What to do if parents are against a guy – we are looking for compromises

The situation when the parents do not like the daughter’s boyfriend is not uncommon – Romeo and Juliet also suffered from parental misunderstanding. And in the modern world there are the same unfortunate couples.

Why is this happening? After all, everyone knows and accepts the fact that this is the daughter’s choice, and the girl, and not her parents, will have to spend life with a young man. COLADY will tell you how to understand why parents are REALLY against the relationship of their beloved daughter with her boyfriend and how to find a compromise in this difficult situation.

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The content of the article:

See also: Choosing a life partner, or what kind of men are you going to marry?

Reasons Parents May Not Like Your Boyfriend – So Why Are Parents Against Boyfriend?

There is no smoke without fire. If the parents don’t like the guy, it is possible that something is really wrong about him.

Parents are wise by life experience, and therefore each situation is understood differently. You may be under the influence of intense love that closes your eyes. And parents see all the flaws and possible outcomes of your relationship.

They always want only the best for their child, therefore they often have exaggerated requirements for young people.

  • Parents may think that the girl is still too young, even if she is strongly over 20. If the daughter is less than 18, and the guy is much older than her, then such a relationship can frighten not only the parents. After all, a girl still cannot objectively assess the attitude of a young man towards her, but he can take advantage of her naivety. Nothing good will come of it.
  • Also, the groom may not like the parents if he is many years older than even an adult girl. For example, when she is 25, and he is over 35. It’s not always bad, the main thing is to explain it to the parents correctly. See also: Relationships with a difference in age – is there a future?
  • The young man’s dark past does not add to a good attitude towards him. If he broke the law, was a drug addict or led an immoral lifestyle, then there may be fears that such a guy will not bring anything good to an alliance with his daughter. The girl will suffer with him and her life, and happiness will be destroyed.
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  • Since the beginning of your relationship you lead an unpleasant lifestyle for your parents… Come home late, walk often, drink a lot, or never come home at all. Abandoned work or school. This cannot but evoke bad emotions.
  • Maybe, the young man has serious shortcomings, which you cannot see because of “blind love”. Maybe he treats you rudely, is too jealous, flutters your nerves, and your parents see your suffering. Maybe he drinks a lot or he is an inveterate and gambler, spends all his time on parties, clubs or entertainment.
  • Or maybe the parents are just going too far. It is believed that a person with no education or financial problems is not like their daughter. They want to see next to her only a handsome, successful, intelligent young man who will groom and cherish his wife, presenting her with diamonds and furs.

Psychologist’s comment

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When a daughter is getting ready for “adulthood”, all kinds of anxiety arise in the minds of her parents. In Psychology, this term is “separation” (separation).

When parents are against a boyfriend, most likely they are talking about unwillingness to let the child go into adulthood (they hinder the separation process).

What if the parents don’t like the groom / boyfriend? Listen to their words, perhaps they make sense. Let your loved ones voice what exactly they care about and don’t like about your boyfriend. After that, you will understand whether there is some truth in their fears or whether they say a banal unwillingness to let you go. And based on the answers to these questions, make a decision

What to do if parents are against a guy – we become wiser and look for compromises

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  • You need to try to understand the parents, because they are not strangers to you, and only want good. If the reason is that they do not want to provide you with the necessary share of freedom and independence, then you need to explain that you are already an adult and understand what your actions can lead to. Those. give yourself a full account of your actions – this will reassure your parents.

Becoming an adult means taking responsibility for your actions.… Knowing that if you’re wrong, you’ll have to clean up the results yourself.

  • Maybe the guy is really “defective”? And he does not respect you, and creates a sea of ​​problems. Then do you need him at all? We need to look at our soul mate in a new way.
  • Perhaps the parents do not notice his positive qualities. Then it’s worth telling them about them. For which you love and respect him. Why are you with him and not with someone else.

Useful advice: The first acquaintance with the parents must be lived through. Many parents don’t like the guy the first time around. Because they are greeted by their clothes, but they are escorted by their minds. Later, they will understand that he is not a bad person and a worthy choice for you. You just need to let the parents cool down and calm down.

