Stylish, brutal, smart, with a sly squint – and all yours. So you think at first. And then you understand – he chose you solely to bathe in your love from dawn to dusk. Moreover, he prefers to swim alone due to the fact that love is a word (and a feeling) for him unfamiliar and disgusting.
And the main passion in life is himself. The whole world should revolve around this person, and you – first of all and more intensely than others. Because he is beautiful and gorgeous, and you have not ironed all his costumes yet, and in general – where is dinner and slippers?
The content of the article:
- Causes of male narcissism
- 8 signs of a narcissist man
- Treat male narcissism – or flee?
The reasons for male narcissism – why does he love only himself?
Everyone wants to be respected, appreciated, loved, etc.
But one of the first rules is love and respect for yourself. After all, who will love and respect us if we ourselves do not do this? Allow yourself to be spanked? You will be pissed off. Allowing the household to sit on your neck? They will sit on your neck. Etc.
That is, the way we treat ourselves, so they will treat us. But love for oneself should not cross the line of adequacy and turn into gratification of one’s own “I”.
Unfortunately, some men (and women too) simply do not see this facet, and narcissism begins to manifest itself in all spheres of life. And the hardest thing is when it pops up in family life.
What is this narcissism – part of the personality, or is it a mental disorder?
What are the reasons for the development?
- Parental oppression and spoiledness. The main roots of narcissism are in the “drama” of his parents. More often than not, narcissistic men grow up in those families where the usual childhood life has been replaced by a cult of achievement and success. “You must”, “You will do”, “You are the best, the very first, the fastest”, etc. Pushing all their unrealized dreams into the child, admiring his successes and replicating these successes everywhere, parents keep their distance with the child himself, communicating rather detached and cold. A child gets used to being “the best” and “the first”, but grows up without knowing what love is.
- Attention deficit. The child’s successes and achievements in this case are just an attempt to attract the attention of mom and dad. The child does not see either affection or care from them. The lack of love in childhood is reflected in the adult by the desire to take, without offering anything in return.
- “Overrated.” This is most often done by mothers. “You did the best,” says my mother, knowing full well that the other children have drawn much better. “You were the coolest at this competition!” (despite the fact that the child took 12th place). “You sing like an angel!” and so on. You need to be frank with the child. Yes, I don’t want to offend the child, but there should be criticism! It just needs to be constructive and soft. Raising children to the rank of super-heroes and Olympic “gods”, selecting “bad / good” landmarks and offering them whatever they want on plates, we doom them to an unhappy adult life.
- Influence of mass media, internet, TV. Information that a child (teenager) receives from the outside, in most cases today carries a message – to be a consumer, to love yourself, to think only of yourself, to buy all the most expensive: “You deserve the best”, “You must simplify life”, “You are unique” and so on. The era of consumption has spread so widely across cities and heads that consumption has become a way of life. Simple human feelings are gradually being replaced by the most primitive desires, for the satisfaction of which many young people live. Naturally, living together with a person who knows only his “want” becomes difficult and eventually ends in divorce.
Typical mistakes of girls – that in no case should you tell a guy?
As for narcissism after 40 years – it is usually caused by loss of orientation and disappointment in oneself and one’s own values.
New relationships that a man starts, being in a state of “the train does not go further, everything is lost, I don’t want to develop anything, it’s too late to develop”, are initially difficult.
He, who has lived for so many years exclusively for himself, has simply forgotten that in love you also need to give.
8 signs of a male narcissist – how is he in a relationship with a woman?
Communication with the fair sex for the narcissist proceeds “in the best traditions of house building.” Thought you were beautiful and clever? He will convince you otherwise. And you will even believe that you have always been an ugly woman with a low “I-Q”, and that you can live only in the rays of his beauty and glory.
If you are thinking – “is not the narcissist my dear?” – pay attention to whether there are any other symptoms in his behavior …
- It unwittingly or intentionally affects your self-esteem. (the victim must be absolutely submissive and completely controllable, and for this it must be lowered as low as possible).
- He manages you professionally, playfully forcing you to do even what you would never do.
- With him you have lost your confidence, and your complexes have nowhere to put. How to get rid of an inferiority complex in 12 easy steps and finally gain some respect for yourself?
- His self-affirmation takes place mainly among women. – at home, among friends and relatives, at work, etc. He is afraid to assert himself among men.
- You adore his “cubes” on the stomach and big strong hands, his look and voice drive you crazy, but life with him sucks all the juices out of you… You are mentally and physically exhausted.
- You feel guilty all the time. Well, he is, of course, always right.
- His “I” is always above everything and ahead of everything, including the two of you. Not “we were in a restaurant,” but “I took her to a restaurant,” not “at our house,” but “at my place,” not “I want to eat,” but “I want to eat,” etc.
- The narcissist is incapable of compassion. He’s not emotional at all. You won’t wait for him to pat you on the head when you are sad, or give you a hand when you get off the bus, or hug you when you’re scared. And to hear from him “I love” is generally something transcendental-cosmic.
- He loves publicity and pathos. He constantly exalts himself and looks at the world from above.
- He does not take criticism categorically. Any comment from a woman causes aggression, discontent or ignorance. Because it is perfect, and your place is in the kitchen.
- He loves himself very much. To have beautiful fashionable clothes, delicious food, maximum comfort, an expensive car and slippers for his arrival from work. And the fact that you are wearing sewn-in tights is your problem.
Treat male narcissism – or flee?
Can you envy daffodils? Someone will say – “yes, you have to learn from them!”
But, in reality, it only seems that the narcissist is just a successful perfectionist with minimal need for feelings. In life, narcissists are outwardly pompous and arrogant, but in fact – extremely lonely people with “black holes” inside and constant depressions from their own failures and “imperfection of the world.”
Of course, life with a narcissist is insanely difficult. It is ideal only in one case: if you are ready to give all of yourself to him alone, bathe him in your love every day, unquestioningly accept him “as is,” forget that you also want love.
What can a relationship with a narcissist be like in principle?
There are several models of such families:
- Sacrifice. He is a narcissist, you are a neurotic person with a self-sacrifice complex. You give yourself to him, he takes everything that is given to him: the balance is maintained, and everyone is happy.
- Competition. Both of you are daffodils. Living together will be painful but fun.
- Hopelessness. You endure his selfishness, because “there are no options” (nowhere to go, no other men, too much in love, sorry for the children, etc.).
Unfortunately, most often such family stories end in divorce. Therefore, the question – what to do if I love him – remains relevant.
But really, what can be done? After all, it is impossible to re-educate a narcissist.
- First of all, do not let him sit on your head. A man should remember that you have your own interests, feelings and desires.
- Create more often situations in which he willy-nilly has to do something with you – pull him to joint actions. Cook? Let it help. Relax? Only together. Have friends come? Either you entertain them together, or self-service. Want clean, ironed shirts by morning? Let him help the children with lessons, you are not a horse. Be smarter and wiser.
- Be able to insist on your own and say “no”…
- Cherish the qualities that the narcissist lacks. Any manifestations of feelings must be “watered” like green sprouts in a drought.
And most importantly – remember that in a pair everything should be in half.
If such rules of the game do not suit him, even a serious conversation cannot change your relationship, and you are so tired that you want to sob and run, then it’s time to think – do you need such a relationship at all?
Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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