Psychotherapist Esther Perel explains the spread of adultery and answers the main question “Who is to blame?”
It turns out that the development of social networks affects the frequency of cheating.
Let marriage relations in different countries differ in little things, they have one thing in common – everywhere the laws of marriage are violated. True, the attitude towards cheating is different: in Mexico, women proudly say that the increase in the number of female infidelities is part of the struggle against chauvinist culture; in Bulgaria, unfaithfulness of husbands is considered an annoying but inevitable aspect of marriage; in France, the topic of infidelity can easily spice up a table conversation, but nothing more.
Probably, some kind of universal human mechanism is triggered, which is hard to resist. If it’s a matter of general human attitudes, then why is there a general taboo on cheating?
Over the past six years of her psychotherapeutic practice, Esther has studied hundreds of cases of infidelity and deduced the basic rules of a harmonious marriage. She shared her findings at the TEDx conference and did not hesitate to name the reasons for the failure of long-term relationships. The topic received a strong response and people shared the performance with each other. As a result, 21 million people watched Esther’s video lectures.
Incidentally, unfaithfulness is the only sin to which two commandments are dedicated in the Bible: one forbids one to indulge in it, and the other even to think about it. It turns out that we treat infidelity even worse than murder. Do these taboos and double prohibitions work? Less and less.
The book Right to Left contains dozens of stories of couples who survived adultery. Well, “sex and lies” always come to the forefront of adultery, but what is hidden behind them? It turns out that all cases of infidelity are similar and, by looking closely, you can track the general symptoms and outline the path to cure.
Esther unbiasedly examines all the corners of the “love triangle”: what pushes a woman to have an affair with a married man, what feelings the one with whom they cheat, what price they pay, and how the attitude of society towards the participants in adultery is deformed.
“At the same time, society is inclined to condemn the” other ” [женщину] much stronger than an unfaithful husband. When Beyoncé released the album Lemonade, the main theme of which was infidelity, the Internet immediately pounced on the mysterious “Becky with thick hair”, in every possible way trying to identify her, while the singer’s unfaithful husband, rapper Jay-Z, was condemned much less. “
Esther’s book will be useful to everyone who entered, is or is just about to enter into a relationship. The fact is that society and living conditions have changed so much that the old schemes of interpersonal relations are beginning to fail. It turns out that cheating is a double-edged blade: partners come to a dead end, trying not to hurt their loved one, and as a result, they injure themselves. They are unable to resist their inner desires and for their weakness they condemn and reproach themselves stronger than their deceived partners.
“Cheating and marital distress and marital crises are so painful that we should look for new strategies that fit the world we live in.”
What are these strategies? Read the book “Right to Left” by Esther Perel – and be happy!
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