A client of mine told during the consultation how her friend constantly turns up her nose when she hears about the success of others. “It hurts … especially when I tell you how happy I am, and she constantly reproaches me for something. Looking for a reason to express a negative opinion about me “…
You’ll say that friends don’t do that! In fact, the psychology of envy is very deep and before breaking off relations with someone close to you, find out about the root causes of his envy.
See also: How to get rid of envy – the best recipes.
Why are girlfriends jealous
Envy is a psychological trait of every person that haunts us since childhood. We see that someone’s toys are more expensive, the dress is prettier, and the hair is longer. This is what causes envy to arise.
But why can friends be jealous?
- Good luck at work. It is not uncommon for girls whose careers are not going well, unconsciously envy their girlfriend, who received a promotion or high wages. They may also envy the fact that you have a good relationship in a team or just a prestigious job.
- Personal life. Whoever says what, but girls almost always envy the successful relationship of their girlfriend. It can be both white envy and the most aggressive one. If a girl does not have a personal life, and her friend successfully married and gave birth to cute children, then envy can become not only the reason for the rupture of relations between girls, but also outright dirty tricks.
- Good looks… Alas, the little girl will almost always envy her friend with the perfect figure and appearance.
- Talents. Often, girls secretly envy their more talented friend, who, unlike them, is capable of drawing, singing or dancing well, for example. This is a common cause of fights between girlfriends (even the best ones).
See also: White and black envy – what are the differences?
Commentary by the psychotherapist, expert Bologny, Irina Belousova
Finding that your friend is jealous of you is not that difficult. When you tell her about your successes at work or in your personal life, she looks at you with ill-concealed irritation or a stone mine. At the same time, he may try to disguise his attitude towards you, demonstrating exaggerated sympathy and caring.
This behavior discourages you from maintaining a relationship with a person who until recently was almost dear to you. What not to do Don’t think that you need to change your behavior in any way when faced with envy from your friend. Her emotions are not your area of responsibility!
You don’t have to meet your friend’s expectations and deal with her psychological problems. It’s not about your friend at all If the envy of a friend causes you serious anxiety and fear – believe me, it is not at all about her. Ask yourself a question: what am I really afraid of? What do I think about the moment I hear her comments about my appearance / relationship / career? What or who can the friend’s words and behavior be associated with?
Take the time to look inside yourself and find an honest and sincere answer to this question. Yes, this answer may sound unsightly and even downright crazy. Don’t worry about this – as absurd as your assumption about fear may seem, this will be the answer you want.
The main reason for envy of girlfriends is the fear of competition.
You will most likely find yourself in fear of competition. The roots of female competition are in early childhood and are associated with either the mother or siblings (sisters or brothers). The competition is always based on the girl’s struggle for parental love. As she grows up, she continues to fight this ghostly battle. Women compete with other women for attention, resource and the right to femininity, subconsciously discovering the traits of a mother or sister in friends or colleagues.
How does women’s competition manifest itself? Hidden opposition, which finds a way out in sarcastic statements, an unfriendly attitude towards other people’s success in relationships with men or a career, hostility towards bright and attractive women, ridiculous advice designed to destroy the advantages and achievements of a competitor, demonstrative ignorance of the object of envy.
How to resist female competition?
- Focus on yourself. Don’t waste your energy responding with sarcasm or rage towards the envious person. Invest your time and resources in self-improvement.
- Maintain your personality. You shouldn’t wear a pantsuit in the office just because a friend casually criticized your skirt.
- Be polite and friendly with other women. When interacting with a problematic person, keep a safe distance – this will reduce the likelihood of rumors and gossip.
- Be honest and protect your personal boundaries.
- Don’t try to please those who are trying to make you feel awkward or guilty.
- Communicate politely but firmly about any behavior that will not be acceptable to you.
- Get out of the competition. This does not mean that you have to surrender, being led by fear.
Your task is to realize your uniqueness and focus on the fact that you do not need to prove your femininity through competition. Competition is not scary for a confident woman who knows her strengths and weaknesses well. Every year more and more modern women abandon competition in favor of constructive cooperation and mutual support.
How to tell if a friend is jealous
- If, while talking about your career or personal life the friend is bored, annoyed or sits with a “sour face”, then this can be considered a wake-up call that your friend is not very happy to hear about your success. An exception is when a friend is simply in a bad mood, and she does not want to hear about anything at the moment.
- Girlfriend always intentionally underestimates your achievements, adjusting them to a successful combination of circumstances, and not explaining it to your hard work, perseverance and talent.
- If after walking with a friend you feel guilty about your own happiness, then this is a reason to distance a little from your friend and talk to her about your successes as rarely as possible.
- The girl who is jealous of her friend imitates her… It can be imitation in appearance, lifestyle, demeanor. Sometimes this can happen unconsciously.
- A friend actively discourages you from making decisions.that will subsequently lead you to prosperity. Here, a lot of pretexts can come into play, which at times will be simply absurd.
- A friend who is jealous will be more interested in the negative aspects of your life… All the positive aspects will not bother her.
- Your friend may publicly compare you to herself. Moreover, she will focus on her superiority in order to lower you in the eyes of others or friends.
What to do if a friend is jealous
- First, talk to your friend. If you don’t know how to do it right, then arrange a bachelorette party and start a conversation about envy. Find out how she feels about it, and what drives her. You should not throw fists at her for the fact that she has a point of view that is different from yours.
- If your friend is jealous of your appearance, compliment her. Say that she is thinner, prettier, say that she has beautiful hair. If she bought some new thing, then be sure to praise her choice.
- There are times when a friend is jealous of your success at work or in the family. Then just do not touch on these topics when talking.
- Use detached topics, and if she wants to know exactly about these moments of your life, then answer superficially so as not to cause negative emotions in her.
Commentary by psychologist, Bologny expert, Veronica Tyurina
The most difficult thing is given to a person that is not given to him. MM. Zhvanetsky
Envy as a feeling carries a tinge of annoyance due to the well-being of another person. When we are faced with envy from strangers, most likely, we let it pass by ourselves, it does not touch us. When a person from a close circle, a friend, shows envious feelings, this causes misunderstanding, pain, and sometimes even a feeling of guilt.
What if your friend is jealous of you?
- Most importantly, don’t take responsibility for the other person’s feelings and emotions. Don’t take them personally. This friend chose jealousy instead of being inspired by your success. Disconnect yourself from its perception, move away from the situation itself in order to objectively look at it and make the right decision.
- The very fact of envy is not a crime. But he says that a friend’s attitude towards you is most likely not sincere, and this situation only showed this.
- Envy is a toxic feeling based on self-loathing and a sense of universal injustice, which also provokes destructive criticism. Therefore, it is worth reacting to envy the same way as to criticism – with dignity, easily, using the wonderful phrase “Ok, I heard you”.
- When envy rises between you and your friend, there is no longer any place for friendship. How can you trust a person who considers you unworthy to have such a car / such a husband / so much money? Envy is a great marker that signals you to pay attention to your close environment and put it in order.
Have you encountered the envy of your friends? Share with us in the comments!
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