blow their nose. You hope that now, after you rescued this whiner again, he will begin to live like a human, but alas …
- A toxic person does not know the word no. More precisely, he knows, but only if he himself denies you something again. You have no right to refuse him.
- The world should revolve only around this person, and you are next to him – to bring a cup, wipe away tears and do his job. Your values, principles and interests are not a priority.
- You are hooked and in complete control… You have no right to your own opinion, desire or victory in a dispute.
If you find a coincidence of your reality with these 6-10 symptoms of “poisoning” – it means that you urgently need to change something in your life.
Video: Protecting Against Toxic People
How to get rid of toxic people and their negative effects – instructions
If communication with toxic people cannot be avoided, then the consequences of “poisoning” must be minimized.
How to do it?
- Learn to say no. No matter how difficult it is. Even if this is the closest person.
- Do not let sit on your neck and swing knives. Everyone knows what happens to the neck from a heavy load.
- Establish a framework that the person should not overstep. Show him this framework. His first and second tantrums, misunderstanding and rejection of your new framework can be endured. And then the person will understand that “where he sits down, he will get off there,” and this number will no longer work with you.
- Unlearn yourself to feel awkward and remorseful about things you don’t have to do. After all, you are not Mother Teresa to follow this man day and night, do his job, listen to his whining and rush from the other end of the city at his first request. Don’t let yourself get sucked into this emotional funnel.
- Feel free to distance yourself when you feel like it. You don’t have to listen to him all night long about his bad day when you have things to do. And it’s simple – you don’t have to listen. And if this is unpleasant for you, feel free to demonstrate your dislike. You can just smile, say goodbye and go about your business. When you look at the clock for the first time in the midst of his next tantrum and exclaim in a picturesque way – “oh, I have to go,” he will understand that he needs to stop whining or look for another “vest.” Both are good for you.
- Bolt your emotions next to this person. If you don’t know how not to react and can’t escape, get distracted. Read a book at this moment, watch a movie, and so on. Another option for emotional distancing is to look at the person like a psychiatrist – at the object of study. And remember that your emotions are his food. You will not voluntarily turn your neck out to a vampire? So – smile and wave!
- Analyze your behavior. Where exactly are you giving the slack? What is your toxic friend playing on? What gills are you holding for? All of these traits are your flaws that make you vulnerable. Get rid of them hard and fast.
- If it seems to you that something is wrong, it does not seem to you. Trust your intuition and don’t make excuses for a toxic person.
- The biggest mistake is to endure the situation. due to the fact that “so much has been invested in these relationships …” (effort, money, time, feelings, etc.). It does not matter. It is clear that everyone is afraid of loss, but in the end this loss will become your gain and an inoculation against new toxic relationships.
- Prepare for the toxic person to fight back. That is, with a vengeance he will try to return your relationship to its former course. Or even begin to take revenge. But the fear of revenge is the lot of the weak.
What if a toxic person is your friend, loved one, loved one, how to behave with him?
If the toxic person is that saleswoman in the store or a colleague at work with whom you can reduce communication to “hello-bye” – that’s still okay.
Much more difficult is the situation in which a close friend, parent, or even the other half becomes the “poisoner”. Most often, they are poisonous in their excessive care and a sense of permissiveness.
For example, mom comes to your house without asking and puts her order, a friend allows herself to come even in the middle of the night and tell you what to do, and a loved one reads your correspondence in the mail as his own, motivating this with the phrase “and what – you have, what to hide? ”
Of course, these are not the worst “sins” of our toxic loved ones, but sometimes “poisoners” really cross all boundaries.
What to do?
- Hold on to your personal boundaries with all your might. Set those boundaries, read the rules aloud to anyone who needs to read them, and guard them by all means. Until the person understands that your boundaries cannot be violated. You yourself know what exactly gives you discomfort or even pain. Draw conclusions and just act. Don’t wait for accumulated stress to kick the lid.
- Assess the situation – is there any sense in the boundaries at all. Maybe the poisoning has already become so severe that “the patient is more likely dead than alive.”
- A toxic person is difficult to convince with words. Because it is he who is always right, and he simply will not hear your arguments, as well as problems. Therefore, show your dissatisfaction in a mirror image. Usually it gets better and faster this way.
- If you love a person very much and do not want to part with him, find the strength to come to terms with his minor flaws. But return his poison to him in a mirror image.
- If you decide to say goodbye to a person and realize that the poisoning has reached its limit – do not delay. Don’t say goodbye for long. Don’t give the toxic person a reason to stop you. And you don’t have to explain anything. If you are afraid of conflict when parting, think in advance about where and how to do it in order to protect yourself from serious conflict, revenge and cruelty.
- Try to eliminate all chances of accidentally meeting a toxic person with whom you have separated.: change the locks in the apartment, change the phone number, block the person on social networks, etc.
And remember that getting married or bonding a relationship together is not a license to poison your life.
If a person is in a close relationship with you, he should take care of you even more, and not “poison” you from morning to evening, because you are his property.
Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
Must share this useful content with your loved one's
Visit Bologny for more useful and informative articles!