Someone will say – “to love two at once is licentiousness.” And someone will note – “Great! Double portion of attention! ” And someone in general will declare that this is not love at all, since you are drawn to two sides at once. And only one in a thousand will understand how hard it is when the heart breaks with love for both men at once.
What to do? How to choose one and only one of them two?
The content of the article:
Testing Ourselves – 8 Methods of Choosing Between Two Guys or Men
If the heart does not want to be determined at all, and the mental weather vane is spinning like a madman, it makes sense to test yourself and make the task of such a serious choice easier.
We appreciate the positive qualities of each …
- Does he have a sense of humor? Can he cheer you up, and does he understand your jokes? A person with a sense of humor looks at the world in a completely different way and charges everyone around with his optimism.
- How do you feel when he touches you? And is he able to restrain himself in the manifestation of feelings?
- What are his interests in life? Is he a purposeful person with his own outlook on life or a bore who most values his own comfort in life?
- How does he behave when someone needs help?? In a hurry to help, without hesitation, or pretending that it does not concern him?
- What exactly attracts him to you (other than your appearance)?
- How much time does he spend with you? Savoring every minute, stretching pleasure, rushing to you right away, barely had a free “minute”? Or is he in a hurry on a date, constantly looking at his watch, leaving immediately “after …”?
- How often does he call you? Just before arriving with the brutal “Baby, I’ll pick you up today”? Or, barely having time to go beyond the threshold, with a sigh – “baby, I already miss you” and almost hourly, just to find out how you are?
- Does he flirt with other girls in your presence?
- How does he relate to children?
Assessing our own feelings …
- How do you feel when she calls or texts?
- Do you feel yourself next to him “in your place” and “at ease”?
- Does the touch of your hand make your heart beat faster?
- Can you imagine yourself with him in old age?
- Does he accept you for who you are?
- Do you feel next to him that “wings are opening” and “I want to live to the fullest”?
- Or are you next to him, like a shadow or a bird in a beautiful cage?
- Do you feel like you are getting better around him?
- Does it support your desires and aspirations in development?
- Do you feel yourself next to him special, the most beloved and desired?
- Without which of them you are suffocating, as if you cut off the oxygen?
We evaluate the negative aspects of both …
- Does he have bad habitsthat annoy you?
- How jealous is he? It is bad if he is not jealous at all – either he is disingenuous, or he simply does not care. It is also bad if jealousy goes off scale, and every passer-by who smiles fleetingly at you risks getting in the nose. The golden mean here is just that.
- Does he care about what you are wearing and how you look? Of course, every man wants his woman to be the most stunning and beautiful, but a mature man usually hides the long legs of his half from prying eyes and disapproves of short skirts, too bright makeup and other delights.
- How heavy is the burden of the past behind him? And if “very difficult” – will it interfere with your relationship?
- Is he trying to control you? Or is he always looking for a compromise when a controversial issue arises?
- Is he able to admit that he is wrong?
- How often does he have outbursts of unreasonable aggression?
- Is he able to take the first step towards reconciliationif you had a fight?
- Have you noticed lies behind him? How frank is he with you? How high is the level of trust between you?
- Did he tell you about his past love? And in what tone? If he thinks about his ex too often – most likely, his feelings for her have not cooled down yet. If he remembers “in bad words” – it is worth thinking. A real man will never say bad things about his former passion, even if she gave him “hell on earth.”
- If you get sick, does he run for medicine and sit by your bed? Or is it waiting for you to recover, occasionally sending SMS “Well, how are you doing there?”
We evaluate the feelings of both …
- How deep is his feelings for you? Is he ready to connect his life with you forever, or is your relationship superficial and based only on physical attraction?
- What is he willing to sacrifice for you? Will he be able to rush after you if you suddenly decide to study / work in another city?
- What might his reaction be if you decide to break up with him? “Come on, goodbye” or “What’s up?” Will it immediately disappear from your life or will it fight for you? Of course, you don’t need to ask – just try to imagine the situation and its consequences.
Hall help or call a friend
If you have a relationship of trust with parents, share your problem with them. They will probably tell you what to do best for you, and will express their opinion “from the height of past years” about both candidates for your heart.
You can talk and with friends, but only if you trust them 100 percent.
And the decision, of course, is still up to you.
Making a list …
- How are they similar to each other?
- What are their differences?
- What exactly do you feel for each (describe each feeling)?
- What qualities do you like about them?
- What qualities do you dislike categorically?
- Which one do you have more in common with?
- Which of them will you be happy to wait from work with a delicious dinner?
- Which of them do you want to introduce to your parents and relatives? And how can parents perceive everyone?
Throw a coin …
Let one be tails and another heads. Throwing a coin, follow your thoughts – who exactly do you want to see on your palm?
We are not in a hurry …
Don’t try to find a solution immediately. Give yourself (and them) some time. Take a week off from both of them – which one will you miss the most? Just don’t drag out this selection process for too long.
And if your relationship has not yet crossed that very border of intimacy, do not cross it. Make a choice before you realize that one of them has been changed.
The choice is made between the two guys – what’s next?
The decision has been made, what to do next?
- If the decision is indeed made, it’s time to part with one of them. There is no need to leave it “in reserve” – tear it right away. In the end, if both of them dream of living with you until old age, then tormenting both of you on your part is simply unforgivable. Let go of the one that is less dear to you.
- You do not need to tell him when parting that you have “different.” Do this as gently as possible. It is unlikely that he will be delighted with your confessions, but it is in your power to soften the blow. Try to break up as friends.
- The feeling of emptiness from the loss of the second is normal. It will pass. Resign yourself and don’t screw yourself up.
- Thoughts like “What if I was wrong?” also to the side. Build your relationship and enjoy life. Never regret anything. Life itself will put everything in its place.
- Accept that one of the three of you will be hurt. It will not work in another way.
- If your conscience is tearing you apart from the inside, and the decision doesn’t come in any way, and they, among other things, are also best friends, then part with both… This will provide yourself with a very solid “timeout” to sort out your feelings, and you will not become a wedge in their friendship.
In general – listen to your heart! It won’t lie.
Have you had to make such a difficult decision, and what advice can you give to the girls facing the choice?
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