  • Try talking to your parents: find out what exactly did not like in the young man. And think about how to fix it – if possible.
  • Find something in common between a parent and a boyfriend… People like people who are like them. Perhaps, like dad, the guy loves fishing or loves to cook like mom. Or maybe he prefers the same music or books as his parents and loves old films.
  • If there was an open conflict with expressing your views to each other, then the parties must be reconciled, and the first step must be taken by the guybecause he is at least younger.

Family psychologist commentary

Why are parents against their beloved boyfriend and what to do when parents do not like the groom?
Tatiana Belyaeva – family psychologist

Parents may, in principle, be against any candidacy for their daughter, and there are several reasons for this:

  • – The child is beloved / the only / the most and any other near is NOT WORTHY / DOES NOT MEET.
  • – The appearance of a boyfriend / young man / groom inevitably tells the parents about one thing – the daughter has grown up and is entering the adult stage of life, which means that the parents themselves have already “grown old”, and the transition to the developmental stage entails the personality crises of adults. including.
  • – Let’s separate the concepts of “boyfriend” and “groom” – these are fundamentally different statuses. A guy is a person for spending time together, his task from the point of view of parents is to ensure the safety of their child – to agree on time / place of dates and ways to return home / accompany / taxi, etc. / on time. The groom is a person in the process of creating a family with their child, and the range of tasks from the point of view of parents, in addition to spending time, is supplemented by the responsibilities of providing for the future family, and possibly offspring, in the future, therefore, it is customary to make more demands on the groom, for example, parents have the full right to be interested in education, occupation, outlook on life, living conditions, etc.
  • Parents see and hear the child’s chosen one through the prism of their life experience, and this look is very different from the daughter’s perception of the boy / groom, clouded by feelings.

What to do if parents are against a boyfriend

  1. First, to understand that parents have the right to their own opinion, just like you and as adults, and after all, a guy appears only in adults – you need to negotiate. All that parents are guided by is SAFETY for their child. Convince them of this better, together.
  2. Demonstrate to them that the guy is grooming you properly. The courtship ritual was clearly regulated until 1917, and then lost. It includes introducing and introducing parents, socializing at a common table / tea drinking, a dinner / dinner party, and attending common family events. Accompanying the girl to the place and time agreed with the parents.
  3. If you cannot find a compromise with your parents, involve specialized specialists – family psychologists, mediators, in extreme cases – lawyers.

What absolutely must not be done if the parents are against the guy – advice from psychologists

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  1. You can’t fight your parents, do it out of spite, including getting pregnant. Pregnancy cannot solve any problem – be it a misunderstanding, keeping the family from breaking up, getting married late. Things will only get worse. The misunderstanding will worsen, and the hassle will increase a hundredfold.
  2. You can’t blackmail your parents, including his death, escape from home. This will not add parental love to your boyfriend. They will simply hate him, because he is the cause of a quarrel in the family.
  3. Swear with parents, demand that they change their attitude: “Why don’t you like him? He’s good! “,” You have to accept him – it’s my choice. ” Just as you cannot fall in love by order, so you cannot change your attitude at the behest of another person.
  4. You can’t complain about a guy to your parents… After a quarrel, you will reconcile and forget the grievances, but they will not. They feel uncomfortable that someone is hurting their child. The offspring protection instinct also works at the level of relationships.
  5. Don’t dump your boyfriend if you really love him. Parents may evaluate a person biasedly. They might just be wrong. But, if you are sure that he is your destiny, then you need to fight for him.

The only “BUT”: If a girl is still very young – under 16-19 years old, then she needs to follow the advice of her parents and not go against them. Of course, all ages are submissive to love, but it is worth listening to parents, because they have age, experience and wisdom on their side.

If you don’t listen to their advice, you can get a lot of bumps. To remain, at least with a broken heart and at the most, with a ruined destiny. And then I bitterly regret my stupidity and mistrust of adults, who were still right.

What would you do in a situation where the parents are against the groom? We would be grateful for your feedback!

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